Wings Win, Eh?

You're supposed to defend against the OTHER team, Rafalski.

2010-12-19T19:51:00.005-05:00

So Brian Rafalski single-handedly ruined Chris Osgood's 400-win milestone for the night. No big deal. Not like it was an important conference game, or an emotional one with a sold-out crowd cheering Ozzie's name every time he so much as flashed his glove hand. #rage.

Rage, rage, RAGE.

Now usually I wouldn't spend a post picking on one player; certainly I never have before... and Rafalski's been something of a hero for me ever since I can remember him with the Winged Wheel on his chest (especially during the Olympics... shut your holes, Rob and Cody), but...

He was awful. +/- of -2 awful. Over-committing twice in one game awful. Bad giveaways awful. Leaving an excellent Holmstrom-esque crease-crasher all alone in front of Osgood awful. Taking the Wings down a man in overtime awful (I understand there's been some contention on this call; ask the resident refs for more information).

Outrageous. Atrocious. All hockey players have bad days, but this was one to make fans foam at the mouth. Paging Rafalski; Dr. Olympic Rafalski. Please report to the ice for the next game.

Any positives from the game? The Wings' role-players were fantastic. Hurricane Helm had a breakaway that made him look like an express train. Cleary was all over the ice, and it was only by ill fate that he didn't score three or four times tonight. Stuart did a great job blocking shots; taking a puck to the knee and hanging in the play for another minute while obviously stung. Franzen scored a wicked goal off of a great pass. Last but not least: Ozzie was great today. He was feeling it, you could tell. He made several stunning point-blank saves that sent my mind, at least, back to 2008. He WILL get 400 wins; the question is, when?

We surely won't see Ozzie next game; nor probably for the next four or five. Dallas is close behind the Wings in points, though the Wings have one game on them, and the rest of the conference is closing in. No longer are the Wings 6 or 8 points ahead of everyone else; though still first in the Conference, they are going to have to do some work to make sure that they stay there. The Red Wings are about the team; not about personal milestones. I'd say, maybe look for him on New Year's Eve.

The Wings need to work on some things. Tonight, at least, we need to start with our defense.

What the Fuch? The Referee's Slant

2010-12-13T01:16:00.004-05:00

Mikko Koivu, Antti Miettinen and Bobby Ryan teamed up for one of the biggest "What the Fuch?" moments I've ever seen. If you haven't seen this yet, watch the video first.

Okay, watched it? Does your head hurt too?

Here's what happened. Mikko Koivu dropped his stick. Instead of...you know...picking it up, or going to the bench of a new one, he stole the stick right out of the hands of Bobby Ryan. Like, straight up jacked it. In Finland they call that they old "Stick Man Lemon Wedge". Don't Urban Dictionary that, whatever you do though. I warned you.

Anyways, Bobby Ryan is all "WTF Mate, you seem to have taken my lumbah" (P.S. Bobby Ryan is actually Australian, for those of you who didn't know. Ryan, Australian for hockey).

So anyway, along comes Antti Miettinen, who is the second most famous Antti in the league.

Being the super friendly guy that he is, he pushes Koivu's discarded stick over to Bobby Ryan. At this point, you should definitely not be looking up the Stick Man Lemon Wedge again.

Bobby Ryan picks up the stick, says "Right-oh, thanks mate!" and proceeds to bury a rebound in for a goal. Oh yeah, one more thing, Koivu is a lefty, Ryan is a righty. Dude scored with the wrong handed stick.

Anyways, after that big cluster fuch, the referee in me wanted to get a little exercise. So here I present to you what should have gone down in that sequence of events.

Mikko Koivu receives a two minute minor penalty for holding the stick, the issue that kicked off this whole situation. He would also receive a penalty for "ineligible player" for using an opponents stick.

The referee could have blown the play dead right there, since after Koivu steals Ryan's stick, the Wild gain possession briefly in the corner. Instead, play continues without a penalty.

Instead, play continues and Bobby Ryan picks up Koivu's former stick, and uses it to score a goal. Unfortunately for Ryan, now that we are properly applying the rules, Ryan's goal no longer stands, since he too was an ineligible player for using an opponent's stick. He would go off for two minutes for this infraction of the rules.

The result of this mess would be a 2 minute power play for Anaheim, with the goal wiped out since Ryan scored illegally. Koivu would be sitting for 4 minutes, and Ryan for two.

Additional fun fact: If we wanted to be really douche-y about it, we could assess an additional two minute penalty to Minnesota. What for? When Miettinen was kindly propelling the puck to Ryan, he kinda broke a rule. The rules basically say that you can't propel a discarded stick (or any other piece of equipment) at the puck carrier/into the play. Did Miettinen do this? Not exactly, but where he moved the stick to prevented Getzlaf from driving the puck to the net, and only allowed him to pass to the blue line.

...Okay fine, I'm reaching a little bit on that last call, but I just really want to penalize Miettinen for one of the stupidest plays I've ever seen.

The first (and hopefully last) Nutritional Wings Recap

2010-12-06T19:35:00.004-05:00

So, I have an Applied Nutrition exam in about 4.5 days, and as a result rather than sitting on Facebook and Twitter with my friends talking about the game during, well, the game, I was sitting alone studying for that while the game was on my TV.

So I thought to myself, "Self, how can I make this amusing and interesting?" to which myself replied, "Well self, perhaps you can blog about what you were studying at the moment that specific events occurred and try to make a humorous connection between them?" which made me respond with, "Damn self, that's a great idea. You're a genius! And quite gorgeous as well!"

Yeah, kind of insane, talk to myself, no biggie smalls. Let's move on:

1st Period

- First goal (beauty, btw): Reading about how people take supplements to boost immunity. *chuckle* if only San Jose could take a supplement to boost their PK :)

- Jimmy's GREAT sequence of saves on the PK halfway through the period: Reading about homeopathic remedies. Comparison? Both are absolutely ridiculous. (Seriously? DILUTE SHIT THAT GIVES YOU A DISEASE TO TREAT IT? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED??? I'm not even joking. Homeopathy thinks that if you have HIV, taking diluted HIV infected blood will cure you. I honestly WISH I was joking. Idiots.)

- Kronwall waited WAYYYYYYYY too long to move over to Heatley on that 2-1: Reading about Drug Identification Numbers, Kronwall should've identified the scenario sooner (lame one, I know)

- Kronner makes up for it by Crushing Clowe, who is no small man: Reporting Adverse Events of newly lisenced products. That sure was an adverse event for Clowe!

- MUUUULLLLEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Literally didn't move at all in my notes. Was typing that last one while the goal went in. Pure shot. Unreal.

2nd Period

- Fucking two goals in like 10 seconds? Really? Fuck. Reading about nutritional considerations in pregnancy, which Jimmy might be now after getting raped on those two goals.

- Heater scored the 4th goal of the night as I was writing the word "fetus", talking about building up a fetus' iron stores during pregnancy since breast milk is low in iron. I wish his mother aborted him as a fetus. (AAaaaaaaand here comes the hate mail and death threats. JOKE PEOPLE. FUCK)

- Remember when Heatley killed a guy? Not really relevant, just thought I'd bring it up.

Intermission Fun Fact:
According to my Nutrition Professor, Menstruation stops during pregnancy because your body adapts to the increased need for blood by reducing a major source of blood loss. Funny. Here I was thinking that menstruation stopped so that you don't SPONTANEOUSLY ABORT THE FETUS or something silly like that. How ignorant I was.

3rd Period:

- Couture goal: writing down that you should get up really slowly in the morning to reduce morning sickness. Apparently the Wings got sick during the first, read this same thing, and decided to slow down considerably for the rest of the game. Brutal effort.

- Boring period. Nothing else of excitement happened IMO

Literally, I am not even joking, I wasn't really paying attention at the end of the game; the final buzzer sounded as I was taking breastfeeding notes and wrote down "Let-Down Reflex." Yeah, that just happened. Sums the game up nicely yeah?

Hope you enjoyed the Nutritional version of a Red Wings Recap. If you didn't, don't worry, it'll never happen again. Now if you'll excuse me, I still have 115 Powerpoint slides to take notes on to reach my nightly goal. Then some other classes too. Fucking exams.

Sidney Crosby and the Amazing Slew-Foot

2010-11-30T23:54:00.007-05:00

Well, by now most viewers have had a chance to watch Crosby slew-foot Callahan in last week's matchup, only to skate away scott-free...and somehow, Callahan took an interference penalty for the whole debacle. Here's a link to the incident in question.

My, aren't we calling a tight game... on the Rangers?

For those who aren't familiar with the term, slew-footing is a dirty play in which the offending player uses their leg to knock another player off-balance, usually by sweeping the back of their knee with either their own leg or their stick. It can result in injury and should be a pretty obvious call.

Not in this case.

Resident referee Rob Benneian has this to say about whether or not Callahan should have received a penalty, and whether or not Crosby is a dirty player for having committed the slew-foot. Rob also has some pretty interesting links to share:

"If they are calling the rules by the exact letter of the law, then yes, it was an interference penalty on Callahan. He did impede him. However, I don't see how Crosby doesn't get a penalty for the slewie. They were debating this play on That's Hockey today, and they came to the conclusion that Crosby is not a dirty player, this was just an example of him "playing hard". Right, but if a guy making 6 figures instead of 7 did that he's just a goon who has no place in the game right?

Brandon Dubinsky (Callahan's teammate) called out Crosby after the game, saying he's a dirty player. Crosby said "If I'm a dirty player, show me what plays you're talking about". Aside from THIS slew foot, here's a short list I compiled in under a minute:

http://www.youtube.com/wat

ch?v=4wqR17KrLKw (third man into a fight/punching a guy in the balls)

http://www.youtube.com/wat

ch?v=dhDVXtlhF4Y&feature=r

elated (jumps Maclean off the faceoff)

http://www.youtube.com/wat

ch?v=r1cUiECOGDY&feature=r

elated(Crosby jumps Z)

http://www.youtube.com/wat

ch?v=w9eaECfK8F8 (Slewfoots Zach Bogosian)

Well, Crosby fans might be saying that we're just picking on him because we don't like him and think he's a whiner (for my part, they're right... I love picking on him because I hate his guts... most recent reason being because the first thing that Google brings up when I type in "Sidney Crosby" is a discussion forum called Sidney Crosby's Girlfriend, for fuck's sake), but there is another reason for this post: We'll be very interested to learn if Crosby will be punished for the slew-foot.

Slew-Footing is under Rule 52 in the Official NHL Rules, and the penalties in the rulebook are as follows:

"52.2 Match Penalty - Any player who is guilty of slew-footing shall be assessed a match penalty.

52.3 Fines and Suspensions - There are no specified fines or suspensions for slew-footing, however, supplementary discipline can be applied by the Commissioner at his discretion (refer to Rule 28)."

Source: NHL.com "Official Rules"

High-profile players don't get punished for that kind of thing, you say? Not so. In 2009, Alex Ovechkin slew-footed Rich Peverley and got a fine, but avoided a suspension (super-stardom doesn't only work in Crosby's favor). And the NHL has handed out hardier punishments: In the week before Ovechkin's fine, Anaheim's Evgeni Artyukhin committed the offense in a game against Dallas, and was suspended 3 games plus foregoing $34,756 of his salary.

It should be noted that Artyukhin did not receive an on-ice penalty, for reasons known only to the officials on the ice that night, but the NHL reviewed the tapes after the thought and acted quickly.

The puck's in your zone, Commissioner. I don't see the NHL fining its superstar when he's having such a good week, but you never know... sometimes they follow the rules that they set for their league.

Giving Thanks

2010-11-25T17:21:00.006-05:00

Even though this blog is 67% Canadian from a writing perspective (Maybe more, not sure where Becky's parents hail from), it is for an American team with predominantly American readers, and for that reason we'd like to join our American friends today by giving Thanks on this day of Thanksgiving.

I swear, that was the only reason.

No, it has nothing to do with us missing Canadian Thanksgiving.

No idea what you mean.

You're crazy.

Please vacate the premises.

He's gone? Fantastic. What a weirdo. Anywho, where were we.....

Oh, right, giving thanks. Firstly, Rob:

Happy Thanksgiving from Rob to all of our American readers. I knew you guys were generally speaking a little slower than us, but come on guys we already had this holiday like a month ago! Do you guys celebrate Christmas in February? I like learning about other cultures. A couple of things I'm thankful for are:

-the fact that I am not a Lions fan

-that Colin Campbell gave us a reason to wear our tinfoil hats

-that I don't have to watch the Minnesota Wild play on a regular basis. I honestly think if the first hockey game I had ever seen had been one involving them, I would have said "Not for me, this strange, frozen sport". Yeah, I talked like that when I was 7. Sup?

-that I don't cheer for the Lions. Did I say that yet?

-that your funky late holiday means that Christmas is almost here, which marks the end of my formal education, for now

-I mean seriously they gave up four straight touchdowns to end the game....

What a guy, some great stuff. Now, Becky:

Alright, here are the things I am thankful for:

1) The remaining hairs clinging Brian Rafalski's head
2) Same goes for Big Bert's teeth
3) That only 10 months remain on Mikey Mo's contract
4) Every sexy molecule in Patrick Eaves' body
5) Pavel Datsyuk's English
6) The "village tradition" outfit Henrik Zetterberg is wearing in some of his wedding pictures
7) The fact that Mule made it through October without being decapitated or something
8) The fact that none of us need to drive Patrick Kane home, or make his change
9) The fact that The Hair remains lustrous and full
10) Darren Helm fanfiction. Cody, link it. Nuff said.

I'm not sure I should link the fanfic. It terrifies me frankly. @reply me on twitter if you really want it. Just know this: Darren Helm himself has read it, thanks to (in part) me. What a gorgeous young woman though yeah? Shame she won't date me. Probably said some other nice stuff too, wasn't really paying attention. Women, eh guys?

As for myself, I'd like to give thanks for the following:

- Bert's willingness to cut back on his spinning all 'round, which has lead to a decrease in collective wooziness around the world.

- Lidstrom's attitude. You know what I mean. You can tell in the back of his mind, every game this year, he's just thinking "Oh Duncan you little fucker, how DARE you touch my fucking trophy..."

- Everyone's favorite isomer of C2H6O, Ethanol. Especially on nights like yesterday. Or just nights in general. Days too. One of the guys in my class keeps calling me an alcoholic. Hope he doesn't read this.

- Every sexy little ATOM that makes up every sexy molecule in Patrick Eaves' body

- The fact that somewhere in Michigan right now, Hudler and Gator are getting their asses kicked by the team of Helm and Draper's son in ministick hockey

- The delusional hope that if I wear her down enough, Becky will eventually go out with me. Annoyance can only be my friend here, right? Chicks like being pestered incessantly right?

- Being, by far, the SEXIEST team of writers of any blog ever. And Rob. And Becky. They're cute too. Yeah. I meant me. Sup.

- The fact that American Thanksgiving means November is almost over, which means No-Shave November is almost over, which means that I can almost SHAVE THIS FUCKING ITCHY ASS BEARD OFF SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS IT ITCHES SO GOD DAMN MUCH I WANT TO MURDER IT OMGOMGOMGWHYCAN'TTHISMONTHENDITITCHEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

And finally, since we like cheesy endings here at WWEh? (as long as it's not FUCKING GOUDA FUCK YOU GOUDA I HATE YOU SO MUCH) we're of course, thankful for all of you, our readers. Without you to compare ourselves to, we wouldn't know for sure how much better than most people we are. I mean, we'd have a damn good guess, but nothing definitive. So, yeah, Thanks.

Wings Topple Flames in OT

2010-11-21T19:50:00.002-05:00

Ahem.....

FSJFOWJOFWFJWOFJWOJWRIWOWNFSNFKSNFS KFSSFSFS

...deep breath...

sdkfjsklfjsfwifSFJSFJSJFS0r3098298021

13&40, 13&40, 13&40!!

RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

That is all. Atlanta ThrashHawks on Wednesday bitches.

The Elephant in the Room: Advertising on Jerseys

2010-11-18T20:18:00.006-05:00

By now, most headline-perusing Wings fans will have heard or read that Amway has drawn itself into sponsorship of the Detroit Red Wings, thereby leaving its mark - literally - on the team's practice jerseys. Amway is a corporate sponsor of two other teams: It owns the rights to the Orlando Magic's stadium name and is the biggest sponsor of the San Jose Earthquakes. In addition to the patch in the upper right-hand corner of the practice jerseys, Amway also gets an end-board advertisement placing.

Slightly less-high-profile deals have also been struck with Fathead and Quicken Loans. Both of these businesses are owned by Dan Gilbert (owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers). These two companies will sponsor the Budd Lynch Veterans Suite at the Joe. The suite hosts military veterans and active personnel. These two companies will also get virtual signage on the end glass.

Well, what does this mean for advertisements in hockey? The vast majority of hockey fans would be outraged to see advertisements creeping up into the regular game jerseys, and many would also argue that advertisements on practice jerseys are just a step away from the real deal. Those in the opposing camp would say that the amount of monetary gain for slapping a small patch onto a jersey few spectators see is well worth the grievance of "selling out".

A popular model for this debate is that of soccer (futbol) jerseys overseas. The team's colors form the background to the jersey, and there is a barely-discernible patch in the corner with the team's logo on it, but the dominant theme of the soccer jersey is the logo of the sponsor. Just for example, my Liverpool FC kit is the traditional red-and-white colors with the Liver Bird in the corner, but the sponsor's name ("Carlsberg") is the most prominent thing displayed.

This is very typical of a soccer jersey - just replace "Carlsberg" with some other sponsor.

Does this advertising take away from the identity and emotion of the team? As someone who's only known the Mighty Reds in their advertisement jerseys, I'd have to say that the advertisement, while initially surprising and annoying, doesn't really have much to do with how I feel about the team and its merchandise. Certainly I'd be more inclined to buy a jersey with the Liver Bird on it, but this is the way it's been for years, and due to the amount of debt that soccer teams are finding themselves in these days, it's unlikely to change. When I see them on the field, I've learned to focus on the color of the jerseys instead of looking for the logo.

However, I would be really upset to see a "Carlsberg" logo, for example, where the Winged Wheel used to be. I definitely don't see that happening. The change would be so mightily resisted that I really think that soccer-jersey-style advertising will never happen in the NHL. However, it's possible that we could end up with something like this down the line:

Not pleasing to the eye, that's for sure.

A change like this would be most harmful to teams like the Red Wings, who keep a traditionally-styled, streamlined jersey whose main theme is simplicity. The Wings have a great jersey because it's simple, traditional, and it gets to the point. Red and white. Winged wheel. Name and number. Possibly a 'C' or an 'A'. That's all you need to know.

What does the future hold for advertising and hockey jerseys? We can't know for sure... but at least we can hope that we'll never end up with anything like this:

What are you, a lumberjack??

The Blindside Hit and the Separated Shoulder

2010-11-17T23:25:00.009-05:00

First of all, I would like to acknowledge the excellent pun made by Amerinadian on "Winging it in Motown"... the headline in question being 'Red Wings Change the Tune, Run Blues Reggaed."

Nicely done.

Alright, moving on. Anyone who watched the Wings play the Blues the other night was well-justified if they gave a groan of despair and pain for Kronwall as he took a blind-side hit and went to the ice in a heap. If you're like me, you were thinking, "Well, at least we made it through October this time..."

We'll leave the officiating debate up to Cody and Rob, our resident referees. I have no stance on who was at fault for that hit; the player being hit for not 'keeping his head up', or the player making the hit who should always be aware of and in control of his body and equipment.

I can, however, tell you about what that kind of hit does to a hockey player's body. Let's look at the separated shoulder, the most likely injury from that kind of contact.

Disclaimer: We don't know at this time if Kronner suffered an injury of any kind in that hit. This is hypothetical.

Special thanks to MayoClinic.com for this great picture of a separated shoulder. Used without permission, and we have no money, so please don't sue us with the fancy lawyers I know you have because I grew up in that town *GASP* need air...

A "separated shoulder" is actually an injury sustained to the AC (acromioclavicular) joint. This joint is found at the top of the shoulder and is the junction of the clavicle (collarbone) and the scapula (shoulderblade). Included in the AC joint AREA is the humerus (upper arm bone). Taken all together, these three bones form a big junction and it is not at all 'humerus' if dislodged (heh heh heh...). It is a ball-and-socket joint, with the collarbone and the scapula forming the socket, and the head of the humerus forming the ball. This means that the joint can be injured in two major ways: It can be dislocated, or a separation can occur.

I mention these two injuries together because they are often confused, though they are really very different injuries. A shoulder dislocation is an injury to the glenohumeral joint - when the humerus "ball" pops out of the clavicle-scapula "socket". Usually patients with a dislocation have an anterior dislocation (where the humerus is in front of the shoulderblade), which makes their arms hang with the palm facing outward. The arm will sit there fairly uselessly and painfully until the joint is popped back into place (and yes, this hurts as much as it sounds like it does, or so my patients on the ambulance inform me).

The shoulder separation happens between the clavicle and the scapula (the AC joint). It is what it sounds like; the two bones get pried apart. A shoulder separation occurs one of two ways: There is either a direct blow to the shoulder (like what happened to Kronwall during the hit), or the person affected separates the shoulder by falling onto an open, outstretched hand (this happens a lot in bicycle accidents).

What are the symptoms? How is it diagnosed? Well, lots of physicians can determine if a shoulder is separated based on symptoms and a physical evaluation (no one likes this physical evaluation...). However, an x-ray is necessary, not only to be completely sure that there is a separation, but to make sure that nothing's broken. While the bones in this area are very strong, they can be fractured, and significant blood loss can occur if the humerus is broken (this happens very rarely in shoulder separations). With more significant separations, the coracoclavicular ligament and capsule around the joint will be damaged as well. The most common symptom of a shoulder separation? Pain. This is a pretty traumatic injury, and it'll hurt like a beast right from the onset. Additionally, swelling and bruising will likely be found.

An interesting thing about shoulder separations: They're rated on a severity scale. You can separate your shoulder from Type I (an injury to the capsule that surrounds the AV joint; there is no actual bone separation) to Type VI (an excessive injury that is rare and very painful, where the bones actually get pushed below other bones). The rating scale is generally dependent on how far the bones are displaced, and anything over a Type III (ligament and capsule damage, displaced bones) is rare.

How about the treatment? If you've ever injured a joint and gone to the doctor, and your doctor's worth anything, you'll have heard the acronym RICE. Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation. The treatment starts with these four simple things, and usually the injury will heal over time with just ice and some Advil. Surgery is rarely necessary for Type III and below, and there is even research that suggests that athletes that do not undergo surgery for these minor and moderate injuries get back to their sport more quickly. Surgery is an option, however, and the surgeons attempt to stabilize the clavicle (with sutures or a screw) and/or reconstruct the ligament during the procedure.

Generally a separated shoulder takes only a few weeks to heal, though it sounds ominous and painful. Like all sports injuries, however, it can be exacerbated by existing injuries or failure to take the healing process slowly, and any joint that has been injured is more likely to be injured again.

So, Um, yeah.... we're back? Maybe?

2010-11-17T22:09:00.003-05:00

So, yeah. Hey. What's up guys, how have you been? Yeah? That's nice.

I guess you're wondering what happened to us. Well, luckily, we're good at excuses.

Becky has been off doing her Paramedic training, or EMT, I think they're different somehow, not sure which is which. She's also been busy with not responding to my advances. Second one is kind of annoying. Um, what else.... uh, she like, moved between states at one point? Whatever, she's hot. Hot chicks don't need to make excuses and explain things. Fact of life. Get used to it.

As for me (It's Cody, btw), I have been studying for and writing midterms since 2 days before the season started. Yeah. Started studying a week early, then had 36 days of exams. Last one was this morning. Be jealous. But not really, cause that was sarcastic. It sucked.

And Rob, well, um, I actually don't know what happened to him. Hold on. Gonna text him:
Me: "Hey, what's your excuse for not making any WWEh? posts since the season started?"
Him: "Lazy?"
Me: "Weak"
Him: "Working 30 hours a week, school, trying to have a social life and single handidly run dsn's hockey section, if I'm being honest though"
Me: "Better."

So, yeah. Sorry about that. Probably should've given you a heads up. Gotten, by last count, 2,387,465 emails asking when we'd be back.

~98.276% wanted moar animal sex facts.

~1.624% was hate mail from PETA

The other ~0.1% was from Rob.

Sending letters to his future self.

Kind of weird.

AAAAAAaaaaaaanyway, yeah, we're back. Or at least I am. The blog is, at any rate. I know that some of you may be expecting some kind of game recap, since we just had, you know, a game like half an hour ago, but that's not gonna happen tonight. I'm drunk, Rob is busy, and Becky is (like usual) not responding to my advances (Not even sexual this time! [okay, maybe still a little sexual]) Maybe after the next game. We'll play it by ear. See how things go. Fly by the seat of our pants. Other colloquialisms referring to similar situations.

I think the important, take home message from this post is as such:

The Blogosphere just got a LOT sexier.

And Rob is back too.

A Perfect Season

2010-10-07T12:45:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow marks the start of the regular season for the Red Wings, and just like every other year, my first thought is, "It's the perfect season to go undefeated!"

A perfect season in the NHL seems ridiculous. There are 82 games in the regular season alone, and the team would have to sweep every playoff opponent to maintain a truly perfect record. While pondering this feat, and wondering if it was possible, I started wondering how close an NHL team has actually come to an undefeated season. If there has only been one perfect season in the modern NFL (1972 Miami Dolphins, 14 regular season wins and 3 post-season), where they only have to win SEVENTEEN games, it seems unlikely that an NHL team has ever reached that plateau. So who came the closest?

The season was 1995-1996. The team won 62 of 82 possible games. It was the post-lockout Detroit Red Wings.

What were the Wings like in that season? Scotty Bowman was in his third NHL season. The Wings had just picked up Fetisov, Larionov, and Vernon. Although they lost in the WCF to the eventually-champion Avalanche, the pavement was laid, so to speak, for their '97-'98 triumphs.

In present day Red Wings hockey, the team is getting older, but their power is not diminished. If they stay healthy, I'm seeing at least a Stanley Cup in their immediate future... and maybe a perfect season.

Let's go Wings.

What will Johnny Rig do next?

2010-10-02T13:03:00.002-04:00

The tale of Johnny Rig and Jakubsaurus Rex is a twisted one indeed.

Big E was the last pick in the 2002 draft, being selected at #291 overall by the Detroit Red Wings. At the time of his selection, he was a big hulking forward who went overlooked by all other NHL teams. Now, he is a big hulking defenseman who overlooks his defensive assignment on the other team.

Three years later, the Kindl Stick would be selected with the highest pick the Red Wings have made in the last two centuries* (all dates are approximates) at 19th overall. Kindl almost made the Red Wings as a fresh-faced 19 year old in his first ever NHL training camp. However, he would be sent to the AHL for a little bit of seasoning.

However, it was Ericsson who would make the jump to the NHL before Kindl. Since then, he has been trying to locate the ownership paper's to his role on the Red Wings blue line so that he could hand them over to Kindl.

With that being said, let's take a look at some of the things Ericsson might do to lose his job tonight:

-Interrupting Todd Bertuzzi while he is going through his pre-game ritual of slaughtering a small group of orphans

-Asking Brian Rafalski how his chemo treatment is going

-While showering at the same time as Niklas Kronwall, put his head down to look at for the soap he had carelessly dropped

-Telling Mike Modano he really enjoyed playing as him on NHL '94 for the Sega Genesis

-Couldn't help but ask Kris Draper if the Wings acquired him for $1 Canadian or American

-Was heard telling Kirk Maltby, Derek Meech and Mattias Ritola that it was too bad that there wasn't any room for them on the roster given that any of them could give the puck away as effectively as he does

-Trying to return a stare from Mike Babcock in an attempt to show assertiveness and self-confidence ended in third degree burns to his retinas and a severe case of word salad.

As always, add your own to the comment section!

A look at the D pairing swap from DSN

2010-09-20T11:17:00.001-04:00

Late last week, it was reported that Red Wings coach Mike Babcock was planning on splitting the top two defense pairings of Nicklas Lidstrom and Brian Rafalski, and Niklas Kronwall and Brad Stuart respectively. Kronwall would move up to play with Lidstrom, while Rafalski would bump down and play with Stuart. Here, I take a look at what the move means for the team this year and down the road a couple of seasons.

Babcock has apparently toyed with this idea for quite some time, and has tried to implement it in the past, but this time around, he says, it is the player's idea. The intention of the move is obvious. The Red Wings have two elite puck moving defenders in Lidstrom and Rafalski, as well as two players who excel at taking the body in Kronwall and Stuart. In the past, teams have had to worry about the Wings top pairing beating them on the scoreboard and the second pairing belting them into the third row. The goal now is to have each of the pairings capable of doing a little of both. This move should prove effective in even-strength situations as both Kronwall and Stuart are no slouches with the puck either, and are fully capable of carrying a rush or finding an open man themselves. I expect this move will lead to an increase in our even-strength goal totals in the 2010-2011 season.

As far as man-advantage situations go, Babcock has tipped his hand again. He has indicated that he plans on reuniting Lidstrom and Rafalski to form the number one pairing on the power play, with Kronwall and newcomer Mike Modano forming the second unit. On the penalty kill, with Lilja out and Salei in, I expect we'll see pairings of Lidstrom-Stuart and Kronwall-Salei for the most part, as Rafalski does not kill penalties, and Ericsson has yet to prove he can be trusted to get the puck out under duress.

I happen to think the Mike Babcock is among the best coaches in the NHL, and I am flabbergasted that he didn't even garner a nomination for the Jack Adams trophy for Coach of the Year last season when he took an injury-decimated Red Wings team to a 5th place finish in the West. I think that the moves that Babcock makes elicit the best results from his players both in the present and in the future. He is a supreme motivator and player developer. With that said, I think there is more to the shakeup of his long-established defensive pairings than simply yielding results for the 2010-2011 season.

This off-season, Red Wings fans experienced a small twinge of panic that we have not had since Yzerman took his last lap around the Joe Louis Arena. There was legitimate concern that the anchor of our blue line, Nicklas Lidstrom, would finally hang up the skates after a Hall of Fame career that saw him revolutionize the defensive position. Lidstrom, who has been with the Red Wings for his entire NHL career, came over from Sweden for the 1991-1992 season and played in 80 games, putting up 60 points, the same amount as that year's Calder Trophy winner for rookie of the year, Pavel Bure.

He has been a steadying, stabilizing force for a team that needed his calming influence on the blue line. The Red Wings were a franchise that was just starting to regain some respectability in the league after decades of futility. In Lidstrom's 18 NHL seasons, he's only played fewer than 80 games 5 times, and one of those was the lockout-shortened 1994-1995 campaign. This past season, he eclipsed the 1,000 point mark for his career. He is a mind-numbing +432 for his career. Take a second to understand that number. That is an average of +24 a season over the course of his career. He is ranked first among active players by a whopping +234 over Patrik Elias of the New Jersey Devils.

He was also the first ever European-born and trained captain to lead a team to a Stanley Cup victory, as well as the first to win the Conn Smythe Trophy. Over the course of his career, he has an additional 3 Stanley Cup victories from before he was the captain, as well as 6 Norris trophies for best defenseman in the NHL. Prior to his first Norris trophy victory in 2001, he was a runner-up for three consecutive seasons, and was also the third-place vote getter for the 2009 Norris trophy.

When Lidstrom decides to call it a career, the NHL will be losing one of it's all time greats, and a player whose skill level and cerebral approach to the game we may never see again. It will always be Lidstrom and Orr as the benchmark for greatness from a blue liner, and the Red Wings as a franchise will no doubt feel the gaping hole he will leave as the resident first pairing left-side defender for the past two decades.

Lidstrom and Rafalski have led the Wings to a Stanley Cup win, as well as another appearance in the finals, and have widely been regarded as among the best pairings in the league. The two have combined for an average of about 111 points a season in the time they've played together. With that said, there has to be an ulterior motive for splitting such a formidable pair.

With Lidstrom in the final years of his career, and Rafalski only signed through the 2011-2012 season, the writing seems to be on the wall for a changing of the guard. Niklas Kronwall, as the youngest of the Red Wings top four, and the only one they've drafted and developed themselves aside from Lidstrom, seems to be the heir apparent to Lidstrom's throne.

Recently, Ken Holland stated that he thinks that Niklas Kronwall can be an "elite, elite level defender" in the NHL, if he can ever figure out how to stay healthy. Kronwall was on his way to career-best numbers last season before a knee-on-knee hit by Georges Laraques derailed his year. Now that Kronwall is back to feeling 100% following a recent procedure to clean out his knee, it may be the time to get him some exposure on the Red Wings top pairing so he can begin to adjust to the role that will almost certainly be his in the very near future.

There would be no better tutor in the game of hockey for Kronwall to learn from than fellow Swede Nicklas Lidstrom, which is why the pairing makes so much sense. Kronwall is just entering what should be the prime of his career, while Lidstrom has already been there and done that more than once. Kronwall, who is already an elite-level puck carrier and is capable of delivering devastating body checks to unsuspecting opponents, could pick up a thing or two from the 6 time Norris trophy winner about running an offense from the back end.

Where I really hope Kronwall takes Lidstrom's tutelage to heart is on his own side of center ice. Kronwall, for all of his high-end skill and bone-crushing hits, has had a nasty habit of careless play with the puck in his own zone. It is the kind of play that isn't indicative of talent level or ability, but rather a lack of attention to detail. Lidstrom, who is quite possibly the most intelligent defender to ever play the game should spend a lot of time with Kronwall this season working on the minute details that make his game such an effective one. Lidstrom seems to glide around the ice without expending any energy whatsoever. He choose to simply lift an opponent's stick to take the puck rather than mashing them into the boards. He takes such effective angles that he cuts down on the number of strides he takes. Watching him work is like seeing a well-oiled machine hum along to absolute perfection.

If Kronwall can absorb even half of what Lidstrom can throw at him, then our defensive outlook won't be quite so bleak when Lidstrom isn't the one leading us out into battle every night. I strongly believe that this is, rather than a hope for an improved defensive corps for the 2010-2011 season is the main reason for changing up the defense pairings. Only time will tell if Niklas Kronwall can be as good of a tutor as Nicklas Lidstrom most certainly will be as a teacher.

Would you, if you could?

2010-08-23T11:51:00.002-04:00

It's become pretty common knowledge that the Chicago Blackhawks plan to wipe their hands clean of the biggest mistake in sporting history. I'm talking, of course, about the Cristobal Huet contract. Even at the time it was signed, it had me scratching my head. At this point, it's all I can do to not laugh uncontrollably at it's mere mention.

Rumor has been that the Hawks are simply going to waive Cristobal Huet and his enormous contract to the AHL. Today, however, Drew from NOHS reported that a deal may be in the works for Chicago to loan Huet to a team in Switzerland for a year.

This got me to thinking, what if it were this easy to get rid of any mistakes we made in the past, no matter how significant? I set out to see what the public had to say through Twitter, Facebook, text messages, in person interviews and even a very special phone call, and this is what I turned up.

Doug from Facebook was the first to chime in, and he said that if he could, he would have gone to his math exam on the correct day in freshman year. Ha, like it would've mattered.

From Twitter, @Detroit4lyfeRob Said that he would NOT have eaten the nachos. Sage advice my friend...

Chris from Facebook said that if he could, he wouldn't have slept with that fat chick. I know Chris pretty well, and my only comment would be...which one, Chris? Dude loves to go hogging, what can I say.

Back to Twitter, @Baroque97 said that she would not have listened when someone told her that "that beaver dam looks stable enough to cross the stream on". That Chris Pronger is SUCH an asshole!

Co-writer Cody reached me by text and said "I don't make mistakes, I'm like Jesus. Only real." Isn't he precious?

New writer to the blog, Becky aka @CaptObviousEh said that she wouldn't have told a patient she was having testicular contractions.

I talked to my mom and dad, and they said that they wouldn't have made love on January 25th, 1989...I thought that was a weird thing to say, but whatever. I wonder what they're getting me for my 21st birthday in late October?

Former NHLer Eric Lindros reached me by phone. He said that "if could go back and change things, he would have kept his head up when Scott Stevens was on the potatoe apple banana".

Get ready for the season: Know your sports injuries!

2010-08-20T21:35:00.017-04:00

Today, WWEh presents a diversion from our normal summer topics of animal penises and… animal penises. It’s time to get ready for the season, Wings fans – what? It’s only a month and a half away! Today, we give you a breakdown of sports injuries: What they are, and why they take players out for as long as they do. If you stare at the injury report with cartoon question marks hovering above your head, this article is for you.

And for you.

The worst thing about sports injuries is the dramatic way in which they compound. An inflamed patellar tendon – a painful but usually minor problem – can lead to advanced osteoarthritis. A strained Achilles tendon can translate that strain into the player’s knee, and from the knee into the hip, and from there into the spine. A knock to the head can cause everything from a headache to death. We’ll give you the breakdown by body part (and we’ll try to stay away from the animal penises. No guarantees.)

The most common injury in hockey is a laceration. A laceration is a cut, as opposed to an abrasion (a ‘rubbing’ injury – think rug burn) or an avulsion (where the skin has been peeled off). The most dramatic laceration injury in hockey history has to be that of Buffalo’s hockey goalie, Clint Malarchuk, who got his jugular severed by a skate on television.

Ouch.

We’ve all seen the clip. If you haven’t seen the clip (warning: graphic injury), here it is. This is an example where the color commentators are not exaggerating what’s happening on the ice, though they were more commenting on the gross nature of the situation, rather than the fact that the laceration could easily have been lethal. Malarchuk would have bled out in less than two minutes if the team’s medic hadn’t saved him. Happy ending: This guy spent only one night in the hospital and was back on the ice with his team less than two weeks later, though his performance (understandably) never got back to where it was. He was extremely lucky – once a person’s carotid artery is spewing, they have a very small chance of living through it.

Fortunately, most lacerations are pretty minor, despite how they look. Head lacerations in particular are dramatic, because there is a lot of blood flow to the scalp and face, and so many viewers are horrified when they see their players dripping with blood and heading to the locker room. Do not be alarmed, hockey fans – as a paramedic student, I can assure you that most head lacerations are very minor, despite the large amount of blood involved, and unless the laceration continued into the eye (see: Bryan Berard, 2000, legally blind in one eye after being struck in the eye by Marian Hossa), the player should only be out of the game for the amount of time it takes to sew him up.

Beyond lacerations, you’ll see a lot of joint injuries in hockey. Joint injuries are very technical, especially when they happen in the knee, but fear not. We have pictures. These pictures are NOT GRAPHIC – they are only diagrams of the joints. I will NOT post gory pictures of dislocated patellae or severed tendons. I got it out of my system with the severed goalie. I think.

Maybe not.

(I don’t know what’s going on here, but I know it involves sawing the leg off of a Chelsea footballer, and that makes me happy. YNWA ~)

The ankle area: The ankle is a complicated structure, with the tibia (shin) on one end and metatarsals (small foot bones) after some other complex bones on the other side. Although inversion ankle sprains (“rolled ankle” sprains) are less common in hockey than in other sports, they still can happen, and require some time to heal. However, hockey players often do suffer high-ankle sprains – known in the medical world as a syndesmotic sprain because of the syndesmotic (interosseous) ligament that is often affected in these injuries.

Unfortunately, the high ankle sprain often has an impact on the rest of the ankle and the foot, since the upper ankle has a large effect on the stability and function of the lower ankle. This injury can be caused by ‘catching a toe’, sliding into the boards feet-first, or any number of contact situations in which the outside of the ankle is given a severe blow while it’s in a weird position. Level of pain and function after the injury varies greatly, and therefore so does the treatment – from simply staying off of it and using crutches, to corticosteroid injections; it all depends on how severe the swelling and pain is. No matter what level of pain or function, the high-ankle sprain is hard to manage because of the number of structures in the foot that it affects. A high-ankle sprain sounds like no big deal, but don’t be surprised if a player is out for months because of one.

Knees – Ligaments: There are four ligaments that work together to connect the bones of the knee joint: The ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) and the PCL (Posterior Cruciate Ligament); the MCL (Medial Collateral Ligament) and the LCL (Lateral Collateral Ligament). These ligaments can all be damaged, to varying degrees of pain and suffering. The ACL and PCL are sometimes damaged together, since they cross over each other perpendicularly (“cruciate” = “cross”, indicating the crossed pattern of the ACL and PCL), and loss of function of one of them can impair the function of the other.

The ACL and PCL are damaged most often by a twisting force, since the ACL (and to a smaller degree, the PCL) works on restraining the inner knee from twisting – when the knee is forced to twist, the ACL is therefore damaged as well. ACLs and PCLs are also prone to damage due to sudden stops. ACL tears in particular are difficult to fix, since simply sewing the tendon back together is usually ineffective. A common treatment for a severe ACL injury is complete replacement of the ligament, using pieces of other ligaments and tendons. ACL repair is highly successful (90-95% get back to their sport in about 6 months) when it has to happen; and fortunately, these types of injuries are less common in hockey and more common in sports like football.

The MCL, on the other hand, is commonly affected in hockey. The MCL and LCL are located on either side of the knee (MCL on the inside, LCL on the outside), and since they stabilize the knee’s sideways motion, they can be injured by a direct blow to the opposite side of the knee. These ligaments often heal on their own with lots of rest.

A look at some of the larger structures in the knee:

This image is gratefully borrowed from eHealthMD. “Wings Win, Eh?” does not own this image and has no money, so please don’t sue us!

Knees – Tendons and Cartilage: The patellar tendon is an important tendon that runs through the knee and can be the subject of debilitating sports injuries. It connects the kneecap to the upper part of the tibia (large shin bone), and translates a lot of force across the knee. Injuries to the patellar tendon can be severe and excruciatingly painful, and the tendon has poor blood supply and therefore heals very slowly. Rafael Nadal, the famous tennis player, has bilateral (both sides) patellar tendonitis and occasionally has to withdraw from big tournaments because of the pain the injury causes him. There are very few options for players with patellar tendonitis, though some get cortisone shots into the tendon to reduce swelling; and they must often choose to simply tape it up and play with inflamed knees.

In addition to damage to the patellar tendon, there is cartilage in the knee that can be worn down – specifically the two menisci in the knee. There is a lateral meniscus and a medial meniscus (lateral meaning to the outside of the leg, medial meaning to the inside), and tearing of these structures, usually through twisting injuries, can impact the rest of the knee very negatively. This is particularly bad because the job of the menisci is to help spread the weight load around.

The Meniscus:

This image is also gratefully borrowed from eHealthMD. “Wings Win, Eh?” does not own this image, either, and made no money in the last two minutes, so please don’t sue us!

Groin/Upper Thigh Area: The most common injuries in this area are strains (where the fiber of the muscle tears apart). Hamstring strains, groin strains; both are painful and it can take a long time to recover from them. Many goalies with groin strains will push themselves to play while they have groin injuries; and while they can do this and still be somewhat effective, this only causes the injury to worsen. Most strains will heal without much to talk about, so long as the player rests them and ices them appropriately.

SO LONG AS HE RESTS IT.

I’m talkin’ to YOU, Minnesota Wild. Former Minnesota Wild. Whatever.

Hips: A hip flexor injury can be annoying and moderately painful, and it is pretty common in almost every sport - they are often damaged as a result of an explosive movement. Hip flexors are made up of three muscles (Rectus Femoris, Psoas Major, and Illiacus). These muscles stabilize the leg and one of them connects to the quads, so when the hip flexor is damaged, the hip and the rest of the leg lose a lot of motion. Since hip flexor injuries are often caused by core weakness and lack of flexibility, this injury is less common than others for hockey players. With rest and ice, this type of injury should go away pretty quickly, but if there is severe damage, the hockey player could be indisposed for a while.

Shoulders: Shoulder injuries are also common in hockey, though they are usually less debilitating than leg injuries and therefore cause less of a fuss. The majority of shoulder injuries are a result of being checked into the boards, falling on the ice, or having a mad collision with one of your teammates because the two of you were trying to smoosh Pavel Datsyuk, and he was just too awesome for you.

We’re speaking hypothetically, of course…

Wahahaha!

A shoulder separation is the likely result of this type of collision: It happens when the ligaments that hold the end of the collarbone down are severed or otherwise separated. Dislocations also occur, and they are painful and are often a recurring injury – surgery may be required to re-stabilize the shoulder joint. A dislocation is more rare than a separation in this sport because in order to dislocate a ball-and-socket joint like the shoulder, a lot of backwards force has to be applied to the arm instead of to the shoulder itself.

Neck and spinal injuries: Sopel vs. cracker. People with bad backs can have a relapse over almost nothing!

"I tell the truth and this is what I get. Next time I'll make up a better story."

- Actual quote from Sopel regarding "The Incident"

On a more serious note, as paramedics, we find neck and spinal injuries to be some of the most serious and stressful situations. If not handled correctly, a broken spine with intact nerves can become a broken spine with paralyzed nerves. The KHL has drawn the ire of the sports world for their lack of appropriate immobilization procedures when hockey players go down with a neck or back injury.

Paramedic Becky is screaming at this picture.

Head injuries: The most common head injury a hockey player will suffer (besides a laceration) is a concussion. There are multiple levels of concussions, and the higher the level, the worse off they’ll be. A mild concussion can present as simply a headache that won’t go away, but as Andreas Lilja will tell you, even a mild concussion can persist for months, and it is NOT a good idea to play with one (hear me, Franzie?). A severe concussion most likely will include a loss of consciousness and sometimes memory loss.

Gordie Howe suffered one of the most dramatic head injuries of all time, as he attempted to lay a check on a guy in 1950 and instead went crashing through the glass. Not expected to survive, due to multiple massive skull fractures, Howe’s condition was reported upon every hour until he somehow, miraculously, pulled through. Bill Masterson, of the 1968 North Stars, was not so lucky – he lived only 48 hours after his head injury and his death helped usher in the new era of helmeted hockey players. Head injuries are serious bidness. The player might look fine on the ice and die two hours later – he might look dead and return for the third period. Never, ever underestimate a head injury.

Hand injuries: Another extremely common injury in the rough sport of hockey is the fracture of the fifth metacarpal bone – the injury also known as “boxer’s hand”. I think we all know how this happens…

Turtle.

Hockey types often play through this injury.

How about shin splints? They are often a minor nuisance, caused by the bone separating from the muscle, but they can lead to stress fractures. Osteoarthritis? Debilitating pain and growing stiffness in the joints. Cartilage loss? It can happen in more places than just the menisci in the knee, and with the same results.

I could go on and on about injuries in hockey, but I’m starting to put myself to sleep. Let’s hope we don’t need this information so much this year!! LGW.

Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention.

2010-08-19T21:09:00.007-04:00

I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen.

CANNONBAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, gonna grab a towel here,... get a little towel dry going,..... okay, we're good. Moving on.

Ever since I started this blog many, many moons ago, I have been getting e-mail from people about all sorts of things. Some wanted to talk about the Wings. Some wanted to sell Viagara. Others included videos of two or more consenting adults doing...well never mind.

There was hate mail...oh, was there hate mail. Mostly hate mail. I get it, not everyone likes animal sex jokes.

There have also been quite literally hundreds of millions of applications to join the staff here at WWEh. It started off with just me, writing in my parent's basement, with only my man-servant Rudolf to ease the burden.

Then, I took on Cody as a co-writer, and the site flourished. Where before there had only been one man in my wolf-pack, there were two of us, where before there had only been one in the wolf-pack.

And it remained that way for quite some time. But then, Cody and I met someone, and we thought, could it be? Could it really be another wolf? And yes, our wolf pack grew once more.

So, now there are three of us wolves running around the prairies looking for moonshine and hockey pucks.

I'd like to take this time to introduce you to the newest member of the WWEh Writing Staff, by giving you a sneak-peek at the transcript to her interview with Cody and I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWEh Official Transcript

Rob: Okay, Becky, we've brought you here today for an interview after you applied for a position with us. We're just going to ask you a few routine questions to get to know you a little better, okay?

Becky: Sure, lay it on me!

Cody: *whispered* Oh, how I intend to...

Rob: Please state your name, age, and position you are applying for.
Becky “Captain Obvious” Schmidt, 23, NHL Commissioner. I can apply for that from this page, right? Good.

Cody: Please state your qualifications, including a brief history of your Red Wings Fandom.
Becky: Since 1987, when I slid from my mother’s womb, I, Becky Schmidt shouted obvious things at the television set, including such gems as “SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!” and “MOAR GOALS FOR MOAR WINS FOR MOAR SEASON FOR MOAR CUPS BECAUSE MOARRRRRR!!!” I am currently trying to work out a way to get Center Ice in a god-forsaken corner of South Dakota, where I study to be a Paramedic and try not to kill Republicans or Avs fans.

Rob: Please state your current and future employers/employments.
Becky: Victoria’s Secret. “Hello Bombshell…”

Cody: What is your current relationship status?
Becky: WTB Hot Fireman because moar.

Rob: What is your prediction of the third-defensive pairing come opening night?
Becky: Salei – Ericsson. Yes, I know Ericsson is technically a left-handed shot. I think Kindl will take Salei’s spot two or three out of every ten games or so. You never know with Babs – he’s not afraid to yank a guy if he’s not putting the pressure on. That came out wrong…

Cody: If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Becky: I see what you did there.

Cody: If you were with the Red Wings, what position would you be?
Becky: Backwards cowg - Assistant coach, so I could wear a fedora for the Winter Classic.

Rob: Would you be willing to date your fellow writer Cody?
Becky: Hmm…

Cody: Why not?!?!
Becky: He’s the same age as my little sister.

Rob: I mean, he's a great looking guy, funny as hell, and is gonna be making some serious money in a few years, you could do worse, right?
Becky: That is true, but he’s also a Canadian, and we would kill each other during the Olympics. While this dispute would only occur every four years, it would be strong enough to land us either in jail for disturbing the peace, or in family counseling for disturbing the neighbors. [US Hockey will be insanely good next round, Canada. Watch your moose, eh?]

Rob: Oh, right, Red Wings. Um, Who was your favorite Grind-Liner?
Becky: McCarty. Definitely McCarty.

Cody: Would you be willing to pose nude for the upcoming WWEh? Fundraising Calendar?
Becky: Do I get to pick the shag carpet? I assume I’ll be posing on shag carpet.

Rob: In reference to a recent DSN article I wrote, do you feel that the Wings are almost obligated to offer Maltby a contract in some way?
Becky: I think Kirk oughta find a graceful way to retire in the next 10 minutes.

Cody: In reference to Question #7, why did you choose your answer over the more traditional cowgirl or missionary?
Becky: Because backwards cowgirl is better. If you disagree, you’re wrong.

Rob: Who would be on YOUR Mount Puckmore for the Red Wings?
Becky: Stevie Y (representing all of the players who should be on here), Mike Babcock, Kenny Holland, and Red Wings European scout Hakan Andersson.

Cody: Who would you want to MOUNT on the Red Wings?
Becky: I’m a jersey chaser; I don’t discriminate.

Rob: Who is your favorite current and former player?
Becky: Favorite Former Player: Gotta be Gord Strate, because I love knowing that I could probably put up more points than him.
Favorite Current Player: Jimmy Howard won my allegiance forever when he gave Crosby a facewash last year. Close second: Hurricane Helm.

Cody: What is your first memory of the team?
Becky: An 8-2 trouncing of the Sabres in 1990.

Rob: Wow, that's Cody's first memory too! How much you two have in common, maybe you SHOULD go out together...
Becky: Cody has memories from the year he was born?! Maybe he should be an oracle instead of a pharmacist.

Cody: Just give it some thought, okay? At least the pretty one is hitting on you.
Becky: PATRICK EAVES IS HITTING ON ME?!

Rob: Where were you when the Red Wings won their most recent Stanley Cup?
Becky: Shitting my pants in my living room, which was littered with the debris of camping out there for two months of playoffs. My roommate at the time didn’t even bother to try to use the TV from May until July.

Cody: If you were on a deserted island and could bring only three things with you, what would they be? (Ed. Note: your contract here at WWEh? stipulates that two of these items must be Cody and a bottle of Scotch [Double Ed. Note: please state which kind of scotch you would prefer]).
Becky: All right, Cody, Scotch, and Vodka to drown out the taste of the scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch. Here it goes down. Down in my belly. Mm-mm-mm.

Rob: Do you miss Lilja?
Becky: Do I miss a guy stupid enough to test free agency in an off-season saturated with good UFAs? Ha.

Cody: Why do you want to write here at WWEh?
Becky: To get as many published digs at Crosby as possible. Also to get noticed by Patrick Eaves. Mmm…

Rob: Come on, let's be serious. It's to get closer to Cody. You cunning little minx you.
Becky: Shit, you got me.

How to spot a Superman reference in Seinfeld...

2010-08-14T23:19:00.002-04:00

*Opens door, flicks the light on*

Hello? Anybody in here? Does this thing still work?

I haven't been around to check in on this place in a while...everything still seems to be in working ord...ah shit I left the water running...the landlady is gonna be PISSED.

Oh well, while I'm here I might as well do a fact of the day (so much for one every day of the offseason eh Cody?)

Anyway, I know that, like me, a lot of you are Seinfeld fans, and any good Seinfeld fan knows that there is a reference to Superman in every episode of Seinfeld. But do you know where to look? That's where I come in. I've found a website that will tell you just how to spot these references, be they vague or obvious.

Astound your friends! Impress party guests! Hook up with that hot chick in the next cubicle! All with your Superman references you learned at WWEh?

Without further adieu...

1. Keep your eye on the refrigerator. Starting with the 56th episode, a Superman magnet is placed on the fridge so that it is visible from all kitchen angles.
2. Check out the stereo rack. A superman statue sits beside the stereo from episode 81 on. The superman statue is visible in most apartment angles.
3. Listen closely for verbal references. Seinfeld uses terms like "Kryptonite," "Lex Luthor," the "Fortress of Solitude" and "The Bizarros." Pay close attention when Seinfeld discusses someone's weaknesses, his enemies, ex-girlfriends' apartments and a naked Lois Lane drawing hobby.
4. Check out the duds. The clothes he wears in the first season are often blue, yellow and red. These are more subtle references to the Man of Steel.
5. Backgrounds can hold clues too. Keep your eyes open for theater marquees with a Superman reference. Though most references are found in the apartment, some are on the street.
6. Conversation is where it's at. Many of the superman references occur when George, Elaine, Kramer and Jerry are talking. There is also talk of Jimmy Olsen, Aquaman, Elastic Man, Plastic Man and, of course, Lois Lane.
7. Visit the web, especially the Seinology website for a complete episode by episode break down of Superman and other comic book hero references. You may be surprised at just how many there are.

(All data acquired here)

Now go out there, and find those references. 10 points to whoever finds the most obscure reference, and can cite the episode title correctly.

#hashtag Thursdays Presents:

2010-08-06T22:42:00.004-04:00

*Now edited to include more funnies!*

*drumroll*

A Special Friday Edition!!!!!

....

What?

Yes, I know it's supposed to be a Thursday thing.

Yes, I know it's Friday.

Well how is it my fault that you assholes didn't start a funny hashtag between last Thursday and now?

Start one myself? So what, I have to do all the work now?

What do you mean all I do is compile other people's tweets and essentially do very little work to begin with?

What do you mean that in reality most of my humour is either nerdy shit that only like, 3 people understand or just profanity-laced toilet humour?

You know what, I don't have to take this shit.

What I mean is that you're gonna fuck off and belittle some other blogger, asswipe.

Yeah, I mean now.

Do you want me to get Rob to come rough you up?

What's that?

Much better attempt at humour you say?

Okay, you can stay, just stay quiet......

AAAaaaaaaaanny way, I digress, let's get right to it: today's #hashtag is #nhlTVshows which, since we are all such creative tweeters, means exactly what you think it does. Hidden meanings are for douchebags and hipsters. So, basically, douchebags.

@DontTradeVinny : "Pardon the Interference"

(Pilot episode was shown to select referees during the playoffs. They were selected based on who was reffing Philly's games)

@DownGoesBrown "Lost: The Toronto Maple Leafs Post-Game Show"

@spork27: "Man vs. Food, starring Kyle Wellwood"

(Spoiler alert: Food wins. Or Man wins, since Kyle loves him some chili. Take it how you like)

@robbenneian: "Red Green, apple banana, presented by Eric Lindros"

(No social commentary here. Except this: Lindros fucking sucks)

@jpiga: "Top Gear - The Dany Heatley Edition"

(I honestly thought about not putting this in, it's not in good taste. But it's also funny, I have no morals, and I hate Heatley, so here it is)

@DontTradeVinny (guy was good today): "Little People Big World:Montreal"

(I started laughing out loud at work upon reading this. Nurse gave me a funny look. I smiled at her. Look faded. Nurses love me)

@rob_perry12: "Everyone Hates Chris...starring Chris Pronger"

(Automatic win?)

@Disastromatic: "The Big Pang Theory"

(I love me some Panger commentary. Only reason I will watch a Blues feed over FSD, if the FSD feed is shitty quality for some reason)

@robbenneian "The Biggest Loser: NHL Draft Lotter Selection Show"

@robbenneian "$250,000 Pyramid: Things the Chicago Blackhawks can do with their 4th line"

@robbenneian "The Sopranos, guest starring Carl Crawford" (okay, this is an MLB one)

@robbenneian "Jone and Kane, plus 18 guys who can't skate"

And since Twitter is being an ass and not letting me look back at others:

@codyhotel: "Off the Record: How Kovalchuk will get a bunch of his money once the new deal is written up"

Yeah, I went there.

Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My!

2010-07-28T22:12:00.003-04:00

Yeah, not just a cute quote from that wretched bitch Dorthy (I've both read and seen the musical of Wicked, ergo I side with the Wicked Witch), they're also each an animal themselves! I know, right? Took me a minute to realize it too. Since I haven't really done shit lately, I present to you today a trio of facts; one for each of those lovely animals that I really wish would've have torn that Kansas
whore to pieces.

- First, the mighty Lion. Not only are they proud, majestic creatures, but they are also going to be subjected to being our token sex fact for today's post. You didn't think that I was gonna skip it did you? How else would I keep my perverted readers happy?

I'm sure we've all heard the expression "Going at it like Rabbits" to refer to a couple who is having lots and lots of sex, all the time. If you haven't, then you're either weird, or you're in the couple being referred to as such and are too busy fucking to hear it. One of those warrants a high five. Protip: it's the second one.

Why do I bring this up? Because I propose a change. You see, when a female Lion is in heat, she will first choose a male, and then the two will undergo a mating bout. A mating bout is just a several day long period, where her and the male do nothing (not even eat) except mate, 20-40 times a day. Then after a few days of this, she will either be pregnant and content, or will move onto the next stud and try again.

Whores.

- Next up, the Tiger. Big cat, has stripes, usually orange/yellow, can be white.

CAN ALSO BE BLUE SAY WHAAAAAAA?????????

Yeah, that's right bitches, a Blue fucking Tiger. Also known as the Maltese Tiger, this is a suspected (observed, but never proven or captured) breed of tiger from the Southern Chinese species of tiger. The first documented sighting was in 1910.

While there has been no definitive proof of their existence thus far, logically it does follow that they should exist. Being a member of the cat family, the tiger does possess the genes that, if expressed properly with the correct mutation, would give off a bluish-grey, or Maltese, color in place of the traditional orange/yellow stripes. There are examples of this in other cats: The Russian Blue prized breed of house cat, or the blue and slate-grey colors of some breeds of Cheetah.

- Lastly, Bears. My dad shot a bear once. It was on our deck, knocking on our back door. He called Conservation, got the okay to kill it, then chased it down with a gun. Stupid bear, teach it to mess with our house......

(Okay, I admit the last one was lazy, but it was still interesting and fun, so fuck off)

So there you go: Lions are whores, Tigers are mutants, and Bears are assholes who get shot. Sorry if I ruined any of those animals for you, I'm sure they have good sides too, I just don't care about them.

Hashtag Thursday #2 Presents...

2010-07-22T00:00:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, Cody promised you all a fact of the day about rainbows. Eff that, rainbows are for sissies. Today, I am proud to present you with...drum roll please...

#changehearttobuttsongs !!!!

The premise is simple, yet can turn out some hilarious results. Take the name of a popular song featuring the word "heart" somewhere in the title. Change heart to butt. Voila. Instant comedy classics. And away we go...

"Total Eclipse of the Butt" (Ryan F)

"Bringin' on the Buttache" (@FightNightatJoe)

"I left my butt in San Fransisco" (@Baroque97)

"You'll be in my butt" (@BabcocksFlyHair)

"Don't go Breaking my Butt" (@mserven)

"Listen to your Butt" (@Mariia19)

"Shape of my Butt" (@codyhotel)

"My Butt has a Mind of it's own" (@mserven)

"Dreaming with a broken butt" (@lizzlefoshizzle)

"Skidmarks on my Butt" (@Lolabythebay)

"Break my little Butt" (@Churchyy04)

"Butt-shaped Box" (@Lolabythebay)

"Keep my in your Butt" (@whoabot)

"Key to my Butt" (@mserven)

"Tortured Tangled Butts" (@codyhotel)

"My Butt will go on" (@robbenneian)

"Put a little love in your Butt" (@whoabot)

As always, anything to add, throw it in the comment section. Thank you from the bottom of my butt to everyone who contributed to this!

Death is a pretty cool guy, eh?

2010-07-20T23:59:00.002-04:00

Firstly, I know I haven't written a fact in a week. I've been busy, I have two jobs, one of which is full-time, I've been apartment hunting, and I've been preparing for a National Teleconference for a pharmacy students' association I'm a member of.

Yeah, when I make excuses, I go big. What's up. Moving on.

As I said, I've been away for awhile, and undoubtedly at least one of you, at some point, thought the though "Is he dead or something?"

With that in mind, let's take a look at some fun and interesting facts about the inevitable: Death.

(Note: If you're going to be a little bitch and be sensitive and not like this one, just fuck off now, come back tomorrow when we talk about rainbows)

- Tardigrades, or Water Bears, are microscopic, water-dwelling animals that essentially, can't die. They are what are known as polyextremophiles, a word which here means that they can survive in several different types of extreme environments. They can survive temperatures as low as -273C (Absolute Zero, the temperature at which entropy is zero, which cannot occur in our universe, is around -273.15C) and as high as 150C. They can also survive extreme levels of radiation, and can go without water for years. Hell, they took a sample up to space, hung it out the window and let them chill out in the vacuum of space for 10 days, then re-examined them to find the fuckers just kept living and breeding like nothing happened. NOTHING ELSE LIVING ON EARTH CAN DO THAT. There is a mission being proposed by the Russian Space Administration to launch some of these dudes at Phobos, a moon of Mars, to try to re-create and study the Panspermia theory of life in the universe.

- Next, a human one, so we all have something to laugh about when we die. If you're a man, that is. Ladies, laugh about this next time a man you know dies. In the right situation, that is. And yes, I know it's a tragic event, and I'm going to hell, but when you're done grieving, this is still pretty funny. I'm sure we have all heard of the term Rigor Mortis, which refers to the fact that after you die, all your muscles lock up and tighten, becoming very stiff and hard. But in some cases, that isn't the only thing that "gets hard", so to speak. When a man dies of head trauma, particularly to the cerebellum, he may experience a post-mortem phenomenon known as the Death Erection, or Angel Lust (I can't make this shit up). When the death is very swift, and causes great pressure on the cerebellum, it can set off a nerve chain that causes Priapism, or an erection that will not return to a flaccid state.

I'm going to take a quick moment before the final fact to point out two things:
1) When still alive, priapism is a very serious medical emergency. If this ever happens to you or someone you know, go to an Emergency Room doctor STAT.
2) Rob's mom occasionally reads this blog, or so he tells me. I assume she is ashamed that he co-authors a blog with such a disgusting individual. Regardless, Hi Rob's Mom!!

Onwards to the last fact

- Another immortal creature to look at, but it is kind of semantics if you want to argue if this one dies or not. Kind of a toss up, you can decide for yourself. Turritopsis nutricula, or the Immortal Jellyfish, is a species of (can you guess?) Jellyfish (if you said bear I'm gonna smack you) that, for the most part, leads a pretty normal life. Gets born, grows, matures sexually, reproduces, gets older, prepares for death. Typical animal life, I assume most of you are probably at the halfway point yourselves. But at that point, where we would progress to Death, they do something a little different. But first, a quick science interlude to explain a topic you need to know:

Cell Differentiation. We've all heard about Stem Cell research, and how it's the wave of the future, it can regrow everything, cure everything, etc. But I know most of the people I know have no idea HOW that happens. Basically, all cells start as Stem Cells. These are a blank template, ready to be turned into any type of cell, based on what kind of signals it gets. Put some into a shitty liver, they'll grow into a new part of a liver. Cut out a cancerous tumor on a lung surgically, then pop a few of these babies in, in theory your lung will grow back. The process in which those stem cells become whatever cell they may be is known as cell differentiation. Now, back to the fact.

As I was saying, the immortal jellyfish, rather than progressing to death, cheats death by undergoing a process called trans-differentiation. This is similar to cell differentiation, except instead of stem cells becoming a heart, or skin, or an eye, this takes already differentiated cells and changes what they are. A very blatant example would be changing an eye into a kidney, but that's a little extreme. The Jellyfish can use this process to transform all of its adult jellyfish cells back into infant polyp cells, starting its life over again. For a human, this is a 90 year old dude turning back into a baby instead of dying. There is no limit as to how many times the jellyfish can do this, making it seemingly immortal. Up until it gets eaten or something, that is.

It is estimate that if a human can do this, they'd probably live to be around 1200, then get hit by a car.

Stupid Jellyfish.

#NHLcupcakes

2010-07-15T12:26:00.006-04:00

One of the cool features of Twitter is the usage of a "hashtags". This is when someone makes a post, followed by a hashmark and a short phrase indicating the subject of the post. When you do this, you can click on this "hashtag" to see what anyone else in the Twitterverse is saying about this topic.

In practice, it would looks like this:

robbenneian Thinks hockey is the greatest sport ever #hockey.

Fellow Twits could click on the '#hockey' section of the Tweet and see what anyone else in the world is saying about hockey at a given time.

This morning, a hashtag sprung up called #NHLcupcakes. And with that, I present to you a sampling of the sillyness that transpired this morning. This is certainly not an exhaustive list and if I missed your tweet, or you came up with one after the fact that you want me to include, please add it to the comment section.

Without further adieu, I present you.... #NHLcupcakes!!

The Phoenix Coyotes Cup Cake: Everyone owns it, no one is biting. (JJfromKansas)

The St. Louis Blues Cake: Sorry, no Cup. (@JJfromKansas)

The Larry Murphy Cup Cake: Mostly made up of alcohol, goofy-looking and is usually wasted. (@FightNightatJoe)

The Mike Green Cup Cake: Labeled as a cup cake but it's actually an apple turnover (@mserven)

The LA Kings Cup Cake: Fans love it, but don't understand how the icing works (@DownGoesBrown)

The Nick Lidstrom: Nearing the end of it's shelf life, but still the best out there. (@SnipeDangle)

The Patrick Marleau Upcake. (Take a second to think about this one) (@JJfromKansas)

The Pierre McGuire Cup Cake: Has personal space issues and nothing on top. Come to think of it, there's nothing in the middle either. (@SnipeDangle)

The Evgeni Nabokov Cup Cake: No longer available in North America. (@JJfromKansas)

The Pavel Datsyuk Cup Cake: Too shifty for you to ever take a bite out of it, and the contents of your pockets go missing afterwards. (@SnipeDangle)

The Eric Lindros Cup Cake: Luckily, just barely avoided being sold with the vegetables. (@JJfromKansas)

The Rick DiPietro Cup Cake: Crumbles immediately after you buy it. (@JJfromKansas)

The NHL Cup Cake: Everyone hates the baker, the rules and the prices are arbitrary, but maddeningly addictive anyway. (@SnipeDangle)

The Jiri Hudler Cup Cake: Must be licked on it's back before being eaten. (@SnipeDangle)

The Tomas Holmstrom Cup Cake: Give it as many licks as you want, it's not budging (@JJfromKansas)

The Dale Tallon Salary Cap Cake Special: Haphazardly built and turns out disastrously. (@JJfromKansas)

The Patrick Kane Cup Cake: Costs only twenty cents, but you don't get any change back. (@HelmStNightmare)

The Eklund Cup Cake: Convinces you you're eating a cup cake; later you find out it was actually a urinal cake (@blogesalming)

The Chicago Cup Cake: Now can be found in Atlanta bakeries. (@HelmStNightmare)

The Mike Babcock: The top is perfectly styled. (@SnipeDangle)

The Dion Phaneuf Cup Cake: Half eaten and originally belong to Sean Avery (@Lolabythebay)

The Claude Lemieux: Tastes like turtle (@SnipeDangle)

The Glen Sather Cup Cake: Retails for $1, you end up paying $5. (@blogesalming)

The Jonathan Toews Cup Cake: Plain, vanilla, no frosting or toppings of any kind. You call it serious, I call it boring... (@HelmStNightmare)

The Ted Leonsis Cup Cake: Our cupcake recipe is specially designed only for the first part of the year, not much good after that (@JJfromKansas)

The Blackhawks CAP Cake: Had a bunch of good ingredients, but now can be found in various other cup cakes. (@HelmStNightmare)

The Mike Milbury Cup Cake: Whale blubber and hot air. Not convinced the frosting on top is real either (@JJfromKansas)

The Ray Bourque Cup Cake: Comes with a clause that after you own it for a year, you must hang a banner in your rafters dedicated to it. (@HelmStNightmare)

The Mike Cammalleri Cup Cake: Actually made of shortbread @JJfromKansas)

The Alexi Yashin CAP Cake: Still being eaten by the New York Islanders. (@HelmStNightmare)

The Jeff Carter Cup Cake: Can't be trusted around Ho-Hos. (@JJfromKansas)

The Jeremy Roenick Cup Cake: Missing the Cup, filled with tears. (@HelmStNightmare)

The Marc Savard Cup Cake: Spent most of the year thinking it was a pancake
(@JJfromKansas)

The Brad Stuart Cup Cake: One bite is phenomenal, the next is excruciating. (@codyhotel)

The Todd Bertuzzi Cup Cake: You'll be hooked! (Kohei Nakamura of The Group)

The Mike Illitch Cup Cake: It costs $5 and it's Hot and Ready! (Jenna Shepherd of The Group)

The Derek Meech Cup Cake: Can serve as both a cake and a muffin, but honestly you'd rather have something else in either place. (@FightNightatJoe)

The Patrick Roy Cup Cake: One of the best cup cakes of all time, but has been prone to melting down. (@FightNightatJoe)

The Cristobal Huet Cup Cake: You paid a lot of money for it, only to leave it in the basement and never eat it. (@FightNightatJoe)

The Henrik Zetterberg Cup Cake: Makes Sidney Crosby cry. (@FightNightatJoe)

The Sidney Crosby Cup Cake: It's a Bettman recipe baked in Mario Lemiuex's oven (@mserven)

Derek Meech > Brett Lebda

2010-07-15T11:54:00.003-04:00

Maple FAIL.

For the last season or two, Derek Meech and Brett Lebda have been virtually inseparable in the Red Wing blogging community. So much so that they eventually became the entity known as Mebdeech. They are similarly built players, with a similar skil set. However, while Lebda often uses his speed to his own disadvantage by botching scoring chances and getting way out of place defensively, Meech plays within himself doesn't really ever provide any "WOW" moments, either good or bad.

When Brett Lebda left for poopier pastures in Toronto and their redonkulous $1.45 million contract, Mebdeech was no more. With that said, let's take a look and see where Meech could end up, why, and what we could get back for him.

Location 1: Chicago
Why: The Blackhawks are going to need to fill their roster out with league minimum contracts if they hope to keep the massive contracts of Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, Marian Hossa, Duncan Keith and Brian Campbell together.
Who we'd get back: Whatever good contracts the Thrashers haven't already taken

Location 2: Vancouver
Why: The Canucks are constantly in search of good solid defenseman so that overpaid goaltender Roberto Luongo won't have to actually make any saves. They tend to fail miserably at this. Therefore, Derek Meech it is.
Who we'd get back: Manny Malholtra? Oh wait, never mind...

Location 3: New York Islanders
Why: They could use a good number 2 defenseman to play alongside Mark Streit.
Who we'd get back: Um...after looking at the roster, we'll take future considerations please.

Location 4: Toronto
Why: They've already spent almost $30 million dollars on their defense, so why not? Also, this would reunite Mebdeech for the mother of all clusterfawks.
Who we'd get back: Brian Burke. I just want to see his face when we explain to him that we use EUROPEANS who play WITH THE PUCK.

Silly Rob...

2010-07-13T23:23:00.002-04:00

...Animal Sex Facts are for qualified scientists to post about.

You're not one.

Then again, neither am I.

I'm closer though.

Moving on. I think you all know where this is going.

The Barnacle. An arthropod in the Cirripedia infraclass of the subphylum Crustacea, the barnacle is an encrusting creature that attaches itself to hard surfaces for life, from which it can extend it's little feet and beat the water rhythmically to attract yummy plankton.

Now, I could tell you some interesting things about barnacles, like how they don't have a true heart (rather, just a little blood-filled sinus that occasionally gets squeezed by skeletal muscle) or how there are parasitic species that inject plant root-like structures called rhizomes (which, coincidentally, are also on plant roots) into host cells, but I don't think I'm gonna do that.

Wanna know why?

Barnacles have huge penises, that's why.

But we'll get to that momentarily. The sex life of a barnacle is very odd, and yours would be too if you were stuck to a rock, unable to move for your entire lifespan. And if you were a hermaphrodite. With a dick and balls behind your head and a vagina on the bottom of your body. And sometimes had to self-fertilize.

Yeah, no complaining about your fucking boy-troubles or acne-problems or shyness around girls assholes, Barnacles have it way fucking worse. You wanna know why barnacles don't just kill themselves? BECAUSE THEY CAN'T FUCKING MOVE.

Anyway.

Oh, yeah, huge penis thing.

As a solution for the problem of immobility, barnacles have developed a penis that can be up to FOURTY FUCKING TIMES THE LENGTH OF THEIR BODY in order to reach a nearby barnacle that is currently acting (remember, hermaphrodite) as a female. This is the equivalent of a 6' tall-guy like myself having a 240' penis, which is 80 yards. That's almost a football field. It would take the fastest man on earth almost 8 seconds to run from one end of my penis to the other.

If a barnacle can't find a "chick" barnacle at the time, it has the ability to self-fertilize. Yeah. With it's giant penis. No wonder they don't need to move. Maybe they wouldn't be suicidal....

So there you have it. By the way, in case you were wondering, Yes, Barnacles do have the largest body size/penis size ratio of all (discovered) animals on earth.

Oh, shit, I think I forgot something:

You're all disgusting human beings for enjoying this, and I love you for it :)

Animal Baby Making

2010-07-12T23:22:00.004-04:00

A wise old man once said "There isn't enough blogging out there about animal fucking".

Okay, the man wasn't actually old. He was 20. And blasted drunk would be a better way to describe him. And he may or may not have actually been me or Cody. Either way, animal fucking, here we go!

Most animals, humans included, make babies by the male inserting his furry little willy into the love envelope of the female. This is called intercourse, or as the kids are calling it these days "hittin' it".

In seahorses, however, things are flipped on their ear. No, not literally. Forget the Family Guy episode. That doesn't actually work. Not that I've tried. Anyways...

There isn't an easy way to say this, so I'll just blurt it out. Okay, ready? Thefemaleseahorseknocksupthemaleseahorse!

Yeah, like the dude gets preggo. Here's how:

The female inserts her oviduct into the male's pouch (quit laughing sickos, this is nature, not a porno).

They do this in short intervals, because they lack the stamina for prolonged insertion. Okay, now you can start laughing.

Pregnancy usually lasts several weeks, and ends in the male doing a gymnastics-like routine wherein the baby seahorses are exploded from the pouch.

Males are then ready to breed again within hours of the birth giving process. Next time your wife tries to tell you that she can't make love because she just gave birth minutes before and is still in the hospital with doctors standing right beside her, tell her to man up, because a seahorse would.

And that's the nature of things!

Swear in other languages Saturday #2

2010-07-12T22:43:00.003-04:00

Welcome everyone, to the SECOND edition of what I hope is one of your new favorite features here at WWEh?:

SWEARING IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES SATURDAY!!!!!

This week we have a very special French (I know, I shuddered and held back the urge to vomit as well) edition, written by the second best looking man in all of this blog, Rob Benneian himself! Apparently the guy is bilingual., and the two 'linguals' (a word that refers to the tongue, essentially) are English and French, not English and analingus as I previously suspected.

(I'm totally gonna pay for that last one, don't think Rob will enjoy this. Whatever, if he can't take a joke, fuck him)

Without further and (somewhat) groundless french-bashing adieu, I present to you your phrases for this week:

From French: Zut! means Dammit!
Example: "Zut! Bert just took an offensive zone holding penalty!"

From French: Tu manges la merde means you eat shit.
Example: "Hey (insert Blackhawk player here) tu manges la merde!"

From French: Va te faire feutre means Go fuck yourself.
Example: "No goal?! Brad Watson, va te faire feutre!"

From French: Tabernac! means either FUCK! or GODDAMIT!
Example: We resigned Meech? TABERNAC!

There you have it, now when the season rolls around and you're "hopping" mad at a game's result, you can through some curses at your TV en francais. Study hard everyone, the test is in October.

(Yes, hopping was a frog joke. I never said I was a good person)

Andreas wants to test Free Agency? Fine we'll get our own Lilja!

2010-07-12T15:54:00.002-04:00

Reports surfaced earlier today that the Wings have resigned RFA D Sergei Kolosov. Kolosov plays a similar game to Lilja, so let's see who is more valuable in the long run:

Name:
Andreas Lilja
Sergei Kolosov

We'll give this one to Sergei for nostalgia's sake. Fedorov FTW

Height:
Lilja: 6'3"
Sergei: 6'4"

Kolosov takes it by a hair

Tipping the scales at...
Lilja: 230 lbs
Kolosov: 217

Lilja takes the edge here

Times played in the Olympics:
Lilja: 0. Ha.
Kolosov: 1. Although, I could probably play for Belarus.

Described as:
Kolosov: A poor man's Andreas Lilja
Lilja: So far this free agency period, a poor man, Andreas Lilja

Sometimes Red Wing fans want to:
Lilja: Strangle him
Kolosov: Ask who the hell is that guy?

Sea Turtles!

2010-07-11T23:00:00.002-04:00

Sea turtles are fascinating, and old as FUCK creatures, and we're going to talk about them today!

(I've been staring at a blank screen for almost an hour trying to think of a topic, so no witty banter tonight, I just want this one done.)

- Sea Turtles don't need to breathe! Well, not always at least. One might think that, being a creature that has spent thousands and thousands and millions of years of years in the water, the damn things would evolve themselves a few gills. But no, the stubborn bastards took a different route. You see, they breathe through their mouths and into their lungs just like a human, but when they are away from the surface for a long time, such as a deep, deep dive, they have the ability to undergo anaerobic respiration, a fun science word that means they can create energy from sugars without using oxygen.

- Another fun evolutionary development of the Sea Turtle: since their diet is so high in very salty organisms they have developed a special salt-secreting organ/gland (insert ejaculation joke here) to keep their sodium and chloride levels under control.

- Turtle shells make some of the hardest and easiest to grip guitar picks in the world. I've been told, they're kind of illegal. If we have any faithful fans that live in a country where they aren't, feel free to send me some.

- An elder Sea Turtle can navigate like a mother fucker (that is, quite exceptionally, for those of you not as well versed in kids' slang these days [damn teenagers]). They can actually exploit the Earth's magnetic field as a map to guide them in their cross-oceanic migrations. Once they get close to their goal, they can use landmarks such as nesting sites, sandbars, and even feeding areas to come to the conclusion of their 10,000 mile journey.

- Sea turtles will lay over 200 eggs in a single nest that they dig in the sand, before carefully filling the nest back in and shifting the sand to make the site visually unnoticeable. Why so many eggs? Unfortunately <1% of the hatched baby turtles will make it to sea, as many opportunistic predators feast on the newly hatched children.

- And just to not end on a morbid note, Sea Turtle penis soaked in rum or other booze is considered to be a very powerful aphrodisiac. If you drink enough. And get hammered. And act like a whore anyway, even without the penis. Idiots.

Swearing in Different Languages Saturday!!!!!

2010-07-11T00:13:00.002-04:00

Oh, you don't even know you guys, you don't even know.

How to swear in other languages, that is. I assume. That's why I'm here (with some help from some wonderful people) to teach you. Without further adieu wherein I'll make a series of lame jokes that you will facepalm and chuckle at, I present to you the first set of foreign swears of this new weekly segment.

(This one might stick after the season starts, since I am guessing you all swear at the TV as much as I do when watching games, and are a little tired of using the f-bomb)

FYI, at least one in each set of swears will be hockey related in some way.

BEGIN!

From Norwegian: Faen i helvetes fittedommer means (Fucking/Damn) (pussy/cunt) Referee

Example: Brad Watson is a faen i helvetes fittedommer
Example #2: Dan O'Halleran is a faen i helvetes fittedommer
Example #3: Rob and Cody are excellent referees, and would never be considered faen i helvetes fittedommers

From Finnish: Jumala perkele voi vittu means God Damn Pussy

Example: Sidney Crosby is a Jumala perkele voi vittu
Example #2: Sidney Crosby, on second though, is a fucking GIGANTIC Jumala perkele voi vittu

From Yiddish (That's what Jewish people speak, btw): Kish mein touchess means Kiss my ass

Example: Hey, Rob, kish mein touchess

From German: Deine Mutter ist eine Hure means your mother is a whore

Example: Hey, Rob, deine mutter ist NOT eine hure, she's a nice lady.
Example #2: Just kidding, she's totally eine hure.

Finally, from Russian (I expect either Becky or Zach to correct me here, if I'm wrong and they happen to read this): Пошел на хуй, что мое or phonetically Poshel na huĭ, chto moe means Fuck you, that's mine

Example: Datsyuk says "Poshel na huĭ, chto moe" as he takes the puck from Mike Grier
Examples #2-∞: Datsyuk says "Poshel na huĭ, chto moe" as he takes the puck from (insert any player name here)

There you have it. Tune in next week for things like Icelandic, Gaelic, and possibly Korean!

Ice Cream FOTD

2010-07-10T00:23:00.003-04:00

Hello all, Rob here again.

Cody is in a booze-addled stupor at the moment (EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm slightly buzzed, I made this idiot believe otherwise because I was too lazy to research a fact). For those of you who follow him on twitter, you know this already. For those of you who don't...he's a lush. What can I say, you don't choose the ones you love...

Ahem. Anyway. Ice cream.

Anyone hear know why Ice Cream is called such? No? Jeez you guys are dumb. Hey wait, come back, I'll be nice, I promise.

See, the Chinese, those crafty bastards, are believed to have invented ice cream in 2000 BTYNH (this stands for Before the Year Nothing Happened, Cody and I believe in Science). This happened when they mixed milk, rice (insert stereotypical racist joke here) and snow. Yeah. Like real snow. Thus the "ice" part. Cuz it was like actually made from snow.

How do you prefer to eat your ice cream? I take mine in a bowl because I'm messy as all hell. You prefer yours in a cone, you say? Not if you lived in the 19th Century you didn't! In fact, the ice cream cone was patented by Italo Marchiony in 1903.

The United States of America is the ice cream capital of the world, producing and consuming more ice cream per capita than anywhere else. They are also the most obese nation. No connection, I'm sure.

More ice cream is sold on Sundays than any other day of the week. This is the real reason for why people experience the "Mondays". It's actually just a mega brain freeze.

Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? No. No one does. Don't be a dumbass. However, ice cream cones take approximately 50 licks to finish.

(EDITOR'S SECOND NOTE: I totally counted once, 214. It was a brown one, not sure if that makes a difference.)

One out of every five ice cream eaters share their ice cream with either a dog or a cat. I shared mine with two cats tonight, so I'm screwing up the percentages for the rest of you. I'm sorry.

(EDITOR'S THIRD NOTE: Asshole)

Finally, July is National Ice Cream Month, and the second Sunday of this month is National Ice Cream Day. So, eat as much ice cream as possible this month, and especially two days from now, because WWEh? said so. And when have we steered you wrong before? ...Oh ya, all the animal sex stuff. Well..yeah. (EDITOR'S FOURTH NOTE: Animal sex facts are totally valid and extremely useful in day to day life, I have no idea what you're trying to say here Rob)

(EDITOR'S FIFTH NOTE: By the way, for those of you who haven't caught on yet, I, Cody, am the editor throughout this post. I hope you have caught on, otherwise I am very worried)

Cedar Point Facts

2010-07-07T18:49:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, I went to one of my favourite non-sports related venues in the world: Cedar Point. Yes, it was absolutely scorchingly hot. No, I don't know what I was thinking. Anyways, I thought I'd take some of the load off of Cody and fill in today with some Cedar Point Fun Facts!

-Cedar Point has over 40 rides. Nearly all of them feature "straight down droppy things". I learned this from my girlfriend, who after experiencing Millenium Force, refused to go on anymore with such a feature.

-On that note, Millenium Force is taller than the Statue of Liberty.

-If you have your hand squeezed consistently in a vice-like manner, for approximately 2 minutes or say, the duration of your average roller coaster, you don't regain feeling in said hand very quickly

-Spencer, a valued member of The Group (@Jardine77) works at Cedar Point.

-Cedar Point features the highest ratio of fat girls in tube tops to regularly dressed people in North America. Fact.

-Back tattoos do not look good when adorned with stretch marks. This goes for guys and girls. Not necessarily a strictly Cedar Point related fact, just a general tip.

The SCIENCE of Appetite

2010-07-06T23:15:00.002-04:00

Thanks to the wonderful Andy (@FightNightatJoe) of Fight Night at the Joe fame, who also happens to be one of our six readers, I am going to very quickly teach you about the SCIENCE of Appetite and food signals.

(Andy, the 5 digit range you gave corresponded to pages 666-671 of my 818 page Medical Physiology textbook, from which I chose this topic. Way to go.)

(Everyone else, follow me on twitter @codyhotel if you want a chance to have little influence on the random crap I write about!)

WARNING: This is about to get very nerdy, and wordy, but less rhyme-y than those last two things, I hope.

Everything starts with two hormones in the stomach: Ghrelin and PYY3-36. Ghrelin is known colloquially as the 'hunger hormone' as it is a potent appetite stimulator. Ghrelin essentially is released when your stomach has been empty and wants to fill again, it is the "pre-meal" hormone. Conversely, PYY3-36 is the hormone of fullness, and is an appetite suppressor that is released by your small intestine after a meal as digestion starts.

Appetite suppression after a meal is also enacted by a fat-based pathway. As you eat, your body absorbs, among other things, glucose as energy from your food. Glucose absorption triggers the release of insulin, a blood glucose regulating hormone. Insulin in turn positively increases Body Fat stores, which then increases the amount of the hormone Leptin. Leptin eventually supresses appetite, through a pathway we will discuss later.

By later, I mean now. Ghrelin, PYY3-36, and Leptin all suppress and enhance appetite through a neuronal pathway in the hypothalamus (in your BRRRAAAAINNNSSSSSSSSSSS [/zombie]). And by a pathway, I mean two twin pathways.

Pathway #1:
- NPY-Secreting neurons are stimulated to release Neuropeptide Y by the hormone Ghrelin. This release is also inhibited by Leptin, Insulin, and PYY3-36
- Neuropeptide Y stimulates neurons in the LHA, or Lateral Hypothalamic Area, to release Orexins, which are a group of neuropeptides that affect appetite-enhancing pathways and metabolism and ultimately make you hungry
- Neuropeptide Y also inhibits PVN Neurons, which I will discuss in the second pathway

Pathway #2
- Pro-opiomelancortin (POMC) Secreting neurons are stimulated by Leptin to release Melanocortins, mainly the hormone alpha-melanocyte-stimulating hormone
- Melanocortins stimulate PVN, or Paraventricular Hypothalamic Nucleus, neurons to release corticotropin-releasing hormone, which affects appetite-suppressing pathways to make you NOT hungry.
- Melanocortins also inhibit LHA neurons
- PVN Neurons also have an effect on the Nucleus Tractus Solitarius, which is the satiety centre of the brain stem that signals a feeling of fullness. The NTC also acts on signals released from the digestive tract, such as Cholecystokinin from the duodenum

So there you go, eating will stimulate the suppression pathway and inhibit the enhancing pathway, and vice-versa with not eating.

Now, if just one of you, at ANY point in your life, goes up to your wife and says "There are no Paraventricular Hypothalamic Nucleus Neurons acting on my Nucleus Tractus Solitarius right now, go make me a sammich" it will mark the greatest achievement of my life thus far.

Yeah, I don't get out much....

The Red Wings Family Lost a Legend

2010-07-05T23:47:00.002-04:00

I'm gonna make this short and to the point.

Bob Probert is a legend in the state of Michigan, and in the hockey community in general. He will rank among the all time greatest fighters to play the game, and unlike many of today's version of hockey pugilists, he could actually play the game as well.

Was he perfect? Hell no. There are police precincts all over North America that could give you plenty of reason not to look up to him as a role model. But when he laced up the skates in the red and white, none of that mattered. He was there to do a job, and he did it well. Without him, would Yzerman have had as much success? No way.

Probie is from my hometown of Windsor, Ontario, Canada. We've churned out a few NHLers in our day, including Joel Quenneville and Ed Jovanovski, but Probert, bar none, has had the most loyal following. If he had ever gotten his life straightened out, he could have been one of the most complete hockey players of his era.

He is going to be dearly missed in the hockey community.

Rest in peace,

Robert A. Probert, 1965-2010

Yeah, there was nothing yesterday, I know....

2010-07-04T23:25:00.002-04:00

...and I apologize. Usually I stockpile a bunch of facts and things over the weekend then during the next seven days just throw posts together using those facts in about 10-15 minutes. Unfortunately this past week life got in the way, I didn't have time to do enough research, and I ran one short.

I also fell asleep watching TV last night so I didn't have time to research a quick one. Ask Rob, he woke me up by texting me about where the fact was.

Anyway, it appears that the same thing has happened this weekend, so I'm going to warn you all ahead of time that though I will try my best, I may not be able to deliver one a day over this next week.

But then again, this is supposed to be a hockey blog, so I don't see why any of you six readers would even complain.

Moving onto Today's topic: ALCOHOL!!!!

I know that you're all very upstanding citizens, and would never do something like drink until you black out, but I assume that after a season like the last one, surely we've all partaken in one or two occasional adult beverages. Well, here are some things you may not know:

- Alcohol in a beverage maxes out at about 95.6% ABV, or 191.2 Proof. This is because at this concentration, ethanol forms an azeotrope with water. This is a fancy chemistry term that basically means it is impossible to remove more water and increase ethanol concentration by distillation. Ethanol boils at 78.4C and water at 100C, but the mixture boils at 78.2C, meaning that you cannot boil off and collect one part. (If the mixture boiled at say, 80.1C then you could boil off and collect the ethanol in a more pure form, that's how distillation works)

- Fermentation also presents an ABV limitation in beverage making. Most strains of yeast cannot survive in environments with alcohol levels above ~18%, which makes this the maximum for distilled and fermented beers and wines. However, scientists have managed to create, through genetic engineering and selective breeding, strains of yeast that can tolerate alcohol levels up to 25% that are starting to be used in fermentation.

- Since I'm on a percentage roll tonight: Drunk driving laws exist in (almost?) all first world countries, and generally range between 0-0.08% BAC. There are even exceptions within countries themselves: for example in Canada its 0.08%, but you get a 24-hour driving suspension over 0.05%, and its zero tolerance if you're under 18 or have less than 3 years of driving experience, or driving on certain roads. Also on the percentage kick: the LD50 (lethal dose in 50% of people) of alcohol is a BAC of 0.45%, and the LD99 is 0.55%

- Yes, the rumours are true, take it from a semi-trained health-professional-ish guy: Drinking is good for your heart! Studies have shown that having one drink a day, three or more times a week, you can decrease your risk of a heart attack by up to 30-40%!! Just don't overdo it though: getting drunk even once a month can severely negate all of those good effects and actually INCREASE your overall heart attack risk. Also, having two or more drinks a day can increase your risk of alcohol associated cancers: ethanol (CH3-CH2-OH) is broken down by the enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase and coenzyme nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide into acetylaldehyde (CH3-CHO), a known carcinogen in high concentrations over time

- Booze has been around a long time. In northern China, archaeologists have unearthed pottery jars over 9,000 years old that have chemical traces of an alcoholic beverage fermented with different fruits and honey sweeteners. Also, ancient Mesopotamian art has depicted peoples consuming what appears to be beer from large pots.

So, in the spirit (see what I did there?) of good health, I'm going to go have a nightcap and hit the hay.

Prehistoric Sex Facts!

2010-07-03T00:03:00.002-04:00

I think my favorite part of the offseason so far has been finding a place to be the disgusting perverted nerdy freak that I am and get responses of not ridicule but admiration. I love you guys.

(I may have been drinking tonight. Just a bit. But I still love you guys)

And, that being said: DINOSAUR SEX TIEM!!!! (and other prehistoric creatures)

(time was intentionally misspelled as TIEM, it's an inside joke for The Group. I haven't drank that much)

- Much akin to all you filthy teenagers (Fuck I love being 20, cursing teenagers never gets old), Dinosaurs also are believed to be practicers of Teen Sex. Much akin to rings of a tree, bones also grow in timewise rings, and upon examination these rings can be very telling of a creatures life. Recent research has shown that, based on the female hip bones of a dino, it seems that they progress into an egg-laying-friendly stage very quickly in life, very similar to a period of human adolescence and puberty. This prime stage of life-giving-life would have been optimized greatly in a primitive species whose only goal was to procreate, and therefor it can be assumed that these were premier times of reproduction for a dinosaur. Hence, Dinosaurs have, essentially, teen sex.

- Sex as we know it was 'invented' so to speak ~380 Million years ago by the Placoderm species. Placoderms are early jawed vertebrates (making them our ancestors) similar to what a shark would look like with the exoskeletal-shell of a spiny crab. The oldest evidence of internal fertilization (sperm and egg combine inside the female, unlike most fish even nowaday) that we currently have is a group of embryos inside of a placoderm fossil. It is also believed that a malformation of the adult-female pelvic fin of these placoderms was used by the male to mount the female during copulation

- Scientists have only been able to tell the sex of dinosaurs for about 5 years, after a very clever finding of a bird-like structure. And by very clever, I mean a complete fluke. Upon unearthing a new T-Rex skeleton in Montana, a thighbone had to be removed by helicopter from the site. The problem: The bone was too large and had to be split in half. Once the bone had been removed to a lab and examined, it was discovered that much like a bird, this bone had a cavity in the middle. And withing this cavity: a medullary bone. A Medullary bone is used as a calcium sink by a bird, and when they are ready to lay eggs, they can call upon this reserve of calcium to construct a shell. Applying this knowledge to the dinosaur, it was apparently that the newly found specimen was a female, and thus, dinosaur sex as we know it could be explored so much more.

Apparently we don't really know much about these topics, as this was all the interesting stuff I could muster up. Dicks and Balls and Vaginas don't fossilize well I guess. Go figure.

I would like to end by pointing out that Google'ing "prehistoric animal sex" with SafeSearch turned off was one of the scariest moments I've had in some time, and you all BETTER FUCKING APPRECIATE IT.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!

2010-07-02T00:13:00.002-04:00

HAPPY CANADA DAY FROM ALL (two) OF US HERE AT WWEh?, YOUR SEVENTH FAVOURITE CANADIAN WINGS BLOG!!

(We hope to break the top 4 by next year by instituting either Porno Tuesdays or Swearing in other Lagnuages Saturdays. I'm being told by my morals that we won't be doing either)

In the spirit of the day, I present to you a list of fun and strange facts about the greatest country on earth, at least in terms of hockey (gold bitches), Canada.

- The narrowest house in North America is 6 Donnacona Street in Quebec City, Que. It is only 3.7 m wide.

- The lightbulb was ACTUALLY invented by two Canadians: Henry Woodward and Matthew Evans. They later sold the patent to Thomas Edison. Other Canadian inventions include, amongst others: The Robertson screw, Basketball, Painting Lines on Roads, the Pie-In-The-Face comedy routine, and the Zipper.

- Despite being the second largest country in the world, Canada also has the lowest population density, averaging just 3 people per square kilometer (about 7.5 people per square mile) This is mainly due to the fact that >80% of Canada's population lives within 100 miles of the US/CAN border (which is also the longest border in the world)

- 1 out of every 5 songs on the radio in Canada, by Law, must be performed or written by a Canadian.

- Mountain Dew has no caffeine in Canada, as it is illegal for a non-dark soda to contain such an ingredient.

- Since it is often a question of controversy by non-Canadians (and even more Canadians, its a fucked up law), The Age of Consent in Canada is 16 years old. There are two exceptions to this law: the first is that a 14 year old may engage in sexual intercourse with a partner who is no more that 4 years older as long as they are not a dependent of said older person, and the second is that a 12 year old may engage in sexual intercourse with a partner who is no more than 2 years older. Yeah, confusing, I know. And this was AFTER they re-wrote the law 2 years ago to make it easier to understand and enact.

There you go, some fun and interesting things, a little gloaty so I like it, one sex thing so all of our perverted readers like it, everybody wins.

Oh, and I think there was some other thing far less important going on today too. Can't really remember though.

Getting to know the new Wings Part 2

2010-06-30T20:54:00.004-04:00

Now, I present to you an in-depth look at our 4th and 5th round picks, Teemu Pulkkinen and Petr Mrazek.

A year ago at this time, the debate was about which of two players would go first overall in the 2010 NHL Entry Draft. One, Taylor Hall, stayed in the running all year long and eventually was drafted first overall by the Edmonton Oilers. The other was not Tyler Seguin, the now famous second half of the Taylor/Tyler debate. Who was this mystery player? None other than one of the newest Red Wings, Teemu Pulkkinen of Vantaa, Finland, the same hometown as the Filppula brothers.

Pulkkinen was one of the top offensive talents in this years draft class, and the Red Wings were able to select him with the 111th pick overall, in the late stages of the third round. How did a player with so much promise slip so far? Should we as Red Wing fans be concerned about an apparent lack of interest in our fourth round selection by the other teams in the league? Quite the contrary. We should be grateful that he fell so far.

Many a fan familiar with Pulkkinen’s play were clamoring for the Wings to take him with the 21st pick. They instead chose to go with Riley Sheahan. When their turn came up again in the second round and Pulkkinen was still on the board, it seemed like a great value to select him there. The Wings instead went to neighboring Sweden to take Calle Jarnkrok. When they elected to go with Louis-Marc Aubry in the third round, Red Wings Nation seemed resigned to the fact that we would not be drafting the Finnish dynamo. However, as the Red Wing’s 4th round pick drew nearer and nearer, and he was still available, excitement began to rise again.

I was following the draft live with some other Red Wing fans, and I remember when Columbus selected 6’6″ goaltender Mathieu Corbeil-Theriault at 102, the thought crept back into my mind that we would actually get another chance to draft Pulkkinen. As pick 111 drew near, I was holding my breath as the teams directly ahead of us made their selections. Two other Finnish players went in the handful of picks before the Red Wings selection. When Pittsburgh came up to the podium with the final pick before the Wings and took Tom Kuehnhackl, I was elated. And with that, the Wings added their newest Finn to the lineup.

This pick has me more excited than any of the other 6 we made this past weekend. Pulkkinen has the offensive skills to be an elite caliber player. He is a kind of player that we don’t have in our organization. Flashy. Exuberant. Ovechkin-style celebrations. This guy is right up there with the very top of this draft class in terms of pure offensive firepower. He is a rare right-handed winger who plays his off-wing. His skill set and right-handedness have drawn comparisons to some of the all-time great shooters in Ovechkin, Kovalchuk and fellow Finn and Hall of Famer Jari Kurri.

What is it then, that made him slide over 100 picks from where he was projected to be taken? This past season was a short one for Pulkkinen in terms of games played. Due to three different surgeries for a separated shoulder, a broken wrist and a nagging knee injury, Pulkkinen was only able to suit up for 12 games with Jokerit of the Finnish SM-Liiga this season. The label of being an injury-prone player is one of the most difficult to shake. Any minor injury he sustains will be exaggerated because of his past health issues. If he is to ever rid himself of this belief, he is going to have to string together multiple injury-free seasons. Even then, some may doubt his durability. However, if Pulkkinen can stay on the ice, he has all the tools to be one of the games best offensive talents.

As a 16 year old playing for Jokerit’s B team, he tallied 36 goals and 60 points in 32 games while leading his team to the league championship.

At the 2009 World U18 Championship, Pulkkinen tallied 13 points in 6 games, good for third best in the tournament, in helping Finland to a bronze medal.

The next year, he followed that impressive showing up by bettering his previous totals. In the 2010 edition of the tournament he put up 10 goals and 5 assists in 6 games en route to being named the top forward in the tournament. Finland took home the bronze again that year on the strength of Pulkkinen’s totals.

Pulkkinen is not the best skater around, but it isn’t something that holds him back on the ice. He possesses one of the best shots in the draft and is a very slick stickhandler.

His weakness, if pressed to name one, is in his defensive game. However, as the great Scotty Bowman has proved time and again, you can teach defense. You cannot teach natural offensive gifts. There is perhaps no better organization or system to learn sound defensive mechanics under than the Detroit Red Wings. Coach Mike Babcock demands effort in all three zones from his players and has no trouble sitting players who don’t deliver an honest effort.

Pulkkinen is still under contract with Jokeritt for next season, but he does have a chance to play for Kelowna, in the Western Hockey League of the CHL. You can bet that the Red Wings management are going to push strongly for Pulkkinen to make the jump to North America for a couple of reasons.

First of all, they would be able to monitor his progress more easily in Kelowna than in Finland.

Secondly, Kelowna is one of the top teams in the WHL, making an appearance in the Memorial Cup two years ago after winning the WHL championship. They followed that up with an appearance in the Western Conference Semi-Finals this year.

Also, the WHL is an absolutely rugged league, especially compared to the Finnish SM-Liiga. It would be good for Pulkkinen to get used to the rough and tumble style of play to prove that he can successful in North America.

If Pulkkinen can survive the rigors fo the Canadian junior hockey schedule, our 2010 fourth round pick may have been one of the best selections Hakan Andersson has ever made.

**********************************************************************************

Every year, the Detroit Red Wings go into the draft with the intention of selecting a goaltender. If they don’t find a goalie who is of good value relative to the selection they are making, they will pass and select a skater. They don’t reach, and take goaltenders from off the board, as they may on occasion do with a skater. The Red Wings organization tends to spend less money on the goaltending position than the league average. The top echelon of goalies in the league make in the $6-7 million range, while Detroit spent about $2 million, total, on both their starter and backup this past year.

Since the Red Wings don’t usually pay high-end money for their goalies, it is important to always have a full stable of netminders who are capable of winning games. While Detroit doesn’t necessarily subscribe to the goaltending-by-committee style of play, they do typically ask their backup to play 20-30 games to take some of the pressure off of the starter.

The projected backup this season is Chris Osgood, who is a three-time Stanley Cup champion and is approaching 400 career wins. He is also the statistical leader, or approaching the lead, in virtually all Detroit’s franchise goalie records.

The incumbent starter is Jimmy Howard, a finalist for the Calder Trophy for the league’s best rookie.

From that point on, the Red Wings goaltending depth is murky at best. Daniel Larsson was expected to come into training camp this season and give Osgood a little pressure for the backup spot. The Wings planned on having him start for one more year with Grand Rapids, and then with Osgood’s contract expiring after this season, he would finally ascend to the NHL level as Howard’s full time backup.

That plan disintegrated when Larsson recently announced that he would not be playing for Grand Rapids this year, and instead chose to return home to Sweden to play for HV-71 of the Swedish Elite League. Since Larsson was a Restriced Free Agent, and the Wings chose to give him a qualifying offer, they will maintain his NHL rights. This is similar to the Jiri Hudler situation of a year ago. Should Larsson ever wish to return to the NHL the Wings will get the first opportunity to sign him.

Larsson, who was a second round pick in 2006, left behind only Thomas McCollum in terms of prospects in the net for the Wings. McCollum was the Red Wings first round pick in 2008 and will be the starter in Grand Rapids with Larsson gone. His backup will most likely be Jordan Pearce, the former Notre Dame standout, who the Wings signed a year ago. Though Pearce was a star at Notre Dame, he has struggled at the pro level with both Grand Rapids and the Toledo Walleye of the ECHL. He is a long-term project at best.

The Wings desperately needed to draft a goalie to add some depth to their roster, and when they came up to select in the 5th round, they saw Petr Mrazek, of the Czech Republic as the best value available. They also were considering Maxime Clermont of the Gatineau Olympique, who play in the QMJHL. Clermont went in the 6th round to New Jersey. Mrazek started last year as the backup behind Chris Perugini. He stole that job away during the playoffs and never relinquished it. He was also rewarded for his work during the regular season by being presented with the Dinty Moore trophy for having the best numbers of any rookie goalie in the OHL.

The reason the Wings say they chose Mrazek over Clermont and the other goalies available to them is that they liked his compete level. This is a fancy way of saying that what Mrazek lacks in talent, he makes up for in effort. This is the type of goalie that the Red Wings have built their successful teams with. Chris Osgood is the personification of a goaltender who can outcompete opponents. He may not make all of the saves, or have the best statistics, but he will make the big save that his team needs him to in crunch time. The Red Wings love drafting players like Mrazek who have the intangibles, or skills that cannot be taught.

Mrazek will play again next season with the Ottawa 67s of the OHL. Once he finishes out his junior eligibility, either as a 19 year old or a 20 year old overage player, the Red Wings should get him up to the pro level with either the Griffins or the Walleye. Might we have the next Chris Osgood on our hands? I sure hope so.

EDITORS NOTE: Cody here. I'm lazy, and this is fun and interesting, so consider this Rob covering for your FOSFOTD. I'm totally allowed to do that.

Chinchillas!

2010-06-29T23:04:00.002-04:00

OMGLOOKATHOWFUCKINGCUTEHEIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But let's get serious for a second.

Okay, long enough.

BAAWWWWWW THEY'REJUSTSOGODDAMNCUTEITSFANTASTICANDMAKESMEFEELWARMANDFUZZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In addition to being ridiculously cute, Chinchillas also have two other very prominent features that make them fascinating.

Firstly is their hearing. Chinchillas are often the subject of auditory research for a few reasons. Primarily, their range of hearing is nearly the same as a human's: 20Hz to 30kHz, and in addition to this the size of their cochlea (hearing organ in your ear) is very similar to a human's. The cochlea of a chinchilla is also very easy to access for dissective purposes. On a slightly related note, Chinchillas have also been used for research in Chagas Disease, Pneumonia, and Listeriosis, amongst others.

I am now very sad to bring you the second feature.

Chinchillas are (or were) ridiculously popular in the fur trade due to their absolute absurd softness. Hairs grow from hair follicles. In humans, this is at a ratio of one hair per follicle.

In Chinchillas, this is at a ratio of around 50 hairs per follicle.

Yeah, soft, I know.

I've been living with my Uncle during University for the past two years, and among the stories he has told me, one of which was about how his father used to raise Chinchillas for their fur. Now, I've never seen or touched Chinchilla fur in real life, but as a result of this, he has, and by his account it is so damn soft that if you were to close your eyes and bring your hand down onto a pelt, you would not KNOW when you started to touch it. THAT SOFT.

To be honest, cute or not, THAT SOFT and I'd be willing to kill a couple for a nice pair of gloves. What, its fucking cold in Canada, especially here in Manitoba, I deserve nice gloves.

(If you wish to express your appreciation of WWEh? by buying me a pair of Chinchilla fur gloves, hit me up on twitter @codyhotel and I'll let you know how you can go about doing so)

Getting to know the new Wings Part 1

2010-06-29T00:49:00.002-04:00

What's that? There was a draft last weekend? Why, yes in fact, there was.

Some of the players the Wings drafted include Brendan Smith's drinking buddy, Val and Il's neighbour, and the future Zetterberg.

For now, let's get to know a little more about some of the newest Wings, shall we?

Riley Sheahan, a left handed center from Notre Dame. When the Red Wings turn came up at number 21, their were many players they would have liked to have taken. The Red Wings own Jim Nill said that there were 4-5 guys that they liked at that spot. Normally, in a situation like that, the Red Wings would trade back a handful of spots, so they would be guaranteed to still get one of the players they coveted, while also picking up a later round pick. Instead, they went ahead and selected Riley Sheahan. This alone should tell you what the Red Wings think of this guy. They didn’t want to risk moving back a few spots if it could mean losing the opportunity to take this player.

Sheahan is a 6’2″ 202 pound forward who has drawn comparisons to Rick Nash in terms of skill, playing style, and strength. Rick Nash is about as pure a power forward as there exists in the game of hockey. Not a bad comparison. It just so happens that Nash is Sheahan’s favorite player, and someone he has molded his game after.

Prior to the draft, teams spend hours picking the brains of the kids they plan on drafting. This is done to weed out the players who they believe have the right mindset to play for them. Red flags may be raised during these series of questions, or perceived issues may be resolved. In Sheahan’s case, he had a minor alcohol-related incident earlier this year, that was the result of your average college weekend party. The Wings would have addressed this incident in their interviews with him and deemed it to be something that didn’t concern them at all. In fact, from every report I have heard, Sheahan is a really bright, level-headed young man who seems to get the big picture. He indicated that education was very important to both him and his family, thus his decision to go to Notre Dame, rather than the junior hockey route.

Sheahan scored 6 goals and 17 points in 37 games in his first year with the Fighting Irish. These aren’t outstanding numbers, but there is more to his game than that. Sheahan is also considered to be a phenomenal shutdown center. He spends a lot of time playing against the other lines best players in a defensive capacity. He also spends time on the penalty kill. In addition to these responsibilities, he has also logged time on the point with the powerplay unit. With this wide array of talentsit is no wonder that one NHL scout tabbed him as the most complete player in the draft.

Sheahan has the skill to be a top 6 NHL forward, as well as the grit to be a very effective checking line player. The Wings are very excited to have him in the organization. I look forward to watching him grow as player while he continues at Notre Dame for the next couple of years. Then we will see how he makes the jump to AHL and then eventually to the NHL.

Calle Jarnkrok:

It seems every year Detroit drafts a player not many people have heard of. Someone who got little to no hype leading up to the draft, and who wasn’t very high on many team’s draft boards. Recently, this has included the likes of Adam Almqvist, and Gustav Nyquist. Neither were very highly sought after leading into their respective drafts, but both went on to monster campaigns. Almqvist tore up the Swedish Elite League this year, while Nyquist was a finalist for the Hobey Baker trophy for the top collegiate player.

Calle Jarnkrok could be that player for Detroit this year. Jarnkrok has been excelling at every level he has played for his whole life. Two years ago, he played for the junior team of Brynas, a team located in his hometown of Gavle, Sweden. He helped his team to a league championship, contributing 7 points in 7 playoff games.

That year, he played for Sweden at the World U18 Championships. He led his team in assists in the tournament with 7 and was a +5 on a team that disappointingly finished out of the medals.

Last year, he made the jump from Brynas’ Junior team to the big club. In 33 regular season games with Brynas, he contributed 4 goals and 6 assists for 10 points. In 19 games with Brynas U20 team, he ratcheted his notched 11 goals, 20 assists and 31 points.

The knock on Jarnkrok is that he is small – really small. He stands 5’11″ and weighs just under 160 pounds. While that may be troublesome, it is not as bad as one might think at first blush. Remember, Henrik Zetterberg was a similar size playing in the Swedish ranks before coming over to Detroit. Ironically, Jarnkrok lists Zetterberg as his favorite player and the Red Wings as his favorite team.

As you can tell from his statistics, Jarnkrok is a pass first player. He has drawn comparisons to Marc Savard for his ability to set up his teammates. However, both Pavel Datsyuk and Zetterberg were hesitant to shoot in their early stages as Red Wing prospects as well, and they have been able to shake that tendency.

Jarnkrok should continue to play in Sweden for the next few seasons. He is in a very good situation over there, because he will be playing against grown men and will have a chance to become a dominant player over there before making the jump to North America. Jarnkrok will turn 19 later this year, so you can look for him in this years U20 World Championships, where he should play a prominent role for Sweden. I expect him to become one of the top players in the Swedish Elite League over the next two seasons, and then report to Grand Rapids for a year of duty. At that point, he may very well be ready to assume a role as a scoring line player with the Red Wings. Keep your eye on this kid because his stock is only going to continue to rise.

Louis-Marc Aubry:

Detroit continued their run on forwards with their third straight selection of a center to start the draft. This time, they came back across the Atlantic from Sweden to the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League to take Louis-Marc Aubry.

Aubry recently completed his second season with Montreal, one of the weaker teams in the QMJHL. Montreal recorded only 69 points in 68 regular season games, but since only two teams miss the playoffs in the Q, Montreal did qualify for the post-season. They were eliminated in the first round by Gatineau by a score of 4 games to 3.

Aubry increased both his assist and goal totals this season from his rookie season with Montreal. He excels on the powerplay, as 13 of his 25 goals scored with Montreal came with the man advantage. Aubry is a very tall kid – he is listed at 6’4″ on the QMJHL website. He was towering over the Red Wings representatives at the draft. However, he will have to fill out his frame to maximize his effectiveness. When a player is that tall, you want them to be playing to a weight somewhere north of 215 pounds, but Aubry is checking in somewhere just below 200.

Aside from his obvious natural physical gifts, Aubry is a very good skater. Like Riley Sheahan, he has drawn praises for his two-way game up the middle, and despite his minus rating so far in the two years with Montreal, he has drawn comparisons to Selke trophy nominee Jordan Staal.

He shares another similarity with Sheahan in that the consensus seems to be that he is a bright young man who won’t bring any headaches to the organization. He was named the Scholastic Player of the Month in October, 2008. He was also invited to the CHL Top Prospects Game this past season, and notched an empty-net goal.

This is a player whose progress will be difficult to assess while he finishes out his junior hockey career with Montreal. Would it be nice for him to really start to rack up the points? Yes. Will he? Most likely not. He was 5’10″ less than two years ago when he was drafted by Montreal. Since then, he has grown half a foot and is not used to how to use his body effectively yet. Once he has a chance to mature physically, he could be an imposing specimen. This kid’s best days are years down the road. Right now, he is an 18 year old trying to adjust to his new dimensions. In 5-6 years, he could be an elite shutdown center. The beauty of the Red Wings organization is that they have the depth, talent and patience to take a chance on players like Aubry. He is a project, but one that could turn into a masterpiece.

Stay tuned for the next four picks!

I think Telsa is a pretty cool guy.

2010-06-28T22:57:00.004-04:00

eh falls in love with pigeons and doesn't afraid of anything.

Today we are going to talk about one of the most brilliant men who ever lived, changed the world, then went insane, claimed to invent a death ray, and fall in love with a pigeon.

Yeah, it's a short list I KNOW, but he's at the top of it. At least top 3.

Nikola Tesla was born in 1856 in what is now Croatia. There, he studied electrical engineering before moving to America in 1884, to work for a one Mr. Thomas Edison (yeah, lightbulb dude) before getting screwed over and quitting to work on his own. A list of his accomplishments include:

- Inventing AC power systems and defeating Edison's outdated DC system to revolutionize the way electricity is delivered across the world and help start the Second Industrial Revolution

- You know those cool looking metal columns with the ring on top that go "BANG" and then a huge bolt of electricity comes out of them? It's called a Tesla Coil, he invented it. He also refused to speak at conferences unless one was constantly running and going off throughout his speech, much to the terror of most audience members

- Was the first to patent the idea of a tilting rotor for the purpose of a VTOL (Vertical Take Off and Landing) aircraft

- Invented Radio. Fuck you Marconi.

- Invented the spark plug for the Internal Combustion Engine

- Started to go insane, developed OCD over the number 3

- Claimed to invent a Death Ray that operated off ~60,000,000 Volts and could take down a fleet of 10,000 planes with a single beam

- Was utterly disgusted by obese people

- Was close friends with Mark Twain

- Was very interested in gender equality and the struggle of women towards such a goal. Predicted that in the future that Females would be the dominant gender and that the world would be run by "Queen Bees"

- In his later years, he fell in love with a white pigeon which he claimed visited his window every morning. It was written that his life had meaning as long as the pigeon existed, and as such shortly after the pigeon died, his work stopped. Tesla died soon after of heart failure

So there you have it. The Modern Mad Scientist.

THE KRAKEN IS COMING FOR YOU

2010-06-27T23:45:00.002-04:00

No, we didn't just sign some huge dude that I have nicknamed The Kraken (though that is totally a kickass nickname I'm keeping on the backburner for now), today we're going to look at some fun and interesting facts about the Giant Squid.

- The eye of a giant quid is roughly the size of a basketball

- The Giant Squid is NOT actually the largest squid on average. The largest specimen of squid ever captured is in fact a Giant Squid, but the average size of a Giant is 13m long, which does not quite compete with the 14m of the Colossal Squid found in the Antarctic Ocean. The Colossal also outweights the Giant by over 200kg.

- The only known natural predator of the Giant Squid is the Sperm Whale. Despite depictions of the two creatures locked in epic battle, in reality a single whale would DESTROY a single squid.

- The Giant Squid appears many times in popular culture: attacking the Nautilus in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, as the Watcher in the Water in the Lord of the Rings, fighting James Bond in Dr. No, and inspiring the song The Call of Cthulhu by Metallica

And unfortunately, since I feel like crap right now and have to rest up for work in the morning, that is all I will be able to give you tonight.

What, you want one more?

Wait, you want WHAT?

A Giant Squid sex fact?

You filthy, disgusting perverts. I fucking love you guys for it.

- The Giant Squid reaches sexual maturity after about 3 years of life. Females have a single ovary that can produce up to 11lbs of eggs at a time. Males have a single testicle that produce a mass of spermatophores. Now, you might be asking, "Hey, these things are huge, how does the sperm get into the chick Squid?" Well, it just so happens that the Male has a three-foot long penis that he uses to inject the spermatophores into the bloodstream of the female through one of her arms. Yikes.

There, happy? Creeps.

Exploding Bee Genitals

2010-06-26T23:22:00.004-04:00

Since you sick, sick, disgusting bastards all seem to LOVE weird animal sex facts so much, I present to you yet another interesting intercourse edition of your FOSFOTD.

Today we are going to discuss the very interesting mating ritual of the Honey Bee.

First a brief overview of the different types of bees pertaining to reproduction: You have your Queen Bees, which are diploid (have two of each chromosome) and grow from fertilized eggs, and you have your Drones, which are haploid (one of each chromosome) and grow from unfertilized eggs. All the eggs are laid by the current queen and very few receive fertilization because very few Queens are needed by the colony at a given time.

Young virgin Queens, when ready to procreate, will take a special mating flight away from the colony, and will be followed by a selection of drones looking to get it on. Oh boy, is one of their faces going to be red pretty soon though!

You see, when one of the drones finally gets first-ups with the Queen, after inseminating the sweet young thang his balls proceed to explode and his penis will snap off inside the queen.

Gets laid

Balls explode

Dick comes off.

Yikes.

It's actually a very novel idea if you consider it from an evolutionary standpoint: The purpose of any living thing's life is to create, well, more life. If your dick snaps off inside of a female right after you nail her, you're pretty much assuring that ain't no other dicks are gettin' in to ruin your chances of fatherhood. Bees are actually evolutionary geniuses in that sense.

Except for the whole part where they end up dead with exploded balls and no dick. Not such a bright idea methinks.

So there you go, the marvel of Bee sex. If any of you are trying to have a child with your significant other right now and are having trouble, maybe you should have the man break his dick off inside of the woman, it seems to work for the bees.

(Please, for the love of science do NOT do that. If do happen to want a bee related way to increase your fertility you could try getting your hands on some Royal Jelly since it purportedly increases sperm and egg quality, but I stress purportedly; I haven't read any concrete evidence. That and it's highly allergenic and could be dangerous. Basically do not do ANYTHING bee-related if you want to have a child, just cut back on booze and coffee, exercise a bit more, and talk to your doctor for some suggestions from someone whose main resource isn't Google)

Edit: WWEh, Cody Hotel and most importantly Rob Benneian assume no responsibility for injuries and/or death sustained while attempting bee-sex. Readers assume their own risk. Thank you for your time. -Rob

Red Wings refill the cupboard up front

2010-06-26T18:07:00.002-04:00

The Red Wings came into this draft weekend with a clear plan in mind. Yes, every season they go in with the intention of taking on goalie, and yes they did so this year. But with 5 of their 7 picks, including their first four, the Red Wings loaded up on forwards.

Their other two picks were goaltender Petr Mrazek who plays for Ottawa of the OHL and defenseman Benjamin Marshall out of the Minnesota High School system.

The five forwards taken, in order, were

1-21 Riley Sheahan - C
2-51 Calle Jarnkrok - C
3-81 Louis-Marc Aubry - C
4-111 Teemu Pulkkinen - LW
6-171 Brooks Macek - C/RW

Sheahan, Cody gave you a detailed overview of yesterday. I plan on giving you a more in depth look at the other 6 draft picks individually over the course of the next week. Right now, I just want to give you a quick hits edition of why I like each of the four forwards we took today.

Jarnkrok: Mega skilled, Swedish, lists Z as his favourite player.

Aubry: 6'3", but only 185 pounds. Just by filling out his frame he will become a much better player. Regarded as solid in both ends.

Pulkkinen: Universally regarded as a first-round talent. Not sure how he fell to the fourth round, but I'll take him.

Macek: Made a huge offensive jump from his first year to his second year in the WHL. If he continues to develop his game, we could see him in Grand Rapids with fellow WHLers Ferraro and Coetzee in a year or two. Bonus reason we like him: he's a Winnipeger like Cody.

And with the 21st Overall Selection The Red Wings Select...

2010-06-25T22:51:00.004-04:00

... from the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Riley Sheahan.

There are a few ways to get to know a new player. You can read scouting reports, look at some of his accomplishments, check out his stats and size. Frankly, when you look at a new player obtained through the draft though, I find all of those methods to be complete garbage.

Scouting reports are written completely differently depending on whether or not the scout likes you, or what he wants to showcase to either get you or stop you from being drafted. Accomplishments are usually team achievements and don't necessarily reflect well on a single player, you can have a fantastic team with one piece of shit playing on it. Stats in junior mean jack shit when you get to the NHL; Our own Dan Cleary averaged nearly a point and a half a game in the OHL.

How do I propose we learn about this kid then? Interviews. With him, teammates, coaches, whoever can speak to his strengths when they're in a position where doing so cannot gain them anything. And with that, I present to you a series of excerpts from a pair of interviews from Hockey's Future and FTF. (Which I highly recommend you go read in full, then come back here to discuss) These may not all necessarily be related directly to hockey, but those that aren't speak loads about his character.

First thing that we noticed about you is that you're a Canadian prospect who chose American college over Canadian Juniors. Why did you decide to do that?

The style of college play, we thought, was better for my development in terms of my hockey career. Both my parents are teachers, and that was also part of it. Education is a priority for me. The mixture of school and hockey was something that I really wanted.

We've heard you compared to Rick Nash. Even you have said that you're alot like the forward. Why is this a good comparison, and do you see yourself as a power forward in the NHL?

It's an extreme honor for me to be compared to a player like that. I've looked up to him my whole life and he's been my favorite player for as long as I can remember. I've always tried to model my game after him. Our bodies are very similar in strength and size, and like him I'm not afraid to throw my weight around. He also likes to control the puck down low, and he can score and make the players around him better. Those are all things that I try to do, and it's a real honor to be compared to a guy like Rick Nash.

In your opinion, what is the one aspect of your game that needs the most work?

I need to get the idea in my head that when I have the puck, I have to put it in the back of the net. I have a tendency to second guess myself and I have to work on emphasizing the finishing part. I had alot of chances this year and I created alot of chances but I lacked the ability to finish, so I'll be working on that for next year.

"Well in order to be offensive, you have to get the puck first," Sheahan reasons. "So, defense zone is just as important as offensive zone. Everyone loves scoring goals, but you have to get the puck first."

Sheahan has been on the power play since the very first game of the season, but was recently moved to the point. "I played on the point last year, so I'm pretty comfortable there," Sheahan said. "Wherever coach wants to put me on the power play I'm glad to play."

"Right now I'm struggling winning faceoffs," he said. "I've been talking to the coaches about it. In order to put me out there, they have to be confident that I'm going to win possession. So I have to work on my faceoffs and then be a little more consistent every shift, try to make something happen. At the beginning of the year I was doing alright in the faceoff circle, and now I'm sort of struggling so I'm doing extra faceoffs after practice. Hopefully it will turn around." Sheahan said he is also working on "just trying to get my head on straight and not get big-headed and let this hockey thing make me cocky."

Basically what all of this tells me is that he's a smart, level-headed young kid who knows what he wants and works damn hard to get it. He knows and acknowledges any and all of his weaknesses, and puts in the time to correct and eliminate them. He has confidence, but he's not cocky about his skills. He has a defensive mind and knows the importance of playing all 200 feet. In addition to the Nash comparisons, I've heard him be compared to Jordan Staal as well when playing more of a checking role on the third line as a freshman. I've always liked to think Nash and Mule come from a very similar mold, so I think he might be the next piece in the movement towards guys who can not only be big in front of the net like Homer, but can also move away from it and show some great hands and passing.

Needless to say I'm pretty excited about this guy. Too bad we won't find out if the excitement is proper for about 3 or 4 years.

EDIT: Btw, this counted as the fact of the day, since I'm far too lazy to research two things in one night. Tomorrow's fact will be extra kickass to make up for it, I promise.

FOSFOTD: Dirty sounding Terms

2010-06-24T23:28:00.004-04:00

Not really a fun fact per say, rather I present to you a brief list of dirty sounding terms and their true meanings:

A Tittle: sounds like tittie eh? I know, I chuckled too. In reality, a tittle is a term used to describe any kind of diacritic mark in writing, such as the dot over an "i", or the accent in resumé

Masticate: heh, masturbate. A verb which means "to chew"

Cockchafer: a species of European beetle, commonly referred to as a May Bug.

Eruct: to expel gas from the stomach

Hartree-Fock: a method of determining approximate ground state energy of a quantum many-body system in chemistry and physics

Angina: moderate to severe chest pain due to a lack of oxygen in the heart muscle

Spotted Dick: a pudding of dried fruits served with custard

Usufruct: the legal right to use and derive profit or benefit from property that belongs to another person, as long as the property is not damaged

Futtock: a curved piece of wood that constitutes the bottom of a ship/vessel

Uvula: a part of your soft palate, the thing you can see hanging in your throat.

Have fun with them!

Wings sign KHL defenseman

2010-06-24T21:47:00.008-04:00

Reports are surfacing that the Red Wings have signed or will sign a 22 year old defenseman out of the KHL named Evgeniy Ryasenskiy. Not much is known at this point, but as details become available we'll get them to you. It sounds like he will attend training camp and apparently has expressed a willingness to spend some time with Grand Rapids if need be. He wants to try his game out in the NHL and feels the smaller rinks will suit his physical style of play. The limited information I have been able to dig up on him show that he played for the Russian U20 team in 2007. In 6 games, he had 1 goal, 3 assists and 4 points. That is literally all there is available on the outer ethers of the internet, but hopefully as more information on the signing comes out, we'll know more about the guy.

*Edit*

Thanks to @thenewthomas for alerting me to this one...

Ryasenskiy's 2010 stats: 62 games played, 6 goals, 10 assists, named best defenseman in the EuroHockey Tour

*Second Edit*

I swear to god, Twitter is keeping me in business hahaha. Here is Ryasenskiy's profile with year to year stats. Provided by Dmitry Chesnokov.

*Third Edit*

After a little digging, I discovered that Ryasenskiy was one of 5 Russians sent home by coach Vyacheslav Bykov just before the World Championships in Germany. I remember hearing about this earlier this year, and I think I remember the consensus being that Bykov is out of his mind. Hopefully this kid doesn't have issues between his ears though.

*Fourth Edit*

Dug up a video of Ryasenskiy playing for the Russians. Scores a goal at the beginning of the clip.

Why they shouldn`t have won

2010-06-23T23:29:00.011-04:00

I know all of you have successfully followed my over to my new blogging address at DSN so I don't need to tell you what I've been up to over there.

That is what we writers like to call thinly-veiled sarcasm.

Anywho, Cody has been bringing the funny every night, as promised. I've been working what feels like all day every day, taking a summer course to further my edu-ma-cation and trying to have a social life. I'm also being asked to write four or more original posts per week for DSN. So, I'm a busy guy. Not that that's an excuse. I promise that I still love you guys the mostest.

I really hope you all do come take a look at what's going on at DSN. It is growing rapidly, and we plan on having 20,000 dedicated readers by the start of football season. Thats ~20,000 more readers than Cody and I get here, minus ourselves, plus or minus the square root of pi*.

But like I said, things are happening quickly over there, and I want to share the developments with you all. There may be some exciting news for DSN and myself in the future. Therefore, I'm including a link to the 5 (and counting) posts I have up on that site so far. Feel free to browse them and the other authors at your leisure, leave some comments, but always make sure to make your way back here where it's safe. Except when Cody is on a animal sex rampage. Then, every man for himself.

This is the post I wrote on my predictions for who would win the various awards handed out tonight. I actually predicted surprisingly well, as usually my predictions end in abject failure. However, in the comedic spirit with which WWEh was formed, I want to provide you with reasons for why each of the winners for the trophies should NOT have won.

Vezina winner: Ryan Miller
Reason he shouldn`t have won: His eyes are far too close together to be an effective goaltender.

Hart winner: Henrik Sedin
Reason he shouldn`t have won: No one has proven that it wasn`t Daniel playing the whole time, or that there isn`t a third Sedin who is even better than the other two.

Calder winner: Tyler Myers
Reason he shouldn`t have won: If the rest of the NHL knew that they were allowed to dress Brontosaurus` in the lineup, he would have had better competition. (Assist to TTD Tyler for this one)

Lady Byng winner: Martin St. Louis
Reason he shouldn`t have won: He hasn`t yet filed the paper work to change his name to Martina.

Norris winner: Duncan Keith
Reason he shouldn`t have won: Mike Green had way more points than he did and he also doesn`t have a fauxhawk. Hang on a second, this isn`t the who`s the biggest douchebag award...never mind, carry on.

Jack Adams winner: Dave Tippett
Reason he shouldn`t have won: Really, how can a guy who looks like Droopy Dog motivate a team to play as well as the Coyotes did?

Ted Lindsay winner: Alex Ovechkin
Reason he shouldn't have won: It wasn't Game 7 at home against a heavily overmatched opponent...oh wait...

Selke winner: Pavel Datsyuk
Reason he shouldn`t have won: There isn`t any. However, it is interesting to note that when Tyler Myers went up to accept the Calder trophy, Datsyuk snuck up behind him and stole it and then rifled it over Ryan Miller`s shoulder.

*Oh Yeah, Cody here with your fun fact of the day: The square root of pi doesn't actually exist. Pi is an irrational number, which basically means that it is impossible to express as a fraction (pi over 1 doesn't count smart ass.) Since Pi is infinite, you cannot mathematically determine a number that, when squared, will create such an infinite number since the number itself would therefore be infinite and undefinable as a rational number.

Pi is also a very special type of irrational number, known as a transcendental number, which means it is not a root of a non-constant polynomial equation with rational coefficients. This was proven in 1882 by the Lindemann–Weierstrass theorem, which showed that the problem of "Squaring the Circle" (that is, given a circle, constructing a square with an equal area using only a compass and straightedge) was impossible. As a result of being classified a transcendental number, Pi now followed the accompanying rules, "which implies, among other things, that no finite sequence of algebraic operations on integers (powers, roots, sums, etc.) can be equal to its value."

So there you go, you can't square any irrational numbers to make Pi, can't square any integers to make Pi, Pi has no (true) square root (for now).

Damn, now I want pie. If only it wasn't so late and my Melatonin levels weren't acrophasing (See what I did there?)

Larks and Owls

2010-06-22T23:03:00.002-04:00

You're all hoping for another weird animal sex post after that title eh?

TOO FUCKING BAD.

I don't feel like being a pervert today. Soon though, perhaps.

Today, I feel like being a huge nerd, so we're going to talk about the science of Chronotyping.

I'm sure we've all heard of people being called either a Morning Person (A Lark) or a Night Person (An Owl). Hell, you've probably called someone that yourself, or have been classified as such personally. I was a morning person my whole life, getting up at 5am for ski trips or 6am for Jazz rehearsals was no big deal to me back in high school, but then University came. And with it came me registering for 1oam classes so that I could stay up until 3am and sleep until 8 or 9 everyday. If I went to my first class that is. Over the past two years I have changed my body into an Owl.

What you may not have known though, is that this isn't just what you call a person, its fucking science bitches.

A person's Chronotype, also known as their circadian type or diurnal preference, is a classification of their morningness/eveningness that is scientifically based on their daily body temperature minimum and Melatonin acrophase (peak)/decline levels.

Yeah, I know you don't know what the hell I said, hold on a second, fuck.

Melatonin is a hormone produced by the pineal gland in your brain. It helps to regulate your sleep cycle by causing drowsiness and lowering body temperature. Its production is also light sensitive, more specifically light in the blue spectrum inhibits production (For this reason, goggles that block blue light are commonly used by people with trouble falling asleep). As the night creeps in and the sun goes down, your pineal gland is stimulated by the lack of light to produce more Melatonin, which makes you drowsy (this is called Dim-Light Melatonin Onset, or DLMO). This is also the true reason why being in a dark room at any time makes you feel sleepy. As DLMO progresses and your melatonin levels increase, you fall asleep. This is where the differences in Chronotype start to set in.

In Larks, Melatonin levels peak at a slightly lower level, in the middle of your sleep (at around 4am for a normal person), then drop off very quickly. This creates all the trademark characteristics of a Morning Person:
- The lower peak causes body temperature to stay slightly higher than an owl
- The peak in the middle of your cycle causes you to wake up sooner
- The quick drop off allows you to wake faster and feel less groggy upon doing so

In Owls, Melatonin levels peak much higher, later in the sleep (Around 6am), and then taper off rather than dropping quickly. This creates:
- The higher peak causes a lower body temperature
- The peak later in the cycle, combined with the tapered levels allow you to sleep in much later
- The tapered drop causes Owls to feel much more groggy upon waking if they are awoken by an outside source (Stupid Alarm Clock....)

So there you go, science explains everything. You know what, I'm in a good mood, so here's a bonus fact: In newborns, Melatonin levels are very erratic for the first three months or so before they start to regulate, which is what really causes them to sleep and wake up at whatever random time they please.

Any questions, or suggestions for future facts, please leave in the comments as always (I have a stack of topics but it's good to have lots to choose from)

Now, next time you're with someone who is very tired and can barely stay awake they feel so drowsy, you can be a real smarty-pants and tell them that they're approaching their Melatonin Acrophase.

(By using the above to try to be a smarty-pants you hereby waive all responsibility of WWEh? in the event that you get smacked for being a yuppity smart-ass)

DLMO is kicking in for me, so I wish you all a Good Night! 102 Days to Go!

Icelandic Fact of the Day

2010-06-22T00:51:00.002-04:00

So, I drafted up a fact of the day a few weeks ago in the event Cody should go missing and be unable to fulfill his duties for a day. Today is that day. If anyone happens to know where he is, please tell him we love him and only want him back safe. Anyways, time to make with the funny...

Is he Hall of Fame Worthy?

2010-06-21T11:10:00.002-04:00

It is nearing the time of year where the newest batch of Hall of Fame inductees are selected. If someone asked you what your criteria were for deciding whether or not someone was worthy of induction into the Hockey Hall of Fame, what would you say? You may believe that a player has to be one of the greatest of his generation to be inducted. Players who revitalized the sport, or changed the way the game is played. This could be through pioneering an innovative style of play that became a staple of the league, or through sheer talent that forced the rest of the league to adapt.

Or maybe you’d have a particular benchmark for goals, assists or points that a player must reach in order to be forever enshrined in the Hall? What would that benchmark be for you? 500 goals? 1,000 points? Both are lofty numbers for a player to reach. There are, in fact, only 7 out of 38 non-active players in NHL history to score 500 or more goals who aren’t in the Hall of Fame. Several of these players are only recently retired and could in fact, one day see their names on a Hall of Fame ballot. There are only 15 out of 68 non-active NHLers to reach the 1,000 point milestone who are not yet Hall of Famers.

With all of that being said, a player who practically invented a new position, changed the way offenses set up an attack and subsequently the way defenses countered deserves to be in the Hall of Fame, wouldn’t you say? Add to that, the player also netted 600 goals and 1,200 points in his career, and he should be a virtual lock for the Hall.

Apparently not, if your name is Dino Ciccarelli. During his 19 seasons in the NHL, quite an accomplishment in and of itself, Ciccarelli developed the role of a net front presence, and did so to an outstanding degree. You can still see the effects of Dino’s style of play in today’s NHL with players such as Tomas Holmstrom and Dustin Byfuglien, who are essential to the operation of their team’s offense. Someone who can fill this role as effectively as Ciccarelli did in his career deserve recognition. When you take on the role of net front presence, you must be able to withstand the abuse dished out by opposing defenders and goalies, as well as the occasional friendly fire, in the form of 100 mph slap shots. The fact that he stands only 5’10″ and weighs in at 180 pounds only further speaks to his resolve to out battle his opponents.

Was Dino Ciccarelli an angel on the ice? No, far from it. He would never be considered Lady Byng material. Neither were Scott Stevens or Bobby Clarke. In fact, those two were probably more widely-known for their borderline illegal hits and vicious stick-work, respectively, than for their on-ice skills. Both, however, are Hall of Famers.

Ciccarelli also has a history of off-ice incidents ending in legal issues for him. The Hockey Hall of Fame has taken the stance on previous occasions that to admit someone with a rap sheet such as his would besmirch the good nature of the Hall. This is all well and good, if it were a practice they kept up with any regularity. Several members of the Hall have less than stellar reputations stemming from legal incidents either before or after their induction. Recently, Wayne Gretzky for his illegal sports-betting ring. Borje Salming was suspended by the NHL in 1986-1987 for cocaine usage. A decade later, he would become a member of the Hall of Fame. Guy Lafleur was arrested in 2009 and charged with obstruction of justice, stemming from his son’s sexual assault case. Am I asking that these players be removed from the Hall? No, not at all.

If you’ve seen Bobby Clarke play, you know that he made a career out of the kind of stick work that Dino Ciccarelli did one time to earn a black mark on his career. Are Bobby Clarke’s 358 goals, 852 assists and 1,210 points really that much better than Ciccarelli’s? The simple answer is no, they aren’t. The fact that Bobby Clarke played in a time where sticks were used as weapons nearly as often as a method to propel the puck shouldn’t make it okay for him to do and not okay for Ciccarelli.

The fact is, Dino Ciccarelli’s career accomplishments merit induction into the Hall of Fame. It is simply not fair to withhold this honor from him due to on- and off-ice incidents that have not kept out other deserving players. I sincerely hope that this is the year that Dino Ciccarelli gets the call he has long deserved to hear.

The Red-Sided Garter Snake

2010-06-20T23:35:00.003-04:00

I thought that in today's FOSFOTD, which is going to be another animal sex themed one, we would look at something near to my heart and home, the Mating Ball of the Red-Sided Garter Snake.

The annual mating of the Garter snake is actually a tourist attraction here in my home province of Manitoba, especially in the Narcisse Snake Pits, about 20 minutes away from the house I grew up in.

You see, when the Garter snake starts it's mating ritual, the female releases an extremely potent sex-pheromone which attracts hundreds of males to her. (The Group is gonna love this next part) As the males all fight to be the ones to copulate with her, they form a giant mating ball, surrounding the female in a huge snake-orgy.

Weird enough for you yet? No?

Let me try something else.....

These are no ordinary males though. Not only are there hundreds of snakes trying to nail this one female, they're all doing it with not one, but two penises. That's right, the male Garter snake has two penises, called hemipenes, one on each side of his body.

Really, how fucking kinky are these female snakes, inciting giant dual-penis orgy balls on an annual basis?

Also, third part of today's fun fact: there are some male snakes that will actually emit the female's pheromone such that they are surrounded in the mating-ball. No, they aren't gay snakes, get your mind out of the gutter. Snakes are cold blooded and must rely on external sources of heat to, you know, not die. As such, when these "she-male" snakes come out of their dens and find a lack of sufficient sunlight, they must resort to such sources to garner adequate heat.

Just remember that if any of you are ever in Manitoba in either May or September and want to check out the snake orgies, drop me a line and I'll gladly escort you there.

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

2010-06-20T00:50:00.002-04:00

Any kind of Silicosis is an inflammatory disease of the lungs caused by the inhalation of very fine silica based dust.

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis on the other hand, refers to this state specifically when it is caused by the inhalation of ultra-fine silica dust that comes with the ash of an erupting Volcano.

It IS the longest dictionary-recognized word in the English language currently, and was created for that purpose. It was introduced in 1935 by the President of the National Puzzler's League, surpassing electrophotomicrographically.

The longest word in the english language to NOT appear in the dictionary, if you are wondering, is the chemical name for the protein Titin, which has a molecular formula of C_132,983H_211,861N_36,149O_40,883S₆₉₃. It's name is 189,819 letters long, 4,218 times longer that Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

For obvious reasons I will not be posting it here, but if you care to see it, click here

Roster Picture Coming into Focus

2010-06-19T18:09:00.002-04:00

Hello out there,

I wanted to give you all a little taste of what I'm going to be doing in my new role as an author for Detroit Sports Nation. This is the second piece I have published for them so far. The other is available on the site as well, and deals with the Bertuzzi signing. I hope you enjoy and take a moment to explore the entire site, as it really is quite impressively put together.

Lluvia de Peces

2010-06-19T00:06:00.003-04:00

Andy has requested a fact about Honduras, and as such, I present to you my offering.

I was inspired for this specific fact by my local weather, where it has been raining and pouring for a few days now. A common slangular expression that one might use to describe the weather I have been experiencing would be "Raining Cats and Dogs," or, since Andy is Norwegian, Wikipedia tells me he would say "det regner trollkjerringer" which apparently means something about she-trolls. Perhaps he can enlighten us. Moving on.

But that's just what it is here, an expression. There aren't any actual cats or dogs falling from the sky.

However, if we travel to the Yoro Department in Honduras, things are a little different.

There, you can experience the phenomena known as the Llluvia de Peces, or Rain of Fish. Basically, huge storm clouds roll on in, thunder and lightening start up, wind gusts up, rain pours down for a few hours, then it all blows over and stops.

Oh yeah, and there are a few hundred live fish on the ground. That's kind of an important part, probably should mention that.

Fish, on the ground.

Yeah.

Strange, I know, but it's not the only recorded event of something like this. As recent as this February in Australia there was a documented case of fish being sucked up by a water-spout and dropped onto land.

Of course, they're usually dead.

Oh, other fun fact: All the fish in Honduras are salt-water (surprise, it has two oceans on it's borders), but the fish found on the ground are freshwater.

As I said, SIMILAR things have happened, and they've all been explained for. There is currently NO scientific explanation for the Lluvia de Peces, and stranger still it seems to happen on a yearly basis.

The only explanation that has been given is that it is the work of God. In the 1850's, a Spanish Missionary visited Honduras and upon seeing all the poor people, prayed for 3 days and nights for asking God for a Miracle to feed the hungry. The Rain of Fishes has apparently happened ever since.

Science may disprove most religious beliefs on a regular basis, but its things like this that make you wonder. (Or at least, wonder until science figures it out, since God doesn't exist)

(Yeah, I went there)

A Brand New Opportunity

2010-06-18T11:59:00.005-04:00

Loyal reader...

I started this blog earlier this season as a way of expressing myself about one of the things that matters most to me...Red Wing Hockey. When I first started out, I've gotta admit, I had no idea what I was gonna do. Do I try and be as funny as The Triple Deke, or Down Goes Brown? Do I try and keep up with Drew and post every hour, on the hour? Eventually, I settled into my own identity as a blogger and found a style that works best for me.

Then, I introduced you all to Cody. Together, we tried to keep things as light and easy going around here as possible, while still trying to keep you informed. This blog has been a place for me to talk about hockey with other people who share my passion.

One thing I didn't count on was anything coming out of this site other than a few jokes here and there, and the occasional bit of breaking news. However, this site has become much, much more than that. It has become my link to a great big world of blogs out there. Before, I was just a reader and occasional commenter. Now, I would like to think that I've made actual connections with tons of people, through this site, through Twitter, through Facebook.

Recently, one of the people I met through the Internet, Ben Havis, informed me of another opportunity to further my passion for writing about the teams that matter to me. If you take a gander over to the Blog Roll on the right hand side of the screen, you'll see I've added Detroit Sports Nation to the mix. I am going to be contributing to that site as an author a few times weekly. I'll be writing about the Red Wings, of course. I'll also be writing about hockey in general on occasion. I will also get my first chance at writing about a team I have recently become very fond of, the Detroit Tigers.

Detroit Sports Nation is a blog that seeks to cater to all of your Detroit sporting needs. We have authors that cover every aspect of the Detroit sports scene, from the Wings, to the Tigers, to the Pistons, to the Lions and even college sports and beyond.

Don't you worry, loyal reader. Cody and I will still be here to bring the funny. The time we put into this blog will not slip, and if it seems to be, I fully expect to hear about it from you.

I hope you will all join me in this new opportunity and help DSN become the biggest and baddest Detroit sports blog around.

Thank you once again for all of the time you've put into helping make this blog a success. Those who read and comment on this blog are what make it worthwhile. The people I keep in touch with through Twitter keep me in stitches on a regular basis. And last but not least, The Group. You know who you are. If you're a regular, you know exactly what you mean to me, and I'm sure you would say the same about each member of The Group. MOAR WINS FOR MOAR POINTS FOR MOAR PLAYOFFS FOR MOAR STANLEY CUPS!

Sincerely,

Rob Benneian

I'm Sorry Sam, It's going to be gross again...

2010-06-17T22:58:00.002-04:00

See readers? You read and comment long enough without pissing me off, maybe you can get a post title directed at you as well.

Before I disgust most of you to the point of vomiting on your computers, rendering them useless, I would like to take a brief moment to say that I am now accepting requests for FO-SFOTD topics. Give me something like, "Spiders" or "Asteroids" or "Ancient Egyptian Art" or something, and I'll try to find something interesting for you all. I'm starting to regret having to research one of these everyday, and it would make it a little easier for me, and more interactive and fun for all of you.

Make a comment with a suggestion now before reading on if you wish, you might not be in the mood a few paragraphs from now.

Done?

Okay, let's move onto today's topic then.

Traumatic Insemination.

The creature we are going to focus on during this discussion is Cimex lectularius, which is a species of Bedbug. This is not to say that Cimex is the ONLY creature that utilizes this practice, however it does seem to be the most evolved of any species.

Side Note: If upon reading that you thought "Evolution doesn't exist, I believe in Creationism" then you are retarded, please GTFO of my blog. The Catholic Church accepted the Big Bang Theory in 1951, and if you can accept an incomplete theory riddled with unexplainable holes, you can accept scientific FACT that there has been ever evolving life on this earth for millions of years.

Now, where was I?

Oh yeah, bedbug sex.

(If I keep up with the weird critter sex things I'm going to end up institutionalized)

In humans, we have two separate systems to make up our Circulatory System: The Lymphatic system, which distributes lymph and is responsible for most of our immune response, and The Cardiovascular system, which distributes our blood. In insects such as Cimex, however, they have an OPEN circulatory system, where there is no distinguishable division between the cardiovascular and lymphatic systems. This results in Cimex circulating a fluid called Hemolymph all over their bodies, to ever organ and tissue.

Why am I telling you this? Because it is very interesting, and important when it comes to reproduction, here's why:

- the female Cimex has no reproductive opening on her body.
- the male Cimex has a penis shaped like a blunt needle
- it's called traumatic insemination
- do I really need to go on?
- Yes. Yes I do.

Basically, the male will STAB the female in the abdomen with his needle-dick, ejaculate, and then, thanks to the Open circulatory system and hemolymph fluid, the sperm will be carried to the ovaries of the female where fertilization occurs. In most organisms this is very dangerous for the female, but in Cimex (remember, evolved) it is slightly less so. Cimex females have developed a soft spot in their bellies for this piercing to occur, beside which they have specialized sperm receptacles to facilitate quick, non-random transport of the sperm to the ovaries.

It still is pretty bad for them though, they're still getting stabbed with a dick. But they also have a SECOND evolutionary benefit! If they have been recently dick-stabbed and another male dick-stabs them again, he can FEEL IT WITH HIS NEEDLE-DICK which makes him pull out rather than continue, knowing his efforts will do more harm than help towards the goal of reproduction.

Fun Stuff.

Yeah, enjoy those nightmares tonight folks. I guarantee NONE of you are gonna want sex for awhile after reading this. You're welcome.

Bert Brings Back Beastly Big Body

2010-06-16T20:39:00.003-04:00

Yeah, that's some alliteration bitches. Who says we bloggers have to have real writing talent.

Bertuzzi returns to us with a cap hit of $1.9375M, which may be a little higher than expected, but for a guy who was fourth on the team in goals and fifth in points last season, had a couple of phenomenal shootout winners (in addition to his team third best 4 GWG otherwise), and created a LOT of space for those he played with, its still a damn fine deal.

In my mind, Bertuzzi had his best chemistry all year with Datsyuk (I know, who the fuck wouldn't) and though we aren't paying him a first liner's salary, nor is he one of the 3 best forwards on our team *coughDatsyukZetterbergFranzencough*, here is how my lines for next year are shaping up:

Franzen - Datsyuk - Bertuzzi
Hudler - Zetterberg - Holmstrom
Cleary - Helm - Flip
Flop - Gator - Draper

(Note: Flip and Flop are my new names for Valterri and Ilari, get used to it or else)

The first line is huge, literally. Bertuzzi and Franzen are such big bodies that they will give Datsyuk a ridiculously dangerous amount of space. I know, I know, Homer has to be on our top line, blah blah whatever, fuck you. Homer is old. He is still the best in the world at standing in front, but he can't fucking skate and move around and draw guys in the way he used to. Bert and Mule are good enough in front, are interchangeable and can skate and pass and work with Dats far better. That line is good for 100 goals, easy.

Homer moving down with Hank and Huds actually works fantastically. Homer on the top line puts him with Mule, and since Homer can ONLY stand in front, we lose that entire aspect of Mule's game. On the second line, he's the only guy in front, and creates fantastic chances for snipe-show Hudler to finish off some of Z's incredible plays, and vice-versa.

The third line was an issue for me. I was really, REALLY tempted to put the Filppula bros together, but who finishes? I mean, Huds can come down, but that bumps Cleary up and Helm down, neither of which should be happening in my mind. Even now, Flip doesn't really have much help, but then I'd have to break up my top 6 which I really don't want to do either. I'm really hoping that he exceeds expectations, Cleary turns on his clutch play all season long, and Helm takes my advice and LIVES WITH DATSYUK THIS SUMMER AND LEARNS TO MURDER PEOPLE WITH STICKHANDLING. If these things happen, it can be as scary a third line as they come.

Gator hits hard and has shown glimpses of a great finishing touch, and Draper is still fast as all hell and can grind it out like a man half his age, so hopefully they'll give Flop some time and space to showcase his skill and eat the puck, and maybe even pot a few goals here and there. Eaves should be working into this line too if we keep him, and his shot and Ilari's dangling should be good for some highlight plays from a very versatile fourth line.

Oh, Yeah, Fact of the Day. Remember, they'll be short when I make an actual post, the big ones I reserve for slow days.

There is a condition that causes you to awaken from sleep with an excruciatingly loud noise in your head. Like, literally, in your head. The noise isn't real, it originates in your damn head. No one knows what causes it. But they came up with a great name:

Exploding Head Syndrome.

I shit you not. Hopefully none of you have it.

New Line Combos

2010-06-16T00:18:00.003-04:00

This is all entirely dependant on Big Flip being able to make the jump to the NHL this year, instead of spending some time in Grand Rapids, but I thought it'd be fun to see how our lines could shape up. Big Flip is obviously a guy you want on one of your scoring lines, so with that said...

Holmstrom - Datsyuk - Franzen
V. Filppula - Zetterberg - Hudler
I. Filppula - Helm - Bertuzzi
Draper - Abdelkader - Cleary

Kenny Holland mentioned earlier this year that in order to be the most effective player he can be, Helm needs to be a third line center rather than a fourth line center. This, obviously, give him more minutes, but being on the third line, he'd play with more skilled players. They might have seen something in I. Filppula that they thought could work well with a guy like Helm, potentially with Bertuzzi riding shotgun.

Another possible scenario is that we don't resign Big Bert. In fact, this signing may be a sign from Kenny that the Wings are willing to make the necessary moves to prepare for life without Bert (tragic as that would be....).

In that case, Clears would move to the threes and Eaves would go from the rotation to the regular line up. In any event, it is an intriguing move from Mr. Holland. In Kenny We Trust.

BREAKING NEWS: Red Wings sign F Ilari Filppula

2010-06-16T00:02:00.004-04:00

The Detroit Red Wings just got a little more beautiful. Well, that is if Ilari looks anything like his brother.

The Wings have just agreed to a deal with the older brother of our very own Valterri Filppula. Ilari has been playing in the highest level Finnish league, and this season won the Jari Kurri Trophy as the best player in the playoffs in the top Finnish league.

I'm gonna be completely honest, I didn't even know Valterri had a brother, so I'm not gonna pretend I know anything about him. However, judging by his statistics, he plays the same "pass first-pass second-shoot third" mentality as his brother. Here's to hoping he pans out.

Here's a clip of the new guy.

The Russian Factor and your 6th Fun Fact!

2010-06-15T22:12:00.006-04:00

OMG A REAL POST FROM CODY AND NOT JUST SOME STUPID FACT OF THE DAY????

Yeah, I was surprised too. Don't fret, the fact is coming at the end of this post [but don't just skip down, I'll know and it will hurt my feelings :'( ]

So, hopefully you were able to pick up on Rob's sarcasm yesterday (or, I guess technically this morning) and realize that despite how amazingly accurate Central Scouting's rankings tend to be, there IS some slide ups/downs in the numbers. This can be due to things like a team wanting a specific position filled, drafting a Legacy player, drafting a French guy if you're Montreal, or the team's GM announcing the wrong name because he was too pissed off over losing a bet as to whether or not Bobby Clark would be able to remember his pick's name this year.

But, it seems like nowadays the MOST common reason for picks sliding up and down the charts is the so-called "Russian Factor." Especially with the KHL taking steps to becoming a slightly more viable league, teams are scared (with good reason) to draft Russian born players because it may be a waste of a pick if the player decides to stay at home.

That being said, I do believe that with our depth, our knack for late round gems, and our amazing scouting staff make us prime subjects to risk such a pick by drafting a future Russian star.

And now, I present to you the top 3 Russian players in this year's draft, all of whom the Wings have a legitimate shot at picking come June 25th.

Aleksandr Burmistrov
5'11" 157lbs
Center, Shoots L
Ranked 11th among North American Prospects
Ranked 6th Overall by The Hockey News

Now, you might be going "WTF? North American Prospect??" right about now, and I was right with you when I first read about him. Alex is currently playing for the Barrie Colts in the OHL, and is the only Russian we will look at today that has left Mother Russia already. He came over to Canada and was able to learn fluent English in just a few months, which really speaks to his drive to stay in this continent for hockey.

He is a very small guy, but hey, he's 18, he'll grow. That's what another couple years of junior and AHL are for. Outside of that, he's fast as all hell, and has some fantastic hands, putting up 22 goals and 65 points in the 62 games he played with Barrie this season. He has also competed with Team Russia in the WJC twice, putting up 4 goals and 7 points in 10 total games. He may not drop far since he seems like such a safe bet to stay, but we can hope.

Vladamir Tarasenko
5'11" 202lbs
RW, Shoots L
Ranked 2nd among International Prospects
Ranked 14th Overall by The Hockey News

Runner up for KHL Rookie of the Year in his debut season, Vladamir not only has my favorite Russian name, but is fucking built like a brick wall. From the scouting reports that I have read he has no glaring weaknesses, but if you had to name his biggest one it would be the defensive aspect of his game (Do we know anyone good at helping with that?)

He put up 13 goals and 24 points in 42 games with HC Sibir, good enough for 3rd on his team and first in the league among his age. Keep in mind this is playing in a men's league as well, pretty impressive numbers. The only risk with him is that his Coach, who also happens to be his father, thinks he should stay in Russia "for the near future"

Evgeny Kuznetsov
6'0" 172lbs
Center, Shoots L
Ranked 3rd among International Prospects
Ranked 18th Overall by The Hockey News

A very inconsistent offensive madman, Evgeny put up 6 goals and 13 points in only 7 games playing for Team Russia in the '08-'09 U18 Six-Nations tournament, and 5 goals and 12 points in the '09-'10 tournament and looked like a giant beating up baby midgets. He then returned to the KHL and Traktor Chelyabinsk where he put up an awful 2 goals and 9 points in 35 games.

He recently signed a two year deal with Traktor, and said that if drafted he would be willing to move to the NHL, but only once said contract is up, or if his team lets him leave.

Personally I think Tarasenko would be the best fit for us (teach him to play defense and stand in front of a net and we have a new Russian Net-Guy just in time for Homer and Bert retiring and Cleary getting old), but it remains to be seen who will drop, who will be brave, and what Holland and the staff end up wanting.

And Lastly,

Your Fun Off-Season Fact of the Day!!!!!

Just a quickie today in lieu of the long post about Russians.

African Elephants eat around 330lbs of food per day, which is the equivalent of your favorite two writers here at WWEh? (I think, Rob is pretty skinny, but he's 6' so I'm assuming he breaks a buck sixty)

Good thing they're herbivores...

Would you draft the next Lidstrom at #21 overall?

2010-06-15T01:47:00.003-04:00

The Red Wings have the 21st pick in the upcoming NHL Entry Draft, taking place June 25-26 in the hockey hotbed of Los Angeles, California. The Central Scouting Rankings are, of course, the be-all, end-all of hockey drafting. Wherever a player is ranked is almost certainly where he will be drafted. There are never any off the board picks, or reaches, or players sliding into late rounds to be snatched up by a clever GM. So with that being said, it is obvious that the Red Wings will take the 21st ranked North American skater, defenseman John Merrill.

Merrill is a product of the United States Hockey League (USHL), and has won back to back gold medals with the US U-18 team at the World Championships. The Red Wings have gone the USHL route a few times in the recent past, with players such as D Nick Jensen of the Green Bay Gamblers, and F Max Nicastro of Boston University. Detroit has also in the past gone after players with local ties (Rafalski, Miller, Abdelkader), and Merrill fits this distinction as well. He was born in Brighton, Michigan, and has wanted to play for the University of Michigan since he was 14.

A recent post by the one, the only, George Malik of MLive.com has the Red Wings potentially targeting Merrill with their first round pick, and compares him to none other than Detroit's current captain.

“If you asked me to compare him to a player in the NHL, I would compare him to Nick Lidström,” Berenson explained. “Jon is that type of player. I think he can become that kind of a player in the near future. It’s a nice comparison, so if he can ever come close to that, then he’ll be quite a player.”

Sold. I'll take a dozen, please.

If you're the kind of guy who likes some hard, tangible numbers, here are some for you:

Merrill is 6'3", 205 lbs. He has NHL-ready size, and he's barely 18. Yeah, he's gonna be a big boy.
While he is known as a solid defensive player, and a crease-clearer, he also seems to be quite the powerplay quarterback, as the majority of his production comes with the man advantage, similar to TPH.
His stats in his 22 games with Team USA this season read: 22 games played, 1 goal, 8 assists. All but 3 of his points came on the powerplay.

Merrill is committed to UofM for the fall, so we know that he is a few years away from making an impact in Detroit's system. For a recent example of a the Wings letting a player develop through the college system before they get their chance at the pro-level, look no farther than Brendan Smith. Smith is entering his first year in Detroit's system. He will most likely be the stud defenseman in Grand Rapids, but he is also a long shot to make the team out of training camp. Merrill could be another one of these players.

I want to give you all a sneak peek into what our defense could potentially look like, 5 years down the road from now, featuring ONLY players the Wings have drafted (or in Merrill's case, might draft) and developed, rather than players in the system or in the league that we could acquire. I will also provide a little blurb about some of the players you may not have heard about yet.

First Pairing:

Niklas Kronwall - Jakub Kindl

We all know everything we need to know about Kronwall. When healthy, he is a force to be reckoned with. Kindl we will become very familiar with this season, as he is expected to be on the roster as he has a one way deal this year. His biggest skill is his ability to successfully quarterback a powerplay, and teamed up with Nik Jr, this could be a dynamite duo. He also has good size, and has gotten much, much better in his own end.

Second Pairing:

Brendan Smith - Logan Pyett

Brendan Smith we have heard a lot about lately, as he is making the jump from college hockey to pro hockey this year. We also heard about his off-ice incidents that may be cause for a little concern. However, if he can keep his head screwed on straight, the fact is that he could become an elite level defenseman. He is a ridiculously talented and physical player, unlike anyone the Wings have employed in a long time. For everything you need to know about Logan Pyett, think: Brian Rafalksi. He is an undersized, right-handed defenseman who is a skilled puck mover, and surprisingly good in his own end for his size. He has been playing in Grand Rapids, but expect him to make a push for playing time with the big team in the next year or two.

Third Pairing:

Adam Almqvist - Jonathan Ericsson

Big Rig, I don't think I need to say much about. We know what he offers, and what he lacks. He has the tools to be very good. Now, it's about him putting it all together. Almqvist is a kid a lot of you probably haven't heard about. He is a classic Red Wing pick. We took him in the 7th round of last years draft, and he was a player that probably wasn't even on most teams radar. However, Scouting Extraordinaire Hakan Andersson saw something in Almqvist that he believed gave him first round value: an elite hockey sense. He has often compared the vision Almqvist has to that of Nicklas Lidstrom, and for any defenseman, let alone a young Swedish kid, that is just about the highest praise you can get. His size is the only detractor, as he checks in at a generous 5'11", 174 lbs. However, a player can always get stronger. You can't just acquire hockey sense. Almqvist has steadily worked his way up through the levels of the Swedish Elite League, and is now playing in the top level against grown men, and is absolutely dominating. If he can make the adjustment to North America, we may have another notch in Hakan Andersson's belt.

As always, I'd love to hear your take on any of these players, or if you think a player I haven't mentioned warrants consideration. Most of all, I just love to talk hockey with you people either here or on Twitter. Oh, Christ, I just Twitter-linked myself...I should probably go give myself a swirlie and get it over with.

Let's talk about Sex....

2010-06-14T22:13:00.002-04:00

...Anglerfish sex that is, in the FIFTH installment of the Fun Off-Season Fact of the Day!

Now some of you may be going "Anglerfish, I know that name, I think...."

To refresh your memory,

There, much better.

All of those beautiful creatures that you commonly associate with the Anglerfish name, the ones with the big light on their heads, are actually females. Every single one of them. The males are much, much smaller, and are relatively unseen.

Fascinating, right? Wait until you hear how they survive and reproduce.

The males are pretty much blind, can't swim worth a damn, and literally cannot eat. They live with one purpose and one purpose only, much the same as a frat guy with an IQ of 87, to get laid.

You see, the one thing that those males DO have going for them is an extremely good sense of smell, which aides them greatly in smelling out the pheromones of the female fishes that they desire. Once they catch a whiff of that sexy goodness, they make a beeline for the female and, in the kinkiest act I have heard of so far from a deep-sea dwelling creature, bite right onto her skin. The male then secretes a series of gastric enzymes which, essentially, melt the female's skin and his own mouth so that they meld together, right down to the bloodstream from which the male can now obtain his nutrition.

Now here comes the fun part.

Over time, as the male becomes part of the female's body, he loses the need for his other bodily systems as well; respiratory, digestive, skeletal, sensory, and eventually neurological organs all disappear until only the male gonads remain.

That's right. The only part of the male left is a pair of balls.

Balls. Absorbed into the female's skin.

Balls.

Balls.

Testicles.

A female Anglerfish usually will have between 3 and 6 pairs of BALLS absorbed into her body at any given time, until a point at which she wishes to reproduce, wherein she will release stimulating hormones through her bloodstream that will reach the ABSORBED BALLS causing them to release sperm to fertilize her eggs. Presto, little baby Anglerfish. The females destined for a life of looking scary as fuck, the males fated to become ABSORBED BALLS.

balls.

balls.

balls.

testicles.

gonads.

balls.

Goodnight. I'm wearing a cup to bed, just in case.

Fun Off-Season Fact of the Day Numero Quatro!

2010-06-13T23:45:00.002-04:00

Yeah, that's some Spanish for ya. You may be thinking right now "Cody, does this Spanish flair have anything to do with the fact of the day?"

No. No it doesn't. I was just bored.

Moving on.

Now as some of you may or may not know, my wonderful co-writer and founder here at WWEh? currently works for McDonalds while he puts himself through school. And in honour of that, I present to you a quintet of fun facts about that wonderful building nestled underneath those Golden Arches.

- The box for a 10 piece Chicken McNuggets actually has ELEVEN nuggets depicted on the cardboard

- Ronald McDonald can speak over 25 different languages

- Despite what The Simpsons think, McDonalds in Italy does not serve beer. However, they do in Germany, Spain and France.

- In addition to having a drive-thru at most of it's locations, one McDonalds in the mountains of Sweden has a SKI-THRU option.

- And finally, a fact that Rob himself helps contribute to, nearly 1 in every 8 people in the North American workforce have been employed by McDonalds at some point in time!

And now I want a fucking Big Mac, and the closest McD's is an hour away..........

Shit.

Fun Fact of the Day Icelandic Style

2010-06-13T23:43:00.006-04:00

Since Cody seems to be M.I.A. today, I've got your fun fact covered...at the expense of Cody's heritage. Everybody loves a little good old fashioned racism once in awhile, amiright?

/sounds of the few readers we have turning away in disgust/

Crap. Oh well, since it's just me in here now, I guess I'll go ahead anyway.

Everyone knows that a dog is a man's best friend, right? Well tell that to Cody's ancestors in Iceland! Apparently in the (Less)Great White North, it is against the law to have a dog as a pet.

These are the same people who find it to be insulting to leave a tip at a restaurant.

One final fact about Iceland...everyone in the phone books there is listed by their first name, rather than their last. Good luck trying to find the phone number for Jón next time you're in Iceland...

It's That Time Again!!

2010-06-12T23:07:00.003-04:00

Time for your Third installment of the Off-Season Fun Fact of the Day Kids!

Today is going to be an interactive fact for some, and for others you will just have to take my word for it.

As we all are aware, some, if not most of us are born with a gag reflex. This reflex occurs when something touches the soft palate in the back of your mouth at a time when you are not actively swallowing. It was developed by your body through evolution (Shit, just alienated some of our Christian readers) to prevent death by choking.

Not all of us have one though. It can be suppressed through practice, such as with sword swallowers or porn stars. It can also be removed via trauma to the throat or glossopharyngeal nerve, or by having your tonsils out, which diminishes the size of your soft palate and in turn reduces the chance of contact with it. Some people just are born without one.

But for those that do have one, I'm about to help you see what it feels like to not have one.

Here comes the interactive part.

Step 1 - Make a fist with your left hand, tight as you can.
Step 2 - With your right hand now, squeeze your left thumb very very hard.
Step 3 - Release your thumb, and stick your right index finger down your throat.

Congratulations! If done correctly, your gag reflex should be strangely absent right now. The wonders of the inter-connectivity of the human body!

Fun Off-Season Fact of the Day #2

2010-06-11T22:05:00.002-04:00

Only 118 Days to Go!!!!!

You get two facts today, since I am feeling FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC tonight!!!

Actually, the first fact is a SET of facts:

The average North American spends
- 2956 Hours shaving (males only [I hope])
- 20,000 Minutes kissing
- 6 MONTHS talking about the weather

Which, at the current life expectancy of 81 years, is 1% of your life as a male and 0.67% of your life as a Female. Doing just those things. Fun stuff.

Second Fact:

If you have been getting like, 5 hours of sleep a night for a couple weeks, and working out HARD every day, and feel REALLY tired all the time, and have a couple of stiff drinks after work, you get pretty tipsy pretty fast. Also, fun stuff.

Stay tuned for your fact of the day tomorrow! There are 118 more to come!! (Shit, this is gonna get tough in a couple dozen days....)

"Blackhawks = FUCKED NEXT YEAR." - An Update, and Fun Off-Season Fact of the Day #1

2010-06-10T22:04:00.004-04:00

First, homework:

http://wingswineh.blogspot.com/2010/06/nohs-drew-with-little-treat-for-you.html

Re-read that, then return here.

Get it?

You totally didn't read it. Liar. Do it, I'll wait.

Finally. You read slow. And now, the update to the situation:

"Toews gets a 1.3 million bonus for winning Conn. Because Chi was at cap, it will count against next year, so add that to their cap issues."
- As tweeted by TSN's James Duthie

So basically, the Hawks now have $58,881,000 committed to 14 players next year. That $400k to fill 8 spots? $(-900)k now. So they have to cut about 180% of a league minimum guy. I've updated Rob's lines to try to get a newer grasp on the situation now.

Editor's Note (Rob): It was revealed today that both Kane and Toews hit all of their performance bonuses in their contracts, totalling up to about $5M in bonuses against next years cap. HA.

Patrick Kane - Jonathan Toews - Marian Hossa
Dustin Byfuglien - Patrick Sharp - Kris Versteeg
Jonathan Toews' Bonus - Chris Neil's Debt - Traffic Cone (Movin on up!)
One of those guys that says "Athlete's get so much money, hell I'd PAY to be able to play in that league! - RECYCLED Empty Water Bottle (new ones are costly) - The first Timbits hockey player to light the lamp at their first preseason game intermission

Duncan Keith - Brent Seabrook
Second Bag of Pucks - Brent Sopel
Bag of Pucks - Brian Campbell

Joel Quenneville's Moustache (unfortunately now must be wax-free)
Cristobal Huet

Pretty solid fourth line, actually has two humans on it now. I shook up the defense too, the Bags of Pucks weren't getting any chemistry. Campbell matched perfectly with a Bag of Pucks, which makes perfect sense based on their similar value.

And even without the mustache wax, let's face it, Cristobal Huet STILL ISN'T a starting goaltender in the NHL.

And a new feature here on WWEh? to help you get through the 119 days until October 7th, the FUN OFFSEASON FACT OF THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!111111oneoneoneelevenseriouslykidholdontotheshiftkeyforanadequetamountoftimeplzkthxbai

Jaguars have excellent senses of smell, and this intrigued researches, who wanted to utilized this to help them track Jaguars in the wild. So, through a series of tests and experiments at the Bronx Zoo in NY, they determined what a Jaguar's favorite scent is, and then used that scent effectively in the wild of Guatamala.

Their favorite scent?

I shit you not: Obsession For Men, by Calvin Klein.

Red Wings taking care of business early

2010-06-08T12:56:00.002-04:00

I'm sure you've read it elsewhere by now, but just to keep on top of things, here are the latest developments in Red Wing land:

-Bertuzzi has been offered a two year deal. No word on the dollar amount.

-All of the RFAs (Helm, Abdelkader, Meech, Eaves, Miller) have been given qualifying offers. I'm expecting Helm and Abdelkader to sign, and hoping Eaves signs. I'd be happy to have Miller back, and if we do sign Meech, it'll be as training camp trade bait.

-Lebda was apparently being courted by Dynamo Minsk of the KHL, until they realized his salary demands were ridiculously high. Apparently Brett Lebda`s agent is DrunkLebda.

-Ken Holland and Jim Nill, who are expected to sign long term extensions in the very near future, are beginning to piece together the lineup for next season. Once they have sorted out contracts with the RFAs and Bertuzzi, they hope to get a rugged bottom six type of forward, as well as a physical defenseman (who could be our very own Andreas Lilja). Right now it looks like this, if they get their mystery forward and Lilja:

Holmstrom-Datsyuk-Franzen
Filppula-Zetterberg-Hudler
Bertuzzi-Helm-Cleary
Draper-Abdelkader-Eaves
*Unknown Forward-Miller-Ritola extras

Lidstrom-Rafalski
Kronwall-Stuart
Ericsson-Lilja/Kindl

Two guys I like to fill that gritty, sandpaper role on the bottom two lines are Adam Burish and Krystofer Barch, both of whom Red Wing fans should be familiar with. They each made well under a million dollars last year, are under 30 and fill a role.

Burish is a pest in the mold of a young Maltby. A fourth line of Burish-Abdelkader-Eaves would be a pain in the ass for anyone with their ability to hit hard and create offense. His 2009-2010 campaign was an injury shortened one, getting into just 13 regular season games, but notching 1 G, 3 A, 4 P and 14 PIM.

Barch is a scrapper, who fought Brad May twice this season. He posted 0 G, 6 A, 6 P to go along with his 130 penalty minutes. A fourth line consisting of Draper-Abdelkader-Barch would have considerably less offensive upside, but it would make opposiing defensemen look over their shoulders at all times.

As always, comments are appreciated, and I'd love to hear how you all expect our free agency to go down.

Scripps National Spelling Bee Finals LIVE BLOG STYLE

2010-06-04T19:42:00.003-04:00

This is it ladies and gentlemen. The day we've all been waiting for.

Are.
You.
Ready.
To.
S-P-E-L-L?!

EDIT BY CODY

Now, I realize that now, THREE MINUTES before the Bee spells, a lot of you are panicking, going "HOLY SHIT CODY, HOW DO I WATCH A SPELLING BEE?"

Well, it's very simple.

First, get comfy.

Second, turn on your TV with volume ample enough to hear everything

(next few steps for nerds only)

Thirdly, get yourself a piece of paper and a surface upon which to write where YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR TV WHILE WRITING.

Now, as each speller comes up, turn to your paper, try to spell the word as the pronouncer says it, then you can turn back to your TV where the word will be on your screen as the Speller tries his/her best. See how many you can get. Maybe we can post our scores here at the end of the Bee for all you following along.

Lastly, ENJOY!! ENTER SPELLERS!!!

Does spelling make you sad?

2010-06-04T10:46:00.002-04:00

You're not alone! A group of protesters are...protesting...(side note: invest in thesaurus) the Scripps National Spelling Bee, which is has been going on since Wednesday, and wraps up this evening. What, exactly, is their beef with a bunch of pre-adolescents spelling words correctly for fabulous prizes? The fact that they can't spell as well as them.

No, I'm serious.

Is the English language often illogical and confusing? Sure is. But that is one of the reasons the Spelling Bee is so much fun to watch! What do these people hope to accomplish with their protesting? Do they actually think they are going to garner enough (not ENUF) support to affect a global change in how words are spelled? Yeah, right.

As 15 year old Matthew Evans reasons, if the spelling of words was changed to make them easier, spelling bees would cease to exist, and frankly, that's not a world I want to live in.

Also, this is just a friendly reminder that we will be hosting a live blog of the final round of the Spelling Bee tonight which starts at 8 pm EST. All are welcome :)

Tomas Holmstrom officially becomes a Red Wing for life

2010-06-04T00:28:00.002-04:00

The Demolition Man has been locked up for the next two years on what may be the last professional hockey contract he ever signs. His cap hit is at $1.875M, which is almost half a million dollars less than what he made last year. Anyone who tries to tell me that Detroit sucks can eat it. Players want to come here, and once they're here, they want to stay. Holmstrom is just one of at least a half dozen guys make FAR below market value. Thanks for taking one for the team, as always, Tomas.

Some fun with Craig's List

2010-06-02T14:36:00.002-04:00

A friend tipped me off to exactly what Chris Pronger had in mind when he swiped the puck off the ice at the end of Game 2. I guess his $6.25M contract isn't enough.

NOHS Drew with a little treat for you!

2010-06-02T13:03:00.004-04:00

Yeah, rhyming titles and shit. You know it's gonna be a good blog when...

Anyway, Drew from Nightmare on Helm Street has this little gem that made my day.

I'm sure you know that Chicago is completely going for broke this season. It seems to have been a successful venture, up 2-0 in the Stanley Cup Finals. However, just how badly fuched are they for next year? Take a look at those numbers.

First, off the top, they have $57,581,000 committed to 14 players next year. Keep in mind, in this sport of hockey, it is advisable to have about 23 players on one's roster. With the salaray cap expected to be announced at $58 million next season, the Hawks have about $400,000 and change to fill out the remaining 8-9 spots on their roster. Keep in mind that the league minimum is $500,000. So, they can sign 80% of one player. The rest of their roster will need to be filled out in other, creative ways. So with that said, I present to you, the 2010-2011 Price Chopper Chicago Blackhawks!

Patrick Kane - Jonathan Toews - Marian Hossa
Dustin Byfuglien - Patrick Sharp - Kris Versteeg
Troy Brouwer - 80% of minimum wage player - Tomas Kopecky
Traffic Cone - Empty Water Bottle - Locker Room Door

Duncan Keith - Brent Seabrook
Brian Campbell - Brent Sopel
Bag of Pucks - Second Bag of Pucks

Joel Quenneville's Moustache
Cristobal Huet

Because let's be serious, Cristobal Huet is NOT a starting goaltender

The Captain is Coming Back

2010-06-01T11:37:00.005-04:00

Okay, you can all exhale now. We've all been holding out breath for nearly a month since being ousted by the Sharks and Referees in a 2-2-1 decision. We can finally breath a little easier. Nicklas Lidstrom will be back. And that automatically makes us Cup-eligible.

Lidstrom has won a Stanley Cup in virtually every phase of his career.

First, there was the scrappy young bunch of Wings who got closer and closer each year, and finally over came the demons of a 42 year drought in Detroit. Icing much of the cast from this victory, they won it again the next year.

Then, with almost an entirely new cast of players, including some new young talent (Pavel Datsyuk), and some established veterans brought in for one job only (Hasek, Robitaille, Hull, Duchesne, Olaussen), they brought Lord Stanley back home in 2002.

Finally, just two short years ago, Nicklas Lidstrom became the first European captain to lead his team to the Holy Grail with the newest edition of the Detroit Red Wings.

Many things have changed since Lidstrom came into the league 18 seasons ago. The game is played differently. Players are bigger. Faster. Stronger. (Harder?). The rule book, while it hasn't been changed, is actually being enforced as far as referees calling hooking penalties, as opposed to in the past when you had to fight through hooks and holds to get to where you wanted to go. Through all of this, there has been one constant: Nicklas. Erik. TPH. Lidstrom. Through all the changes, lockouts, tragedies and triumphs, Nicklas Lidstrom has stood tall. He is an icon in the city of Detroit, a role model for any defenseman, nay, any person. His actions speak louder than his words, both on and off the ice. An intensely private and fiercely humble yet proud man, I think most of us knew deep down that the competitor in him wouldn't let his NHL torch be extinguished this way.

He said it himself, back when the Red Wings were eliminated in March. He hasn't accomplished everything he wanted to do in his career. That statement should have put the rest of the league on notice. Nicklas Lidstrom, the 6 time Norris trophy winner, 4 time Stanley Cup winner, Conn Smythe trophy winner, Olympic Gold medallist, isn't satisfied. The sound you just heard was the other 29 teams defecating in unison. As much as they may like Lidstrom on the ice, no one on any other team wanted him back next year, because with him, the Red Wings are automatically in the Stanley Cup discussion.

Lead on Nick, lead on.

formspring.me

2010-05-27T22:05:00.001-04:00

Let's talk hockey! http://formspring.me/WingsWinEhRob

An explanation for Bucket's season, and hope for the future

2010-05-26T21:36:00.002-04:00

Dan Cleary just didn't seem right all year long. We heard in preseason that his entire line had sprained their groins, leading to questions of just what exactly he, Zetterberg and Bertuzzi were doing during the offseason. My guess is on hookers. Anyways...

He was playing below his usual level throughout the regular season even before he got hit at center ice and separated his shoulder. When he came back, he still seemed to be a step slow. Well, now we know why.

You've got to admire the toughness of a guy like that, but one can't help but wonder if we would have been better off if he had the surgery early on and had other guys fill his role, especially since he wasn't really producing. It's good to know that there was a legitimate medical reason for his decline though.

I love the quote at the end from Cleary.

"Now I can't wait to start training again," he said. "This is going to be my hardest summer of training, and I'm going to come back stronger than ever next season."

I expect BIG things from Cleary next year. He is MEGA pissed about how this season turned out for him, especially since he's been improving each season since coming over here in both ends of the ice.

Holmstrom - Datsyuk - Franzen
Filppula - Zetterberg - Hudler
Cleary - Helm - Bertuzzi
Draper - Abdelkader - Eaves

Take a look at our (projected by me) third line. It's got size, grit, speed, guys who are good in the corners. It has the potential to be a very good unit, especially with Cleary hitting the gym like never before.

WWEh? says Farewell with its 100 post.

2010-05-25T23:04:00.002-04:00

Completely by accident, WWEh? reaches a milestone in coverage of a momentous event. How about them apples.

When Rob first asked me to cover this story (don't worry, the professional is going to have his own take at some point, I'm just the eye candy. Delicious and sexually stimulating eye candy), I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to do.

Go through my favorite Stevie moments? Yeah, because you want to read THAT list for the 873rd time in the last 7 hours. (First realization made after spending 2 hours creating a post like this)

Video clips of his achievements? See above.

Video tribute that I create? Far too lazy, plus it would hardly be original or new things to see.

Hell, I even thought about writing a song, but didn't think I could get it done on time.

But then I realized just WHY I was shooting down all of my own ideas: because Stevie meant more to us than something simple like that. He wasn't just another player, he was a real person, he was a part of our lives, and for some die-hards, he was almost like family. Part of the great, big, world-wide, happy, sad, ecstatic, depressive, altogether extremely bipolar and in need of excessive rounds of therapy Red Wings Family.

And on that note, I present to you some of the favorite moments of MY life that were influenced by the greatness that IS

Stephen.
Gregory.
Yzerman.

April 28th, 1996, the last game of the Winnipeg Jets, my hometown team growing up. I may have only been 6, but I was hockey crazy at the time, especially with my first season of travel hockey coming to an end with young me craving more. As I watch and say goodbye, I realized that I need someone else to cheer for now. And in that game, I watched the great Steve Yzerman and the mighty Red Wings dismantle my beloved team, and I was hooked. Next winter, I was Stevie in every game of pickup, I was backchecking my little tiny heart out just like my idol, and my personalized hockey card had YZERMAN listed as my favorite player. Hell, I would've worn number 19 if the team had a jersey with that on it. (I ended up as #2, as a reminder that I'll never be #1 but to always strive for it)

Grade 3, assignment to write a paragraph on who your hero is and why. I turn in a full page about Yzerman. 100% bitches.

Sometime in 2000-01, lunch hours at school. Growing up living in Manitoba, the winters get cold, and when they get -45C cold (that's around-50F), recess at school becomes indoors. As one might expect, this happens from time to time. This particular winter, two things happened. The first, was that it was REALLY cold A LOT of the time. The second, was that me and a few friends decided to start bringing mini-sticks and playing hockey in the halls and classrooms (much to the supervisors' dismay.) Teams of two, one forward, one goalie. Naturally, a piece of tape with 'Yzerman' scrawled on it somehow made it onto my back, and the Mini-Wings started their month and a half long trek to becoming the undefeated champions of the Grade 5 Mini-Stick hockey tournament. (Closest game was a 2 goal victory. There was a 10 goal mercy rule that we hit more often then not)

Being carried to bed by my dad after the triple OT Game 3 of the 2002 Cup Finals, 12 year old me could barely stay awake, and had to beg to stay up (Dad is was a Bruins fan)

I'm getting a little too emotional to keep going, but those were the first few that stood out. I'll try to add to this if I can, and if you're reading this I KNOW that you have at least one of these puppies and would love to hear about it in the comments below. And Rob, I'm sorry I didn't use any of your things, they just didn't fit.

I'm gonna end by wishing Steve good luck in Tampa, I've always liked that team, and obviously it was because I have ESP and knew he was going there one day. But in all seriousness, it is a young team that is starting to blossom, and having a young(ish) GM who is full of zest and eagerness is going to put that team over the top, and I for one would LOVE to see a Tampa - Red Wings final real soon, just so we can see how good of a job he's doing.

Stanley Cup Final Predictions

2010-05-24T22:36:00.002-04:00

I've decided that if you are coming here seeking advice on what team to pick for your Pro-Line ticket, then you deserve to lose. We clearly have no idea what we're doing. We may as well be having Maggie the Monkey pick for us.

/picks up the phone/

"Hey, TSN Panel, is Maggie available to do WWEh's picks for the Stanley Cup Finals? She's..what? No, I had no idea. No seriously, Duthie, I had no idea. I'm sorry. Tell Dreger to stop crying. And no, Bob, I'm not interested in buying your book today, ask me again tomorrow. You will? Super."

/hangs up phone/

I guess Maggie got into a little hot water after her retirement from TSN. Long story short, apparently monkey's aren't allowed to run illegal brothels in Little Havana. We all learned something here today.

Anyways, let's see just how poorly Cody did last round:

Habs in 6

To be fair, I thought the Habs would win too. I mean, if Alexander Ovechkin and Cindy Rosby can't score on Halak, how are the Flyers supposed to? I guess that's why they make you play the games instead of just handing us the cup every September, eh?

0-1, Cody. (You almost got the number of games right though, good for you! Gold star and cookies all around!)

_______ in 7. The Blank will be filled by whoever wins game 1. And yes, I'm totally allowed to do that. I make the rules here.

Well, I don't think anyone saw this coming. I thought Chicago would win the series, but I figured I wouldn't be writing this post until sometime this weekend. Oh well, this way, hockey will be over sooner than later and I can stop pretending it's the Red Wings on the screen.

/curls up into the fetal position and mutters about poor officiating and Setoguchi's diving/

You know what's cool about this years Stanley Cup Finals? The teams are getting a *gasp* break between series! Remember last year, when the Red Wings had to play the Penguins on just a days rest after a short but physically taxing series against the Blackhawks?

Well, this year, Li'l Gary decided to give the teams nearly a full week off. Thanks, Gary. Ass.

The Stanley Cup Finals open Saturday night at the Mad House on Madison, at 8 PM EST.

There is a strong belief in hockey circles that the Western Conference has been the stronger of the two, top to bottom, for at least the last few years. On that note, I am going to attach my cart to the Chicago bandwagon for the next two weeks or so.

Chicago in 5. We'll have a more detailed breakdown for you before the series kicks off.

Our favourite non-hockey related activity...

2010-05-21T20:08:00.003-04:00

As you may or may not know, Cody and I share a few passions in life. Hockey, fine wine, beautiful women...

But the thing that tops them all (except hockey) is this:

The.
Scripps.
National.
Spelling.
Fuching.
Bee.

For those of you who have yet to experience the magic and wonder that is watching pre-adolescents try to spell words I didn't know existed, I implore you to tune in two weeks from now. For those of you who HAVE seen the tournament before, you know what to expect.

Two days worth of all the spelling you could want. All the intensity of a Game 7 overtime. Any loss of focus, even for a second could result in complete disaster.

There are no returning champions to this years tournament, so we know for sure that we will have a first time winner. Who will rise up and claim the title? Who can withstand the rigors and pressure of not misspelling a word for that length of time?

The early favourite has to be Neetu Chandak. Chandak has competed three times prior, but never won. Expect Chandak to use all the experience she's accumulated to her own advantage.

Expect some more background on the Scripps National Spelling Bee in the days to come, as the day draws nearer and nearer. I hope you will all be there with us as we bring to you the first ever Spelling Bee live blog.

Until then, you can get ready for the Bee much the way you would for a playoff game: YouTube videos and Internet games.

For now, good luck and good spelling!

WWEh's Take on the Free Agent Problem

2010-05-19T13:53:00.007-04:00

We addressed the retention and loss of two RFAs, Mattias Ritola and Daniel Larsson earlier on. Now, I want to look at the rest of the Wings who are currently without a contract for next season.

Forwards (Name [status])

Tomas Holmstrom [UFA]
Todd Bertuzzi [UFA]
Jason Williams [UFA]
Kirk Maltby [UFA]
Darren Helm [RFA]
Justin Abdelkader [RFA]
Brad May [UFA]
Drew Miller [RFA]

Defense:

Nicklas Lidstrom [UFA]
Andreas Lilja [UFA]
Brett Lebda [UFA]
Derek Meech [UFA]
Doug Janik [UFA]
Ole-Kristian Tollefsen [RFA]

Goaltenders:

All Goaltenders on the roster are currently under contract

Here is my depth chart of who is currently under contract to give you an idea of who and what we need to sign to fill out our lineup.

Zetterberg - Datsyuk - Franzen
Hudler - Filppula -
Cleary - - Ritola
Draper - -

- Rafalski
Stuart - Kronwall
Ericsson - Kindl
-

Howard
Osgood

So, we need one top six forward, three bottom six forwards, depth on defense and to bring back The Perfect Human.

Every indication is that Nick will be back, and sooner than later. Ken Holland and Mike Babcock have both issued statements that they strongly believe that Nick will be back next season. Apparently, we will know his decision in the next two weeks or so.

Reading on in the article by St. James, we can see that Todd is likely to be back as well. He seems to have finally found a role and a city that suit him. The guy loves it here, we're not about to cut him loose.

"When the grass is as green as it is here, why go anywhere else?"

Oh yeah, he'll be back. And since he loves it so much, I'm willing to bet he's not going to play hardball with Kenny. If we lock him up for two more years at anything under $1.75M I'll be one happy camper. Say what you want about his spinning passes to no one and his one-handed dekes but don't question the guys heart. He cares. He wants to win. He's transformed himself from a dominant power forward who didn't give a rat's ass about defense to a solid two way player who carried our team for good chunks of the season, and very quietly put up nearly a point a game in the playoffs.

Another guy who will be back, no doubt in my mind, is Tomas Holmstrom. The only thing that I think he and Bert are waiting on is Nick. Once Nick announces that he is coming back, Homer and Bert will fall in line and accept whatever we are able to pay them. I'd say we get each of them for the next two seasons, and their combined salaries won't exceed $4M. So, lets say we get those two for $3.75M and Nick takes a cut for us and signs for 1 year at $5M, then we still have about $3.55M to fill out the roster.

At that point, the depth chart would change to this:

Holmstrom - Datsyuk - Franzen
Hudler - Zetterberg - Filppula
Bertuzzi - - Ritola
Cleary - Draper -

Lidstrom - Rafalski
Stuart - Kronwall
Ericsson - Kindl
-

Howard
Osgood

Obviously, our priority for two of the bottom six spots are the two guys who will hopefully be our checking line centers for years to come, the homegrown Darren Helm and Justin Abdelkader.

Darren Helm deserves a raise. A big one. Problem: We can't afford to give him one. Solution: We WILL be able to afford to give him his deserved raise down the road. If we get him to sign either a one or two year contract for about $800,000, then when the time comes, he will get his big pay day. Please be patient Darren, we're trying to build a champion.

Abdelkader is a different story. He's actually been making more money than Darren this whole time, but has been unable to secure a roster spot on a regular basis (mainly due to salary cap issues, but unable nonetheless). However, next year he WILL be with the big club full time. We need him to follow Helm's footsteps and not ask for a big raise this year, in hopes of cashing in on a long term deal down the road. If we get both guys under contract for 2 years at %1.6 combined, Kenny has done a fantastic job. That would leave us with approximately 2 million left, and a roster that looks like...

Holmstrom - Datsyuk - Franzen
Zetterberg - Filppula - Hudler
Bertuzzi - Helm - Cleary
Draper - Abdelkader - Ritola

Lidstrom - Rafalski
Kronwall - Stuart
Ericsson - Kindl
-

Howard
Osgood

We would just need to fill in the depth spots at that point. As I've previously said, I expect Ritola to be back in Grand Rapids next year, but we have the ability to call him up to the big club safely. So, if we take away his approximate $.6M cap hit, we would have about $2.5M to play with. We should be able to use that money to retain Andreas Lilja and Patrick Eaves to round out our penalty-killing and "sexy hunk" portion of our lineup. It would require each to take a small paycut from what they made last year. Would they do it? If you read Lilja's blog, it sounds like he would take a pay cut to stay here. Eaves, I'm not sure about only because he's new to Detroit. I'd like to think he'd want to stay and play for a winner, but if someone offers him more money/ice time, I can't really blame him for running. If we do sign those two, it would leave us with a depth chart of...

Holmstrom - Datsyuk - Franzen
Zetterberg - Filppula - Hudler
Cleary - Helm - Bertuzzi
Draper - Abdelkader - Eaves
Ritola (GR)

Lidstrom - Rafalski
Kronwall - Stuart
Ericsson - Kindl
Lilja

Howard
Osgood

We would be pretty hand-tied at this point in terms of cap flexibility, but we would have a very solid roster, top to bottom. Maybe we don't resign Eaves and Ritola takes the final forward spot? That gives us a little more wiggle room. Or maybe we don't sign Eaves, keep Ritola in the minors and sign Miller again on the cheap?

An interesting player to look at is Derek Meech. He has been lumped together with Brett Lebda as an entity known as Mebdeech, because of their similar styles of play. Where Meech outshines Lebda is in some intangibles:
a) Meech is a RFA, Lebda is a UFA. This means if we lose Meech, we could be compensated for it, where as Lebda is going for nothing.
b) Meech can fill in on the fourth line as a forward in a pinch.
c) Meech will cost less
d) Meech has more upside (I feel)
e) Meech seems less like the kind of guy who'd bitch about not getting ice time, because he won't get much with a healthy roster

With the players I have outlined above signed, we would stand to lose:

Jason Williams (duh)
Brad May (I bet he gets a job at Versus)
Kirk Maltby (poor Kirk...I bet he joins the St. Louis Blues...just a hunch)
Brett Lebda (you had your chances)

And we would also lose, unless they agree to dirt cheap/2way deals:

Doug Janik
Ole-Kristian Tollefsen

*Ed. Note: Andy from Fight Night has informed me that Tollefsen has already signed with Modo of the SEL. Andy is from Norway, so we can take that as expert information. Thanks Andy*

As always, your comments and questions are welcome. Let me know what you think the Wings lineup will look like next season. LGRW

More Red Wing (un) signing news, and a couple of former teammates pay tribute

2010-05-19T11:13:00.002-04:00

Goaltender Daniel Larsson, who was once looked at as the future between the pipes, who actually stole the job from Howard in Grand Rapids for periods of time, and who was a free agent this summer, has signed with HV-71 of the Swedish Elite League.

Detroit also has a youngster by the name of Adam Almqvist playing for HV-71, so hopefully Larsson takes the high road and doesn't sour him on playing for Detroit.

The Wings will retain his NHL rights for the duration of this two year deal, however. What this means is that should Larsson wish to pursue an NHL career again, he will have to return to us. We could then deal him or sign him to our team again. This is the same deal that we had with Hudler going over to the KHL.

The move also means that it is very likely we will draft a goaltender this summer, because our depth took a hit.

Right now, it looks like this:

Detroit
Starter: Jimmy Howard
Backup: Chris Osgood

Grand Rapids
Starter: Thomas McCollum
Backup: Jordan Pearce

McCollum earned top goaltending honours in the OHL, as did Jordan Pearce in the college hockey ranks, so clearly both are capable, competent goalies. Both, however, struggled making the jump to pro-level hockey. Last year was each of their first seasons in pro hockey, and they alternated time between Grand Rapids and Detroit's ECHL affiliate, the Toledo Walleye.

Expect Detroit to draft a goaltender to compete with McCollum and Pearce for time in Grand Rapids, or at worst to shore up the Toledo goaltending situation. Then, when Osgood (likely) retires after next season, everyone moves up a peg (theoretically) on the depth chart, and we have to replenish the depth again through the draft (most likely).

Isn't the offseason fun??

In other, unrelated news, it seems the Wings are having an impact on the Stanley Cup Playoffs still, without even playing in them...

Both Ville Leino and Marian Hossa paid compliments to the former club they shared, saying that the Red Wings were crucial to their development as hockey players, and a reason for their success since leaving.

I don't know about you, but isn't that kind of like you dumping your girlfriend only to find out a year later she is using everything you taught her to please her new man?

So, to Philadelphia and Chicago: Yeah, you know that knew chick you're with? Our sloppy seconds, biatch. Next time you're with Ville and he's going hard up the middle, or with Marian and he's digging deep in the backend, just think of us. Because we were there first, and we taught them everything they know. Sleep tight.

Ritola signs an "interesting" contract

2010-05-19T00:10:00.003-04:00

My esteemed colleague Cody has informed me that he Wings have begun to assemble their roster for next season already, by retaining one of their promising young RFAs, F Mattias Ritola. He's also informed me that he is going to bed, so I will be breaking the news to you all. Lucky me :)

Ritola has been developing in Grand Rapids for the past 3 seasons, and is a player in the mold of a Henrik Zetterberg. That is, he is strong with the puck, decent-sized, and if he learns to be selfish and shoot the damn thing, he could be a very good player.

There are two good things about this signing:

1. The cap hit is VERY low.

2. The first year of the contract is 2way, meaning if he clears waivers to get to Grand Rapids, he can play there. Then, we can call him up without worrying about re-entry waivers. So, if he can tough out one more year in the minors and continue to develop he could be a top six forward on our team in 2011-2012.

The fact that he can be called up safely also gives us the option of bringing him up if he is simply too good for the AHL, or if we have a long-term injury issue.

A good start to the offseason by GM Ken Holland.

formspring.me

2010-05-18T16:38:00.001-04:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/WingsWinEhRob

History Was Made: A Season Full of Memories

2010-05-18T01:32:00.004-04:00

If you are a regular reader of this blog, chances are you are one of my make believe friends from the best group on Facebook. If you aren't, you're missing out. I am an administrator (which is a fancy way of saying I'm allowed to tinker with the settings) in what is EASILY the place to be for Detroit Red Wings fans...that is if you own a computer and lack a social life. Seriously, some of us spend more time on there than is probably healthy.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, aside from being a ragtag bunch of misfits, we're also die hard Wing fans, and during games there is usually quite a turn out to do our own version of a liveblog which could rival any out there. On non game days, however, is when we truly shine. We feature some truly gifted comedic minds, as well as some very knowledgeable people. What it amounts to is a great time to anyone who is looking to talk about our favourite team. We even have our very own trolls!

We use the term "The Group" to refer to the physical (virtual?) place we all meet up, water-cooler style to go over the latest news and gossip. The Group is where I get a lot of my information from, the inspiration for a vast majority of my posts and a daily source of entertainment. "The Group" can also be used to refer to a handful of the regular posters, a bunch who I proudly call my friends, even though I've only met a few of them, and the few I did meet were solely because of The Group. The Group is almost like family to me. Actually, I like some of them better than my family. The Group is about as diverse as it gets, with members spanning all four corners of the United States, across Canada, and even across the pond into Europe. Many of us only go by nicknames started by other group members for one reason or another (usually during our rough hazing/initiation period....).

In fact, while H2H was going down on March 26th, 2010, The Group had its own meeting going on at Joe Louis Arena, as I met a couple of other regulars for the first time. Naturally, hilarity ensued, and Patrick Eaves' picture will never be the same....

Anyway, the point of this unexpectedly long preamble of a post is to introduce you to the people who made this post possible. Soon after the Wings Game 5 loss to the Sharks, while the season was still fresh in their minds, I asked The Group to tell me what their favourite memories of this past season were. I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I did, and maybe get to relive a couple of your own favourite memories as well. Without further adieu, I present to you the highlights of the 2009-2010 Detroit Red Wings season, brought to you by The Group:

-Dave Clem (Who, after his first post, I took to calling Clementine), 19
Grosse Pointe, MI, USA

Zetterberg's OT backhander with .3 seconds left to beat the Can'tnucks and 7uongo

-Michael King, 24
Cardiff, Wales, UK

Id have too go with Howies 51 save effort against LA :) amazing goaltending

Zach Jones, 21
Monterey, California, USA

-March 9th we played a must-win game against the Flames that we lost convincingly 4-2. They leapfrogged us in the race for that last playoff spot, and it was at that point that the doubt began to creep in that we might not pull off the miracle. Two days later, and what did we do? Shellacked the Wild 5-1. It was that game that convinced me we were gonna make it, and lo and behold, from then on we were nearly unstoppable. That was my favorite memory of this season.

Pat Hoolehan, 27
Mt. Pleasant, MI, USA

-a great moment this season, goes to Jimmeh Howard face washing Sindy Crysby, after a Wings ass beating of the Penguins. That, and Johan Franzens godly performance of 4 goals and 2 assists to give us one more game to watch. Also, Drew Miller scoring his first shoot out goal to give us another huge win!!!!!

Doug Sears Jr., 21
Mt Pleasant, MI, USA

-The game against Edmonton, we were down by one and I was watching with my roommate. I told him that we could never get anything done in the 3rd period, and we weren't going to make anything happen if we couldn't step it up late in games. A few minutes later Rafi scores with less than a second left and we send it to OT. We ended up losing but it was at that point, and the next game when we scored an OT winner in the last second to win, that we turned around our play late in games, and at that point that I became confident we would make the playoffs.

Cody Hotel, 20
Gimli/Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

-Toss up between JIMMAH putting up 51 saves against LA, showing that he was the REAL FUCKING DEAL, or the back to back nights of <1sec remaining goals from Hank and Raffi.

If I can say a favorite part of the season as a whole as well: Fun Fact, JIMMAH only got pulled twice all year. Pretty good for a rookie turned starter.

Kiran Iyengar, 27
Santa Rosa, CA, USA

-I'll give a few moments. One definately has to be Jimmeh giving a nice crushing punch to Cindy Crysby's face. Another would be Jimmeh winning his first playoff series as the Wings #1 goaltender with a lot of potential for the future. I'll also go with Mule's epic performance in Game 4 in the WCSF that was such an unbelievable and ridiculously great performance. It was a lot of fun to watch.

Mandy Riar, 23
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

-The game against Nashville when it was tied at 0 and the game was forced into a 11th round shootout and kronwall scored on his first ever attempt while Howard only let in 1 goal during the shootout.

-Datsyuk and Bertuzzi’s shootout goals against Niemi. Even though we lost that game, both goals were amazing.

-The game against chicago where we were down 2 goals after the first and then scored 5 in the second period and the 5th goal came when Datsyuk stole the puck from kane and scored with like 3 seconds left in the period.

-the game before the olympic break, when Ottawa was on a hot streak and we beat them 4-1 and we entered the olympic break on a high note. I believe it was a turning point for the team.

-The fact that we placed 5th in the western conference with 312 man-games lost and only 3 players played all 82 games. Especially since a lot of people thought there was no way Detroit would make it this year.

Oh yeah and of course the return of franzen when we won 17/24 games (I think)

Albert Luu, 30
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

-My greatest moments from the 2009/10 season are:Jan.7th/10,Jimmy Howard making 51 saves against the Kings & Darren Helm getting the buzzer beater for the win.

-Nov.11th/09 vs. Columbus 9-1 win,everyone made it on the score sheet with at least 1 point in that game.

Jared Moore, 22
Mt. Pleasant, MI, USA

-It's a toss between the Nashville-Detroit OT Shootout Endurance Contest or Jimmy Howard face washing Cindy Crybaby. I admire goalies that stand up for themselves (Vernon, Osgood, Howard and that guy from Calgary that came in for all of a minute or two and slashed a Wing before getting ejected a few years back...)

Robbie Raheb, 21
Windsor, Ontario, Canada

-Datsyuk's puck steal/goal in front of Ellis.

-Holmstrom's slap shot goal from the blue line (those are rare)

-Then my favourite: Lidstrom's burst of goals half way through the season. Timely scoring from the captain. I was worried that he would be stuck on 2 goals.

Chris Braden , 21
Waterford, MI, USA

-Franzen's rape of 4 goals and 6 points in game 4 of the San Jose series.

Angie Rasmussen (Angie is basically Queen Bee of the group, and a fellow administrator)
Bellevue, NE, USA

-Probably Datsyuk's slow motion SO goal against Chicago

Jason Stuckert, 24
Pittsburgh, PA, USA

-I really enjoyed Game 7 against the Coyotes. They may have played their best game in a long time up until that point. Datsyuk's breakaway goal was a beaut. Jimmy played great. They just looked amazing.

Kohei Nakamura (Kohei is our resident photography expert), 23
Mission Viejo, CA, USA

-Rooting for the team on the group wall here with everyone (Ed. Note: Awww how cute!)

-Going to game 5 against Phoenix and the cognitive dissonance Angie experiences whenever Bertuzzi scores a goal?

Patrick Gerald Marsh, 24
Sydney, Nova Scotia, Canada

-Best moment of the season was when Jimmy Howard face-washed Sid the Kid. Honorable mention goes to Pavel Datsyuk's shootout winner against Chicago on Antti Niemi!

Mac Myers
Burlington, Ontario, Canada

-The shootout against Nashville that went 11 rounds ending with the Kronwall goal and JIMMEH save. But the BEST part of the shootout was Eave's attempt...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JLpbvORmbM
worst shootout attempt...ever?

Noelle Kelly
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

-The fact that we only had 3 players who played all 82 games and had 312 man-games lost, yet we still fought for a playoff spot throughout all the injuries.
and the hot streak we went on after the olympic break and how we ended up in 5th place in the western conference when people doubted if they would even make the playoffs.

-Having The Sexy on the team this year :)

Jared Clark, 26
Morton, IL, USA

-Jimmy's 51 saves against LA was one of my favorite moments of the season for sure. And believe it or not, Ozzie gets one from me. Early in the season, Ozzie robbed Ovie of a sure goal with a kick save that was freakin sweet. Plus Drew Millers superman goal was cool. Oh and the game I went to which Hank got a hat trick against the Ducks back in November.

Eric Berge (We just call him Ken Holland because of his encyclopedia-like knowledge of all things hockey. And not just NHL either, the dude knows random stats about unheard of players playing in the ECHL. It's kinda weird actually...)
Casselton, ND, USA

-Brad May destroying Jared Boll after Boll was running D&Z on December 28th

Jenna Shepherd (Goes by Jett in The Group), 27
Detroit, MI, USA

-probably my favorite thing from this past season is realizing the patrick eaves is the sexiest man to ever take a breath... i mean, he's pretty smokin if he's got the gay ladies in a tizzy!

Corey Osborne, 21
North Bay, Ontario, Canada

-When we came up with a list of Jimmy Facts after he gloved Crysby's face off
"Jimmy Howard Fun Fact #49: Jimmy's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Jimmeh!

Kahla Banfill, 21
Windsor, Ontario, Canada

-Going to Game 4 of Round 2

Spencer Jardine, 21
Walled Lake, MI, USA

-Mine would have to be in the middle of the season. The Wings where playing a Sat night game vs Nashville (I think) and I just turned the game in the first period and they where down by 3 goals already. As soon as I got on Facebook Carissa yelled at me to start doing shots, so I ... See Moregrabbed my fifth and started knocking em back. Long story short we came back and won the game 4-3 in a nail bitter. Hence the tradition of "MOAR SHOTS" was set in stone.

Another great moment was the friendly rivalry we all had during the Olympics, it was nice to poke fun at you all you Canadians.

And I cant go with out mentioning Pashas change up shootout goal vs Chicago, I literally squealed and laughed like a 9 year old girl when I watched that. Hands down best thing I have ever seen.

Rob Benneian, 20
Windsor, Ontario, Canada

-I don't even know where I'd start. This was a ridiculous season for me. I got to attend so many amazing games: Feb 13th against Ottawa before the Olympic break to kickoff The Streak, March 26th against the Wild, Jimmy's first career playoff shutout in Game 4 of the first round, and the demolition of the Sharks in Game 4 of Round 2.

-There were some amazing individual accomplishments, like King Lidas' 1000 career point, Jimmy being nominated for the Calder, and a plethora of unbelievable shootout goals from some likely and unlikely sources

-All in all, this was probably the most entertaining series I've ever had the good fortune to watch. I appreciate the game of hockey so much more after going through such a tumultuous season, that, even though the Wings are done playing hockey earlier than we are used to, can be considered a success.

As for the rest of the readers out there...what was YOUR favourite moment from this season?

Third Round Preview/Predictions

2010-05-15T23:33:00.002-04:00

Well, since Rob failed epically with his predictions, AGAIN, he has asked me to take a turn making a fool of myself by covering the upcoming round. But before we start that, let's take a brief look at the round that has passed, and laugh at Rob's failures while we do.

Eastern Conference:

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs (8) Canadiens

Wow, wow oh wow oh wow. What a fucking series. I honestly felt ashamed of myself for cheering for Montreal, mainly because I want ~92% of their fans to die in a hole, but I'm not sure how you can't. Not only did they take out the MIGHTY CAPITALS, and not only were they going up against that whiny bitch excuse for a Canadian Sidney Crosby, but they are definitely this year's feel good, Cinderella story. Maybe not Cinderella, since they're all dudes though. Something else though, where no one expected good to come from them but BOOM it totally did.

Maybe a frog turning into a Prince or something?

(see what I did there?)

Moving on. Habs (read: Halak and Squidward) took down the *shiver* Defending Cup Champion Penguins in a hard fought 7 games.

"Rob: I'm gonna take the Penguins in 5, because I really don't think Montreal can come up with the emotional drive needed to play with such a good team after such a draining series with Washington"

Way to fail Rob.

(6) Boston Bruins vs (7) Philadelphia Flyers

Fuck Pronger. That's all I'm gonna say. Didn't watch enough of the series to make any insightful comments, so I'm going to stick with Fuck Pronger. Hope he dies. His bitch of a wife too.

"Rob: Bruins in 6 hard fought games"

0/2 For my potentially handicapped colleague.

Western Conference:

(1) San Jose Sharks vs (5) Detroit Red Wings

Well, if you're reading this I assume I don't need to tell you what happened. If you didn't see it, then you're obviously in the wrong place.

"Rob: Red Wings in 6"

0/3 :(

(2) Chicago Blackhawks vs (3) Vancouver Canucks

Wow Vancouver, just wow. See that big, fat, ugly dude who can't skate standing in front of your goalie? You know, the one that is causing you to lose? KNOCK HIM THE FUCK OVER. Christ, don't give him all these gentle little pushes, you expect him to be all "Oh, shit, sorry guys, am I in the way? Didn't realize, I'll move over here..." just hack the little prick in the back of the knees once or twice, he'll go down like a ton of bricks, and probably won't be so quick to go back there. Idiots, all of your defensemen.

"Rob: Blackhawks in 6"

What a fucking ret-oh, wait, he got one right? Weird. Law of Averages, I guess....

Now, time for me to be an idiot, make some predictions, then get made fun of by Rob in 2 weeks. Cause that's how we roll at WWEh? (Ed. Note: We don't actually 'roll' in any specific way, nor do we endorse the use of that particular phrase, it was utilized here for comedic effect only and we apologize if it has offended any of you [Double Ed. Note: Just kidding, we don't really care if we offend you or not])

Eastern Conference Finals

(7) Philadelphia Flyers vs (8) Montreal Canadiens
- Philly squeaked by on the greatest choke job I have seen in my life, and having 4 D-men playing 24mins+ per night is going to catch up to them REAL soon
- Halak and Squidward did NOT look to be slowing down any time soon, if they can keep up this pace they might be unstoppable
- Side Prediction: Subban has a 10 point round.

Habs in 6. Over/Under for arrests after the series win is set at 72, please make your call in the comments below.

Western Conference Finals

(1) San Jose Sharks vs (2) Chicago Blackhawks
- I'm not sure about you guys, but I really hope Murray gets matched against Byfuglien, those are gonna be two BIG boys fighting for the front of the net
- The Sharks just played the team that Chicago is modeled after and came out on top, while Chicago has yet to play a team as diverse as the Sharks this series
- That being said, Chicago seems to have the edge on being balance throughout all 18 skaters on the ice.

_______ in 7. The Blank will be filled by whoever wins game 1. And yes, I'm totally allowed to do that. I make the rules here.

Should be a fun and Exciting round! Let's Go Re-oh, wait, fuck. Um, Let's Go, uh, Tigers? Man, I don't even like baseball, this is gonna suck....

Marian Hossa Goes to the Conference Finals! Again! For a Third Time!

2010-05-12T15:26:00.002-04:00

Yes, love him or hate him, ex-Thrasher, ex-Penguin, ex-Red Wing Marian Hossa is going to his third straight Conference Final. Both times prior, he advanced to the Stanley Cup Finals, and each time he lost. The second Stanley Cup Finals loss was made an even bigger story by the fact that Hossa abandoned the Pittsburgh Penguins after the 2008 finals loss for the then champion Detroit Red Wings because he thought the Wings gave him a better chance to win the Cup the following year than the Penguins. He proved to be mistaken, however, as the Wings were defeated in a crushing Game 7 loss on home ice, by a score of 2-1.

Following the 2009 season, Marian Hossa bolted once again, this time to division rival Chicago, for a 12 year, $500 Billion contract (numbers are approximate). Many Red Wing fans called for his head after this apparent bitch slap to a team who had treated him so well during his brief tenure here. Many still boo him whenever he returns to the Joe.

I'm one of the people who was peeved at his choice of team to flee to, but honestly, can you blame the guy? The Hawks have all kinds of young talent (good luck keeping it together after this year, but I digress...), and offered him more money than you can shake a stick at (I guess that means a lot of something?).

The Red Wings faithful, myself included, were also upset at his lack of production during the course of the 2009 playoff run, but specifically his glaringly awful ZERO goals against his former team in the finals. However, when we found out after the season that he had to undergo reconstructive shoulder surgery that kept him out of the Blackhawks lineup until NOVEMBER, I've softened my stance a little. Obviously the guy was giving his all, it just wasn't there when he needed it. I don't really hold any more hard feelings toward the guy.

However, the fact that he could be on the losing end of a third straight Cup Finals trip (provided they get through the Sharks first) is any fan of irony's wet dream. With that being said, I as well as co-Red Wing fan Doug Sears Jr. of Southeastern Michigan (near the base of the thumb), came up with a series of potential names for Marian Hossa's autobiography, or potential made-for-TV movie. With that being said, I present you with the list...

Losing in Triplicate: The Marian Hossa Story

All Good Things Come in Threes...Except When You are Marian Hossa

Loss, Losing, Loser: The Evolution of Marian Hossa

Once, Twice, Three Times a Loser: The Saga of Marian Hossa

One! Two! Three Strikes You're Out of the N! H! L! : The Story of Marian Hossa's Flight to the KHL

At Least I'm Not Jim Kelly - How I Lost Three Straight Stanley Cups and Felt Like Such a Loser That Even Kopecky and My Little Brother Won't Even Talk to Me : The Autobiography of Marian Hossa

Mein Drei Kampf

The Lord of No Rings
Book #1: The Fellowship of the Loss
Book #2: The Two Failures
Book #3: Return of the Shame

Marians of the Central Division
Movie #1: At Pittsburgh's End
Movie #2: Curse of the Bum Shoulder
Movie #3: Dead Marian's Quest

Anyone else got any ideas? I'll forward the best one on to Rich Winter, who represents Marian Hossa. If he likes your ideas, then you will have exclusive rights to the royalties produced from the sale of any and all future books and movies. Get crackin'!

Caption Contest: Antti Niemi

2010-05-12T13:56:00.004-04:00

Antti Niemi holds the distinct honour of being our first ever repeated featured player...

Niemi: Kevin, I really don't think I can hold you there much longer...
Bieksa: Hang on for another minute, we're going for the high score!

Caption Contest: Darroll Powe

2010-05-11T14:13:00.001-04:00

"Eh, Danny Carcillo, is this how I'm supposed to do it?"

There will be a new Western Conference Champion this year...

2010-05-09T00:39:00.004-04:00

I've been staring at this page for a few minutes now trying to put into words what just happened...

We lost the game, that much is obvious. We got outplayed tonight, I feel. The Sharks had more jump from the get-go. We got the first goal, but that lead quickly evaporated on a powerplay goal by former playoff-goat Joe Thornton. Did he cheat on the faceoff? Yeah, especially since the linesmen seem prone to throw out anyone who isn't statuesque at puck drop, but there's nothing that can change that play now. Maybe Datsyuk gets there a split second faster and blocks the shot? Maybe it hits a body on the way to Thornton and we clear the zone? Didn't happen.

It'd be really easy to blame the entire series on the officiating. Did we get the shaft on a lot of calls? You bet. Did it determine the series? We'll never know. Games 1 and 2 were tough to watch based on the quality and quantity of calls going against our team. Game 3 we got straight up beat. Game 4 was unbelievable. Easily the best game I've ever been live for. Tonight, it was a little different. The Sharks outplayed us for most of the first, and for periods of the third. We owned them in the second. The problem with that is, we entered the third at an even score, when we could have put it away.

I'm sure the non-call when Murray decked Franzen will get a lot of attention from Wing fans, and it probably should. That's textbook interference, and had Franzen been actually injured, it may have been a major. But it wasn't called, and that's all there is to it. It really hurts that the series clinching goal came off the next faceoff. However, this wasn't your typical faceoff goal you're used to seeing. We actually won this draw, and the goal came off a miscommunication amongst our top D pairing. Tough break, and a play they complete 95 times out of 100.

Give credit to the Sharks. They were played a hell of a series. You absolutely cannot say they don't deserve to win. Do I think we are the better team? Damn right. I'll argue that til I'm blue in the face. Did they get the benefit of more timely calls in their favour than us? Sure. But they brought it each and every game, except for Game 4. To say that they didn't play well is asinine. Their top line of Marleau, Heatley and Thornton proved why they are such valuable players in the regular season. Their second line provided a whole lot of offense for them. Their checkers did their jobs very well.

I wish this series had been allowed to play out to its full potential, but it was still an entertaining one. I know I was on the edge of my seat up until that final clear by the Sharks that iced the game. I know each and every one of you whispered to yourselves "come on boys" when Hank drew that penalty. Your breath caught in your throat every time a puck bounced from player to player, or when a Shark had a chance to clear. And I know for a fact that once you get a chance to reflect on the season that was, you'll appreciate it for what it really was: one of the most entertaining, exhilarating, downright fun seasons most of us have ever seen.

It got off to a rocky start in Stockholm, in two game event that was supposed to be a Red Wing romp over the Blues, as they dropped both games in ugly performances.

Then, they came back to this side of the pond, and before they had even played a home game, disaster struck. Johan Franzen tore the ACL in his knee, and would miss 55 games after the surgery. And then, before the season was even on track, the wheels fell off completely.

Jason Williams.
Valterri Filppula.
Niklas Kronwall.
Dan Cleary.
Henrik Zetterberg.
Jonathan Ericsson.
Tomas Holmstrom.
Brian Rafalski.

All of the above missed significant time with injuries. Name me one other team that could miss 5 top six forwards, a bottom 6 forward, two top 4 D, and a bottom 2 D for MASSIVE chunks of the season, and overcome it to make the playoffs as a 5-seed. You can't. Only your Detroit Red Wings have the personnel in place to accomplish something like that. Hell, we STARTED the season unhealthy, with Helm missing the first three weeks of the season with a shoulder injury. By the time the Olympics rolled around, we finally had the roster Ken Holland imagined in September, albeit with less Maltby and more Miller. Then, we were able to see exactly what this year's rendition of the Red Wings were capable of. Appreciate the last two months of the season, when the Wings demolished everything in their path. That was an unexpected, unprecedented and completely amazing run of hockey by our boys. There is nothing to be ashamed about from this season. There are highs and lows in every year. This year had lower lows, but it also had some amazing highs too.

I want everyone who calls themselves a Detroit fan to take the time to appreciate what made this season so special. We saw the emergence of the future in net. We acquired some new faces through free agency and waiver pick ups who could form the core of our energy lines for years to come. We saw the development of some good young players. We saw players fill roles they had never before been asked to play. And most importantly, we had a lot of fun along the way.

Here is your last look at the 2009-2010 Detroit Red Wings, before we turn our attention to the rest of the playoffs and what lies beyond them.

Goaltenders:

#35 Jimmy Howard: What more can you ask of a rookie goalie than to come in, supplant a 3 time cup winner as starter, and garner a Calder trophy nomination along the way? I look forward to many years of Tiberius manning the pipes for us.

#30 Chris Osgood: It's been a rough couple of regular seasons for Chris, but this year, serving as mentor to young James may have been one of his most vital roles ever. A lot of Jimmy's mental development as a goalie can be attributed to his older teammate, who has been there, done that and bought the tee shirt. Thanks for everything you've done as a Red Wing, Ozzie.

Defence:

#3 Andreas Lilja: You picked up right where you left off, prior to meeting Shea Weber's fist. You are one of the best players at your position in your price range, and a highly underappreciated player. I'd be thrilled to have you back next year on our bottom pairing, leading the way on the PK.

#52 Jonathan Ericsson: I called you out a few days ago, and in the last two games, you proved to me that you have the stuff to play at this level. It's gonna take a lot of work out of you to put it together for an 82 game schedule next year, but I believe you can do it. Keep it up Big Rig.

#55 Niklas Kronwall: You looked dead-set in your intention of proving that you have the ability to become our #1 defenceman when the apocalypse comes and #5 hangs 'em up. Then Georges Laraques' knee happened, and you haven't been right since. I believe with a whole summer off, you'll come out hot again next year, and can hopefully stay healthy for a full season.

#23 Brad Stuart: You were out best defenceman in many, many games this year. You quickly became one of my favourite Red Wing deadline pickups a few years back, and you still are. You bring an element our team lacks, and I appreciate everything you do. Late in the season, your offensive game seemed to be rounding into form as well, and that can only mean good things down the road for us.

#28 Brian Rafalski: What an Olympics you had. Up until that point, many, myself included, were calling for you to be dealt. You were getting roughed up on a regular basis. You cooled off a bit post-Olympics, but still showed us flashes of brilliance here and there.

#5 Niklas Lidstrom: I have a gut feeling we haven't seen the last of you. I don't believe that is the way you want your career to come to a close. If that was your final game, I couldn't even begin to put into words what you mean to this team, so I won't try right here. That's a post for another day, hopefully a couple of years in the future. See you in October in your usual spot on the first pairing, TPH.

Forwards:

#8 Justin Abdelkader: You were a spark plug for us, filling in nicely as an agitator, something we had been lacking (poor Kirk..). You also have a knack for scoring clutch goals. You are a crucial piece to the future of this team.

#33 Kris Draper: Your role may have diminished this year, TOI-wise, but your role as a mentor has never been more important. The development of many of our young checkers has been a job you have taken on. A Red Wing for life.

#20 Drew Miller: A waiver-wire acquisition, you quickly caught the attention of Red Wing fans. You are versatile enough to play on all four lines, the powerplay, and the penalty kill. You are an all around good hockey player, without really excelling at one particular thing. I'd be honoured to have you back in a Wings uniform in 2010-2011.

#43 Darren Helm: The fastest man on earth. Your hustle is second to none. For a small guy, you sure can lay the body. You have the tools to be an effective checking line center for years, and if your hands ever catch up to your feet, you can easily be a 20 goal scorer. Take notes from Pavel in practice, you'll get there.

#11 Dan Cleary: Another plug-and-play player. Top line duty? Doesn't miss a beat. Getting out there with the checkers? Sure thing coach. This is a low-maintenance guy you never have to worry about. He's a streaky scorer, but even when he's not putting the puck in the net, he's doing the little things right. A hockey player's hockey player if there ever were one.

#17 Patrick Eaves: An offseason pick up that made little noise at the time, but once Darren Helm returned to the lineup and you and he developed some chemistry, you were off to the races. You became a fan favourite with your feisty style, deceptively hard shot and classic good looks.

#51 Valterri Filppula: Many were saying that, prior to breaking your wrist 11 games into the season, you were our top forward through that point of the season, even if the stats didn't show it. You came back and took a while to pick your game back up, but the Olympics were your coming out party. I think next season you will take than next jump to elite-level forward status, because the tools are all there and you are starting to put them together. I thought, despite Hank's goal totals, you were our best forward in Round 1.

#44 Todd Bertuzzi: Classic love/hate relationship. Probably the Red Wing with the most divided opinions amongst fans. Your spinning passes to no one and offensive zone penalties had many of us pulling our hair out, but I've asked before, and will now: Who else could you get for $1.5 mill that would do a better job? Look at our roster. Other forwards making that money? Williams, a healthy scratch more often than not. I'd gladly take you back next year at a similar salary.

#40 Henrik Zetterberg: Our future captain. Something never seemed quite right all season, even before the injury. Despite that, there were times when you put the team on your back and carried them through rough patches. Your name will forever be synonymous with Curly Fries. Use this summer to get healthy, and come back at full strength next year.

#93 Johan Franzen: With such a limited schedule this year, you sure did quite well. You had 21 points in 27 games in the regular season. 24 of those games came after your ACL surgery, an injury that most experts agree takes a full year of recovery until someone can be back at full speed again. You came back in mere months. Then, not only that, but you led the charge in the playoff scoring category, finishing up with 6 goals, and a team leading 12 assists and 18 points. No one will ever forget the beat down you laid on the Sharks in Game 4. One of the all time great Red Wing performances, by an all time great guy.

#96 Tomas Holmstrom: You continue to defy the critics, even as you advance in your years. There were questions coming into the season about how effective you could be, coming off an injury plagued campaign. This year, despite only playing in 68 games, you put up 20 goals and 45 points. You are, and will always be, one of the best net-front presences in the game, and you totally revolutionized the way the position is played.

#13 Pavel Datsyuk: You provided us with another season of highlight reel material. Me and my group of fellow Red Wing fans are constantly asking each other: "Did you see what Pavel did last night?". This is almost invariably followed by "Yeah! Well, wait, which move?". You are the best stickhandler in the league, the best pickpocket in the league, and if you don't win the Selke trophy, the voters made a severe mistake. All that, and you are still widely recognized as the most gentlemanly player in the game, acquiring another Lady Byng nod. One of the greatest players in the game today, and you're all ours. I hope I never see you in another colour.

That's it for the Detroit Red Wings for this season, but they will be back. They will be better. And they will always give us reason to believe, right down to the final buzzer.

So, for one last time this season, Let's Go Red Wings!

Caption Contest: Green Men

2010-05-08T13:25:00.002-04:00

Hossa: Don't look directly at it, Jon.

Toews: I think I'm gonna puke.

Uh oh...someone check Johan's brain..

2010-05-06T23:34:00.005-04:00

Wow.

Just, wow.

That was Mule, doing his Mule thing. Visions of the 2008 Colorado series flashing through my mind during that first period that can only be described as cuckoo-bananas. The last time we saw the Mule go goal-crazy like that, we found out he was actually mentally handicapped during the time frame. Just to be safe, someone should make sure he doesn't have another subdural hematoma, just to be safe. Except, maybe wait until the series is over. Then check.

At this point in time, I'd like to draw your attention to something I wrote on Tuesday after that "rotten, stinky" game (quote attributed to Ray Ferraro).

"we need...Mule to hang a big number on the scoreboard on Thursday night."

You're all welcome. I'm not gonna take too much credit for this one, because obviously Mule played some part in it, but again, you're welcome.

On Tuesday, I said that it may have been Bertuzzi's best game as a Red Wing. I retract that. Tonight was Bert's best game. He scored the first one, which was initially attributed to Franzie. He made a beautiful assist to Rafalski for #6. He made space for his linemates. Perhaps best of all, he hustled back to negate a 2 on 1 odd man rush against Rafalski (for a reference point on how 2 on 1s against Rafalski usually turn out, see Game 3, overtime, then cry yourself to sleep). MONSTER game by Bert. People have called him out for lazy or sloppy play all year, and for stupid penalties down low in the offensive zone, but you know what? He's the best player in his tax bracket in the whole league. Don't believe me? Check out who else is making $1.5M.

Anaheim: Jason "Backcheck?" Blake (and his cap hit is 4 million..ouch)
Carolina: Chad Larose (he's actually making MORE than Bert)
Little Brother: Andrew Ladd. Ha.
Columbus: Chris Clark... I still don't get how he was ever Washington's captain...
Detroit: Jason Williams. Hah. ahahah. HHAHAHA. Mattias Ritola, bitches. 'Nuff said.
San Jose: Torrey Mitchell. Wow. Don't even know what to say here.

The point is, wise spending of cap dollars FTW. When you pay your teams third leading scorer on the season third line dollars, you can afford to keep an amazing core of players together.

Keeping with the theme of "things I've said before", I called out Big Rig after the Game 3 loss. Kid, consider me impressed. I said you needed to show me something, and you did. Granted it came with a 6 goal lead, but the bullets are still live and the plays need to get made. He played in every situation, powerplay, penalty kill, even strength. He made many smart decisions with the puck and limited his goof-ups to a VERY small number. He also (most importantly I think) made excellent use of his biggest asset: His big ass. He absolutely pasted a couple of guys into the boards. He made the San Jose forecheckers pay a dear price to try to retrieve the puck. And guess what? The big dude logged the most minutes of any Red Wing tonight.

One other thing I wanted to see tonight was James playing his game. That. He. Did. Jimmy made 28 saves on 29 stops and kept up his sparkling record in playoff Game 4s. He came out and challenged shooters. He controlled his rebounds. He was engaged in playing the puck and making it easy on our defencemen. He made a couple of big stops early when the game was still within San Jose's reach. The only goal he surrendered came on a 5 on 3 powerplay. Awesome game by #35.

This post wouldn't be complete without the following sentence: Joe Thornton is a bitch. Really man? Nicklas Lidstrom and Henrik Zetterberg? Those are gonna be the guys you go after? Did they forget to say thank you when they were busy curb-stomping your team in the two periods? Seriosuly, what are you, 6'4"? Pick on someone your own size, you pansy-ass. Try that shit with Ericsson, he'll dummy your ass. Ask Corey Perry. P.S. Fuck Corey Perry.

On that note, what is it with opposing teams turning into goons when the Wings throw a big number up on them during the playoffs? In recent memory, we've seen it out of Jarome Iginla, Dion Phaneuf, Evgeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby, Scott Neidermayer, and now Joe Thornton just to name a few. Apparently it's more frustrating to get beat by a classy team than a dirty one, because you will NEVER see a Red Wing pull some of the shit we saw Jumbo Shrimp do tonight. Good for you though, way to earn that A on your jersey. Ass.

At the 3:29 mark of the third period, there was a stoppage in play. The disc jockey at the Joe, who I think is just fantastic (he always has the best music selection relevant to the time/situation of the game), chose to play Killing in the Name Of, by Rage Against the Machine. The best part of the song, which fits perfectly with what the Wings are trying to do, is this series of lines:

"It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime. What better place than here? What better time than now?"

These lyrics appeared on the Jumbotron at the Joe, and the crowd went nuts. You could not have picked a better song for the mission the Red Wings are on. It DID have to start somewhere. It DID have to start sometime. Check and check. We started the ball rolling, at home in front of a raucous crowd. There was no better place for this to happen, and there was no other time for them to pull out this kind of game.

***Thank you to Andy from Fight Night at the Joe, it's actually Guerrila Radio, not Killing in the Name of. My apologies. Still a good song though***

Finally, on the drive home to Canada after the game, I was listening to the best sports radio station in the world, 97.1 The Ticket. The host was posing one question, a simple one, and asking callers to give their answers. The question? Do you believe?

Well, do you?

I know I do.

What other team in the league could come back from down 3-0 on the top seed in the conference? How bout the team that closed out 15-2-2? Twice in these playoffs the Wings have had their backs up against the wall. The total score from those two potential elimination games? Wings 13, Opposition 2.

You better fucking believe I like our chances.

Is it going to be easy? Fuck no. Is it gonna happen? I really, really like our odds.

I never lost hope, even when we went down 3-0, and any real Red Wing fan will tell you that while everything seemed bleak, they kept that little fire alive, no matter how much it flickered.

Oh yeah, we're still down 3-1, but you better believe San Jose is the one who is on their heels after this one.

Think about it. They are a team whose entire history is based upon absolutely MASSIVE playoff choke-jobs. Now, they thought they had this thing all wrapped up after 3 games. FYI, it's a best of 7 series. Winning three games gets you onto the first tee at your local golf course.

Now, they're going home. A place they thought they'd only see again in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, a place they'd never seen before. Now, they're going home, with a little bit of a lump in their throats. You better believe they're nervous. They just got THUMPED by a team who had nothing to play for but a chance to play another day. Not only did they get run out of the building, some of their players decided to check out early (Nabokov, Thornton and Clowe) rather than stick around for the rest of the ass kicking.

Imagine the pressure that is on the Sharks right now. I guarantee you not a one of them is sleeping well on their flight back to Cali right now. If they lose Game 5, oh sweet Jesus look out.

Game 6 in the Joe? Yeah right. We'll meet you back on the West Coast.

Game 7 is anybody's to take, but you gotta like the team that's rolling in with all the momentum.

Am I jumping the gun just a little? Sure am. Is it warranted? Damn right. I've said it before, I'll say it again: The Detroit Red Wings are the team to beat. They've represented the West the last two years running in the Stanley Cup Finals, and they don't want to give up that crown to a bunch of diving pansies from So Cal.

So, the question is...

Do YOU believe?

Lineup Shuffle

2010-05-06T11:57:00.004-04:00

Breaking news out of the Red Wings camp: Mattias Ritola will be taking Jason Williams spot on the fourth line tonight with Abdelkader and Draper. As TTD Tyler points out, JWillz time in a Red Wing uniform is up.

The top two lines may have a little bit of flip-flopping going on as well, as Franzen and Filppula swapped places in practice yesterday, but Babcock would not confirm that this would stay the same during the game.

Here is what the lines could look like up front when the puck drops:

Filppula - Datsyuk - Holmstrom
Franzen - Zetterberg - Bertuzzi
Cleary - Helm - Miller
Draper - Abdelkader - Ritola

Also, Lebda is back in the press box as Lilja rejoins the lineup. I'd rather that Lebda stay in for Ericsson, but my guess on this one is that since Ericsson is under contract next year, if this does turn out to be the last game of the year, they wanna give the big guy one more chance at doing something, anything, productive. They know what Lebda offers. Big Rig needs to top that.

On that note, Babcock has also been firm in his stance that Howard is going to be our guy for the remainder of the playoffs, whether they end tonight, in a few days, or a month from now. The torch has been passed. It is Jimmy's team. Time to shine, Tiberius.

Sigh

2010-05-04T22:46:00.004-04:00

This is a tough one to digest right now. This was definitely a more crushing defeat than the Game 1 loss where we gave up three early goals, and were never able to erase that deficit, try as they may. This game stings more than Game 2, where we seemed to be the better team, even though we spent a third of the game killing off bogus penalties. This one, a game we lead for the vast majority hurts. It hurts like hell. To bring a two goal lead into the third period, only to lose it in overtime...Those are the kinds of finishes that make this sport great, if you're on the winning side, and so heart-breaking when you're not. This game, we didn't get beaten by bad calls, diving or cheap play. We just got beat. Straight up.

Were there bad calls? You bet. The Holmstrom goalie interference comes to mind. Tonight, however, the worst call was one that went in our favour: The Zetterberg penalty shot. Make no mistake about it, that was a bad call by the official. The defenceman never covered the puck up. If Zetterberg had scored there, it would have been us on the happy side of a blown call, and that's not a way I'm comfortable winning. To touch quickly on the Zetterberg no-goal, Cody and I have differing opinions on that one, so we'll leave that for you to debate in the comments if you want, or wage the war inside your own head. Bottom line is, it didn't count, and we were in position to win without it anyway.

On the whole, though, this was by far the best officiated game I've seen in a Red Wing game this playoffs. The Sharks didn't get away with any of their diving shit, and the weak penalty count was at a bare minimum. I'm encouraged by this at least.

The next game is going to tell us a lot about this team going forward. Obviously, if we lose, we won't see the Wings again in a competitive game until October. But win or lose, we should learn a couple of things. Here is my wish list for Game 4:

-Jimmy needs to play the best game of his career. Period. This loss is going to fall squarely on his shoulders, like it or not. The Couture goal to tie the game was completely unacceptable from an NHL goalie. I wasn't too crazy over the Setoguchi goal either. Did he make some spectacular saves? Yeah, he robbed Thornton (I think?) through a Marleau screen. He made two big pad saves on a defensive clusterfuck. All of that means nothing when goals like Couture's go in. Win us Game 4, Jimmy, then let's see what happens from there.

-Ericsson needs to show me something in Game 4, if he plays. Lebda was in for Lilja tonight, but he very well could be in for Ericsson on Thursday, provided Lilja is able to return to the lineup. He frustrates me to no end. He has some of the tools to make it in the NHL, including a huge frame and a big shot. Where he is lacking is the six inches between his ears. He makes the WORST decisions with and without the puck, at the worst possible times. I'd be completely content to let him sit in the press box on Thursday night, and have to win his job next season in training camp from the incoming Jakub Kindl, Logan Pyett, Sergei Kolosov and looong shot Brendan Smith. Dude, you're six fucking four. Use your size, stop trying to be Brett Lebda.

-Brett Lebda did everything any Red Wing fan ever asks of him tonight: Get the puck out of our end quickly using your natural talent: speed. That's it. Don't be cute. Make the simple play. Good job man. You earned another start in my books, and maybe a roster spot next year, when it seemed lost just days ago.

-Brad Stuart is the team's best defenseman right now. Argue this one with me. I dare you. I'll gut punch you. The guy is all heart and soul. He is made for the playoffs. He works as hard as anyone else, shift after shift, in the dirty areas of the ice. Partner Niklas Kronwall should spend some time in the film room taking notes.

-Datsyuk and Franzen need to get going. Pavel wows us on a daily basis with his highlight reel moves and defensive takeaways, but we need him and the Mule to hang a big number on the scoreboard on Thursday night. Zetterberg's line has been carrying us since the middle of the Phoenix series. It's crunch time guys, time to earn those big paychecks.

-Bertuzzi had potentially his best game as a Wing, without registering a point. He was engaged physically, he was screening Nabokov, and he was creating space for his linemates. Way to go Todd.

Situations like this are what legends of made of. This years NHL playoff theme has been: History Will be Made. Let's make some fucking history guys. LGRW

The Solution to Dive-Gate

2010-05-04T00:51:00.003-04:00

The NHL has been besieged by an epidemic of diving in the playoffs this year. It seems not a game goes by where there isn't some instance of a player blatantly embellishing a call to try to draw a penalty.

Before I get into my solution to this problem, here is are some visuals of the kind of thing I'm talking about....

Maxim Lapierre 1
Maxim Lapierre 2 (includes a quick look at dive 1, and 2 additional dives)
Maxim Lapierre 3 (slowed down look at the third dive)
Carcillo 1
Carcillo 2
Don Cherry on diving
History Will Be Made : Franzen, Setoguchi and Crosby
Highlights from Game 2 of the Wings/Sharks set to What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong

Now, it's clear to me that the diving is not going to stop on it's own. Diving simply isn't called often enough to make those who try to sell a call stop doing it. It's a simple cost/benefits analysis (I didn't take Grade 12 math, and I haven't taken any econ courses in university, so if I can do this, you can too).

Cost: Penalty called on you
Occurrence: Very infrequent

Benefit: Penalty called on the other team
Occurrence: Quite frequently, depending on how good you are at selling it

However, even if the divers were called every time they tried to pull a fast one, I still don't think it would be enough of a punishment for them.

In Hockey Canada, we have what is called a Gross Misconduct. This is basically the worst of the worst things you can do. Penalties such as hair pulling, spitting and the like fall into this category. The determining factor in what makes something a Gross Misconduct is that the offender is deemed to be "making a travesty of the game". This means they are showing no respect for the sport. To me, that is what divers like Carcillo and Lapierre are doing.

The NHL did away with the Gross Misconduct penalty early in the 2000s, but I think it's time for it to make a come back. We have penalties that right now, at the referee's discretion, can range anywhere from a 2 minute minor, to a 4 minute double minor, to a 5 minute major all the way up to a game misconduct. I see no reason why we cannot do this with diving.

Think about it: a two minute minor is NOT enough to deter someone from diving for a call, because a) it is called so infrequently and b) the worst case scenario is your team gives up one goal while shorthanded. Best case scenario, your team gets a powerplay (which happens far more than the dive is called), and your team scores. Neutral scenario: the diver and the opposing team player are both called, and it's a wash.

This is similar to Pascal's Wager. For those of you who went to public school, Pascal's Wager has to deal with believing/not believing in God. Pascal theorizes one should live your life as though God is real, because mathematically it will suit you better in the long run. Explanation: if you act as if God is real and a) he is, you will go to Heaven or b) he isn't, nothing happens. If you act as though God isn't real and a) he is, you go to Hell or b) nothing happens. Therefore, it doesn't suit you to act as if God is not real (according to Pascal's Wager), and it doesn't suit divers not to dive.

If there were the potential for putting your team shorthanded for 5 minutes (based on the egregiousness of the dive), it would almost certainly make divers think twice. Remember, 5 minute major means the team on the powerplay can score as many times as possible; the penalty won't expire after a goal, only when the time runs out.

I also want to punish the diving players financially, as well as their coaches, to further prevent it from happening on future occasions. If you levied a hefty fine against both the player and the coach, you would see diving cease to exist in NHL hockey. No coach is going to put a player on the ice who is going to make him feel it in the pocketbook.

Clearly, this is a rule change that won't happen immediately (although there is no reason why it couldn't, as other rules have been put in quite literally overnight).

I sincerely hope the NHL takes a good long look at itself this off-season and is disgusted with what it sees. Diving is something that needs to be eliminated from our game, NOW, before it ruins hockey for another generation of people.

Refs vs Wings Game #2 Wrap-up

2010-05-03T18:13:00.003-04:00

See what I did there? In the title? Funny, right? I know, I'm a real joker, what can I say. Here's another one: Guy walks into a bar. That's it. It's funny because he hurt his head. Fuck I'm hilarious. Let's move on to the game.

Wow, I am embarrassed and ashamed to be a referee and a hockey player after that game. At this point I honestly don't even care if Detroit wins the cup, as long as San Jose loses. The amount of diving in that game was disgraceful, I don't know how anyone on that team can call themselves a hockey player. Let's take a look at Detroit's penalties through the eyes of a seasoned and trained referee, shall we?

(I mean me, by the way.)

J. Howard, 2mins for Slashing - Weakest call I have ever seen on a goalie. I might call this if Jimmy had, say, slashed my tires before the game and I was pissed off.

J. Abdelkader, 2mins Goalie Int. - Was this a legitimate and deserving call? Yes, he did run into Nabby. Should Nabby have also been given a penalty for diving like an Olympian? Yup.
(NOTE: PPG scored here)

P. Datsyuk, 2 mins Crosscheck - I'm sorry, but seriously? PAVEL checks you and you go down THAT hard? Yes, the guy is strong on the puck, but he's a fucking pacifist more or less, he wins perennial Lady Byngs for a reason. MASSIVE DIVE.

T. Bertuzzi, 2mins Goalie Int. - ................ I still have yet to see a penalty on this, on EITHER team, after watching the replay countless times. Nothing happened. At all. Nothing. Dive on Nabby if ANYTHING, and that would be a weak fucking call.

B. Stuart, 2mins Int. - Legitimate call, but it was called because of the MASSIVE DIVE that followed.

T. Bertuzzi, 2mins Holding - He, he never impeded his progress. The rules say you have to grab a player AND IMPEDE THEIR PROGRESS. Grabbing him along the boards while you fight for a puck is NOT a penalty. Pushing him over after you leave the boards is NOT a penalty.
(NOTE: PPG scored here)

N. Kronwall, 2mins Hooking - I actually didn't see this one, and haven't seen a replay either. I assume it was a bad call, statistically I should be right.

D. Cleary, 2mins Slashing - This is why I detest composite sticks. The stick breaking is why this is called. Bear did not TARGET the stick, he TARGETED the puck, and he got the puck, ergo this is not a penalty. That stick stays intact, there is no call. Bring back wood, you can shoot harder anyway.

V. Filppula, 2mins Tripping - When did Pat McCormick start playing for the Sharks? I thought he retired a long time ago.

Bench, 2mins TMM - HE DIDN'T PLAY THE FUCKING PUCK. YES, WE HAD 6 GUYS ON WHEN FIL TURNED BACK, BUT HE DID NOT PLAY THE DAMN PUCK. IT'S NOT A PENALTY UNTIL ONE OF THEM PLAYS THE PUCK. FUCK.

Texts between Rob and I while I was writing this:

Rob - Just answer me this, do you think a blind monkey untrained in the rules of hockey and completely unable to skate would do better?
Me - Probably not, but if you had a blind monkey untrained in the rules who COULD skate I'd say yes.
Rob - Well, okay.

(2 GA caused by terrible calls, if you weren't keeping count)

Other things about the game:

- WIN A FUCKING FACEOFF. GOD DAMN.

- Pavelski, cover him plz Hank? kthxbai.

- Guys like Dats and Fil have to get selfish from time to time and undress a few bitches. San Jose defense has great stick work, but outside of Boyle and Murray they aren't the smoothest of skaters, pretty easy to exploit.

- ATTENTION PLAYOFF FRANZEN, OLYMPIC RAFALSKI, AND 29 YEAR OLD LIDSTROM. PLEASE REPORT TO THE JOE TOMORROW NIGHT. THANK YOU.

- Bad mouth Howard, I fucking dare you. Just try me.

3 Stars:

3rd Star - Justin Abdelkader took names and and kicked some asses. Keep it up kid

2nd Star - Brian Rafalski started to show signs of OLYMPIC RAFALSKI (notice capitalization, that's how it is properly spelt for future reference) but he still needs just a touch more

1st Star - Pavel FUCKING Datsyuk is a magician with the puck. Magicians are also known as Wizards. Yesterday was Wizarding Independence Day. I think you can see why he did so well.

Plan for Next Game:
Win a fucking faceoff, don't get anally raped by any Zebras.

LGRW

Caption Contest : Flyers v. Bruins

2010-05-02T14:42:00.004-04:00

Same as always, best caption earns a pat on the head and an "atta boy/girl". Have at it!

Boucher: No, I said right hand BLUE!